Hello, gentlemen.

I'm a 22 year old guy from Sweden who, as long as I can remember, has been struggling with approaching girls and finding my inner confidence and self-esteem. It's funny, because on paper I imagine my life looks really great: I'm decent looking, I'm studying to become a doctor, I can play the guitar and sing fairly well, I'm pretty intelligent, etc. In spite of all this, I can't seem to summon up the courage to just go up to a random girl and just hit it off right off the bat. I come up with excuses to myself whenever I go out, like "she's probably not gonna be interested anyway", "she looks uninteresting", "I don't really want to talk to her anyway". I want to get over that shit, it's not getting me anywhere! Instead I'm watching my life pass me by while I meet a very narrow array of women who I don't care for the least.

I don't have a problem talking to women in general. The problem is mostly just going up to a random cute girl and start talking to her and show her what a great guy I am, hitting it off. I never have a problem if it's a party at someone's house, if it's a friend of a friend or if the girl comes to me first (this is usually how I meet girls and hook up). However, when it comes to approaching strangers at a bar, FUCK! I just can't do it. I start judging myself, thinking I'm not gonna impress her, how I've got nothing interesting to say, just a loop of bad thoughts, which end with me having to tell myself that "it's not my forum", or something else. These are, I've realized, naught but pathetic excuses. It has to end.

However, girls are not the only reason I have for wanting to start this journey. My self-esteem is crippling other aspects of my life as well, I try to write lyrics and music, but write it off as shitty and never finish it, even though in my good moments I usually think it's really good. I don't usually finish stuff, and I feel like a pretty lazy guy when it comes to long term goals like that. I have no fucking clue what I'm doing with my life.

I have no experience of the PUA-community, and I didn't even know about it until I started reading the game after a friend told me to pick it up. I've slept with about 10 girls, 5 of which happened after I broke up with my ex this march, but they're not really good looking, they're not interesting, they're not funny. I sleep with them just to sleep with somebody, and I'm tired of it.

I have a very easy time focusing on the negatives about myself and telling myself I'm not good enough, even though I know this is bullshit. I just can't get these fucking ideas out of my head. I take criticism too hard, and don't take compliments to heart the way I should. I expect to be shut down if I go up to a random girl in a bar, and I don't want to expect that anymore, because I know it affects the outcome in that direction.

In short: I have never been happy with my own level of self-esteem and I want to fucking change it now. I wanna be able to walk up to a group of girls and make them like me, like it's nothing. I want to challenge myself, be embarrassed, feel ashamed when I fuck up, but also elated when I succeed, I want to hit it off with a beautiful fucking girl and just love myself. I've never done that before, and I find that sad.

Feel free to ask me any questions you like, and feel even more free to give me pointers on how to start the journey, books, things I can do to help me along the way, things I can do to start getting over it, etc. Anything is appreciated!

I hope I will follow through on this one, and I hope you guys will try to help me, even though I obviously know it's all on me in the end.

Peace

I have a secret for you...

The smarter you are, the harder it is. Accept that.

Another secret....

You need to decide if you want to tell your inner voice no.

You can gain confidence. It is easy. Just do something you fear and live. Thats it. Nothing super complex about it. Any fear + Trying it = You get more Confident.

This is why a lot of guys advocate the newbie challenge, or approaching 'X' girls in 'Y' time. It builds enough confidence to help you get results.

Shut that inner voice down. This is the harder part. Honestly, I dont remember when mine stopped. After a while the inner voice will root for you. After you do it enough, it will not always be self defeating. It will sometimes tell you to not approach, but when you are talking it will help you.

You need to push through the pain of rejection and push yourself when your logic tells you not too. Most guys want a loyal girl friend. Talking to a lot of women who could reject you is logically not what you really want, at least for most guys.

You have to learn the process is like learning any other skill. You need to master the process to get the outcome you want.

Good luck. You can do it!

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You seem concerned with "making the girls like me." Instead, you have to know that you (and just about every other guy on this planet) have incredible value and would bring a lot of excitement and JOY to a girl's life. Own this, know it and internalize it. Instead of trying to go up and impress a group of girls, focus on making connections with alone girls, one at a time.

Instead of trying to GET something from the girls, GIVE them your relaxed, smooth energy. What happens then - since women are mirrors - is they reflect that same energy back to you.

What you are experiencing is run of the mill approach anxiety. The only way to win that battle is to finally decide to give yourself permission to FUCK UP ROYALLY and get blown out of some sets until you find the rhythm. A lot of guys' egos cannot handle this prospect, so they end up settling. Remember, if you settle in this area you are telling your subconscious that it is ok to settle in other areas (such as with what you were saying about not seeing your music through to fruition).

End of the day you have to take responsibility for the outcomes in your life, grab your balls and give it a go. Some guys never do.