Hey guys. I've been talking to a couple of girls this past month and I'm curious about a feeling I've experienced recently.

First off I'm young and still in high school. I never decided to actually work on my game until now and I'm admittingly a recovering AFC.

What I've noticed is that out of the 5 girls I've been talking to only one of them makes me feel a certain way. The best way I can describe this feeling is an INTENSE euphoria and sense of caring when I hug her goodbye. This is the feeling that made me choose her over the other girls.

My question is, what was responsible for this feeling?

I feel like this feeling can be dangerous considering it caused me to forget about all the other girls. It can easily lead to a oneitis.

The main difference between the girl and the other girls is the amount of kino that was involved in the interactions. She is very comfortable with me holding my arm around her, holding her hand, smelling and playing with her hair, giving long hugs, and touching her legs.

What is the cause of this intensely strong feeling of caring for another person? Is this what oxytocin is?

I feel like this euphoric feeling is very similar to dopamine but the reason why I hesitate to conclude this is because of that extra "caring for the other person" feeling that comes along with it.

Is it possible that it's both of them being released simultaneously?

What is responsible for the intense feeling of caring about another person?

She's the one giving you attention so the positive chemicals - whatever they may be - are being released in your brain. If Girl Y was also doing this, then the chemicals would go off for her too.

What happens to guys in the game is that they are a bit de-sensitized to this and they are able to accept loving advances from a plethora of girls without it having affect them and lead to as you astutely state, one-itus.

Does this mean that the more girls I do this with the harder it's going to get to reach this state? I love giving in to it but at the same time I know it can easily backfire against me. I don't really know how to handle it at this point.

Think of it like this: Instead of getting drunk, you get a nice buzz going at all times.

The buzz from exchanging eye contact, touches and more with new girls is second to none.

The only thing to be wary of is letting the dopamine take over to such an extent that you end up attaching yourself to one girl.

I understand.

At what point is it okay to drop the game though? At what point is it okay to finally put everything aside and actually LET yourself give in?

Aren't these chemicals supposed to keep mates together in order to promote monogamy?

I feel like everything the game tells you to do is almost ALWAYS contradictory to what your emotions actually want you to do.

When a girl texts you you're supposed to not ALWAYS reply back so quickly for example. Or when you wanna get a girl you have to push her away at times in order to actually get her.

When do you actually get to enjoy a girl and drop everything? Or when you drop everything is that when the girl leaves?

The whole time. The way you are looking at her in the approach as if she is the only girl in the world. You just don't give in to such an extent that you throw all of your emotions and devotion to one girl.
That's probably one of the reasons why it's a HUGE challenge for a guy to not develop major attachment the first time a girl who is super hot in his eyes sexes him.

By all means go with the chemicals and the feelings & attach yourself to 1 girl if that's what you want - after all most people do it that way.
I don't necessarily buy in to all of the "rules" of the game per se. You can find pieces you like and incorporate them into your own game.

I see... It seems like these chemicals or feelings are okay to experience as long as we don't become attached to them. We seem to associate these good feelings with whoever it is that caused us to experience them.

I'll need to think more about which parts of the games I would like to incorporate. For example whenever I talk to a girl I usually go in with the mindset of "I'm going to make her feel good". I've noticed that in general we humans pursue things that make us feel good and avoid things that make us feel bad.

I feel like this mindset may be mistaken however because the whole concept of pushing a girl away is contrary to making her feel good.

I feel like the reason why push-pull is even valid as a routine is because it follows an unpredictable rewards type of pattern. We as humans respond even stronger to variable rewards than we do invariable rewards. You can see this when people are addicted to their smartphones. Occasionally you'll get a really exciting test or Facebook post for example alongside all of the other crap you don't really care about.

Perhaps I should make it my goal to give a girl good feelings first and then hold back a little that way she pursues me expecting for more.

What do you think the proper mindset of a pua should be? What works for you?

My suggestion is to get out there, hit the streets or clubs, and hone your style that works for you.
For me it's a mix. I go 95% making her feel good, being flirty, etc. and 5% pushpull/disqualifying. I don't think about this in a set though; it just comes through.

As in, don't be thinking when you're talking to a girl "oh oh i haven't pushpulled yet I better do it and mark it off of the checklist." If it happens it happens if not it doesn't. I only analyze a set after it has taken place.

In my experience it's much more important to be a confident man who is optimistic and excited about the future when you are in a set than anything else.

I see...

In regards to consciously trying to analyze a set I feel like I don't get good results either. It makes social interaction seem like work. It's hard to have an authentic conversation with a girl when you're constantly thinking about whether its time to push, neg, or DLV her. It just seems to unnatural to me and requires to much conscious thought.

At the same time though isn't it necessary to be conscious about something when you are first learning it? There's a model of behavior change/learning that stresses conscious competence as being a prerequisite before it can turn into unconscious competence, which is what I would consider to be the "natural" level.


What do you think it takes to reach this level of unconscious competence? You can't get better at something unless you make an effort to focus on replacing your bad habits with new ones don't you think?

Envision a successful set before you go out. Practice how you would stand, what you would say, how fucking smooth you'd be.

Then, rely on your practice and instincts when in the set. When you have some time, look back and analyze the sets for improvement. At least that is how I've always honed my game.

I'll give an example: I got back into the game after a break and ran a couple of sets and later realized that I wasn't behaving with these girls I had just met in the same manner that I would behave when speaking to a girl I was already in a relationship with. This is not good at all and was the major reason the first couple sets didn't work out. This is why the responses from the girls were not that of being "swooning" and reflecting that comfortable energy back to me. After all, women are mirrors. Ok, noted. Modified.

Another example: In each set I try to say something that objects to or challenges something she said or says NO to her to show I'm comfortable with exerting my opinion even if it goes against hers 100%. But I only do this if I think of it and if it's appropriate to do so. Sometimes, I don't remember to do this. MUCH, MUCH more important is that I have a playful vibe and am subcommunicating sexual intent. All the other "check mark" stuff can be taken or left. Sure it helps to add it in but it's not absolutely necessary.

I just read the original post more closely and realized you're in HS; plenty of time to learn all this stuff down the road and in the meantime of course don't forget to enjoy other aspects of life. Main thing is have fun, enjoy life and don't be afraid to make mistakes as they are the best teachers.

As long as your dick gets hard around this girl, she will mirror your sexually aroused state. People like people who are like themselves. If you are aroused and she is aroused, you will both naturally like each other.

Now, if you sarged 30 girls and 5 girls are also mirroring your sexual state, then it is highly unlikely that you will fall into the oneitis trap.

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Thanks for replying but I don't really understand what you're saying about girls mirroring your sexual state. I agree that people tend to like those who are like themselves. However, just because my dick gets hard around a girl and It reflects in my personality doesn't mean that she's always going to respond in the same way. At least not in my own experience at least.

When I'm horny for example I become intensely motivated to pursue girls ESPECIALLY in a more sexual way. My intentions are usually clear in my body language, voice tone, and word choice. This can either do one of two things.

1. The girl responds back in the same manner just like you said.
2. The girl gets a bit creeped out and looks at me like I'm some sort of freak for pursuing her.

I could DEFINITELY be wrong considering this is only from my own experience. Could you go more into explaining how girls tend to mirror our personalities? I feel like there may be some useful theory there if it's actually true.

I like the idea of visualizing the perfect set before you actually go in. Could you go more into explaining how women are mirrors? I haven't ever really heard of this or thought of this concept at all.

You speak of not behaving with these girls in the same manner as you would when speaking to a girl you were in a relationship with. Should you automatically behave as if you're in a relationship with a girl when you're opening a set and trying to attract her?

When a girl mirrors your sexual state, you are genetically compatible. When she does not mirror your sexual state, you are not genetically compatible. Hence, you sarge the next woman until she mirrors your sexual state.

You'll need to fix your vibe so girls don't freak out around you whatever state you're in. If you have that nonchalant, laid back, aloof and fun vibe, getting sexual is a breeze.

If you're projecting a horny but nervous vibe, girls will feel creeped out.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html