I agree with Maria, but for different reasons. I don't think it's responsible for us to advise noobs to talk about their girlfriend's ex with her. Any ounce of jealousy will be magnified 1,000 times. She will sense your insecurity and bail. Nothing good will come of it.

When done with a playful and confident frame the dating/relationships convo threads are golden for first "dates" etc. But I can see how it could come off as needy/jealous if being delivered in such a way by a guy who is not experienced in pickup, good point Hunter_Foxe.

I am getting sick of this shit. She acts super interested and in love when she is with me but I've experienced this before, where the girl sends an SMS the next day about not wanting to see me anymore. To be clear, she has NOT done such a thing yet. But She already told me she doesn't want a relationship. She rarely contacts me. She is always out with friends, while I sit at home or go out by myself.

She had told me that she has a lot of free time now and to contact her if I want to do something. She had also told me to contact her if I'm at the cafe near her place. I did that yesterday and then like 4 hours later she sends back a generic message about being out with friends. I'm just going to stop contacting her completely until she reaches out. Then I'll tell her I need some time alone. Because I do. I feel like she is losing interest. I'm not letting her wonder and chase me. This is shit. And I'm feeling shitty because of it and other things in my life. So if we meet up I probably won't be in the right frame of mind. I don't feel like I'm even in the right frame of mind to sarge.

So I need my time, but I will not tell her why. I will let her wonder. Fuck it, I think I will meet her again in no less than two weeks and only if she reaches out to me. I had invited her to a dance lesson today. She knows where it is if she wants to show up, but I hope she doesn't. If she does she can forget about us going home together.

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What would James Bond do?

If she shows up at the lessons & you act in a sort of a pissed off demeanor, kiss anything with this girl goodbye forever.

If she texts I'd frame it as you're super busy rather than telling her you need time alone.

I know you don't feel like sarging right now but you have a mild case of one-itus. Try do do your best to go out and sarge next week and get this flakey girl off your mind. There are billions of girls. The moment you start seeing other girls I can almost guarantee that she shows back up in your life like a returning fox.

Reading this post all I understand is that you are starting to falling in love with this girl.
Even though the suggestion from other people here seemed to you attractive ( ie date other women, have her as a FB) you cannot turn the situation into an open thing. You have way too much emotionally invested to say that you can sleep around and accept her doing the same and both of you feeling comfortable with this setting.
So stick to having as a goal the relationship because this is the ONLY thing that you could have and feel alright with this girl. Now stop with the distractions and focus on reality not the fantasy of being the great PUA or the new Hugh Hefner..

Right... let's go straight to the subject...
You have developed feelings for her and SHE KNOWS. You can see it from your post because you are WORRIED about what she does next. You CARE if she calls you, you CARE if you see her, you CARE if she takes time to answer back, you CARE losing an opportunity to see her. This all points to one thing-> you are falling in love with her.
Your anger towards her behaviour is justifying that you have feelings for this woman and that she is the PRIZE to win. You are strategizing a whole method on how to turn things around with your behaviour. And in that way you show her even MORE that she has the upper hand.
She knows because you have extreme behaviour of ups and downs. You chase. So instinctively, knowing that she has that much power she is pulling back. Maybe she wasn't out with her friends at all.. maybe she was. I am sure though about one thing. As soon as she saw your message she thought "not again, it's him." and she looked at the text with a face of boredom.

You are moving too fast into wanting to see her that she is pulling back. You are chasing. And she doesn't want to be chased. She is in a phase that if she settles down with someone it will be because she chased HIM. That's why she is putting the "I don't want a relationship" front. She doesn't want to be chased.

So relax. An alternative way of behaving would had been:
You sent the text that you were available. She doesn't answer straight away. You reply "no worries. Txt me when you are available". You go out and enjoy your life. When she IS available and she misses you she texts you. Then you take at least half an hour to reply back and you say that you are not available, you suggest an alternative day, you have a nice small chat and you charm her ( seduce her etc) .. and you make her excited to see you... So on the day you suggested she texts you. If she texts you on that day you take your time to answer and you answer until it is too late to meet up. Again small chat and you seduce her to want to see you next time. If she texts you the day before to set up the time and place you reply straight away and you just set up the date.
No anger, no frustration, no feelings that you will be rejected, no thinking about her. Just laid back attitude.

Your mind is thinking too much and you have already invested way more than what she has.

If you have a certain place that you can always bump into her you don't even need to set up dates. You leave it until she comes and meets you there. You are being friendly, nice, a bit aloof, playful and flirty with other women. You behave social and you let her wonder when she is going to get intimate with you.
You let HER ask you when you are available and suggest for a meet up. You also should not jump into the first opportunity she suggest for a meet up. Especially in the beginning. This is when you are setting the frame of the relationship.
You don't have to go out and sarge. You just have to have things in your life that keep you busy and happy.
And STOP being angry.

I think this is all very useful advice. I'm fucking this up... it's time to change things up for real. This especially is a wake-up call for me.

_________________
What would James Bond do?

Well now it's a week since I've had any contact with her besides the SMS I sent four days ago, to which I got the generic reply. This really suck. Damn the one-itis. I'm not so confident anymore that she is going to reach out to me, but I guess I have no choice but to wait it out. I can't stop thinking about this shit. I wish I knew if there was something I did wrong last time I saw her. I can think of plenty of things I could have done differently, but I don't think any of them were serious offenses...

Tried to be really direct with an HB10 that was showing interest this weekend. But she rejected my kiss, saying she had a bf. Went out last night, flirted with a girl for a couple of hours and she basically told me she would go home with me... then she disappeared while I was at the bar.

And I'm left here with my one-itis and losing hope with each day that passes...

_________________
What would James Bond do?

You need work on your confidence and you also need to get a busier life. You think too much. Don't get discouraged by rejection. It is only feedback on how to improve. You obviously have some inner game issues that you need to deal with. The girls did not reject you for no reason.
Maybe if you go out sarging with other guys that are more experienced you might be able to get more feedback on what you are doing wrong.
Just be open into constructive criticism and you'll be fine.
You have one-itis because you have low confidence and you see that woman as your only option.
You need to go out more often.
Even getting rejected is a good thing. Get used to it and when you won't care about it things will be better.

This is a great thread to learn from.

Right now she has you on a leash, you are not the golden ticket on the silver platter. But it's OKAY because you can still be that ticket.

My advice to OP would be to back off.
Try and "bump into her" at a party or somewhere (you are facebook friends, probably have some of the same friends so you can find out her agenda without her knowing).
At said party, obviously say hello if she comes by, but don't waste too much time on her. Be the center of the place, have a great time, laugh with friends, chat other girls, make her see that you are LOVING life and are the happiest you've ever been.
She will notice this, as will other women at the party. And she will want to be appart of that amazing and happy life.

Rest assured that she will contact you the couple of days following the event. And then, FLIP the power dynamic and do what all the others have told you.
Play it aloof, busy because you are living life and its amazing (seriously lie about some things, some amazing things to do).

Then when you finally ACCEPT to go and LET HER take YOU out, you tell her you have something in mind and just tell her to put the sexiest dress she owns.
You go eat a light diner and take her out dancing to a spanish bar or whatever. (A fucking museum bro? On a Saturday afternoon? Are you fucking kidding me? Nothing screams more boredom than that. You think she is going to get aroused by looking at a fucking painting? Do that kind of shit when you've been with her for a year... IF YOU HAVE TO!)
Back to the dance-bar part: Even if you can't dance and if she can't dance, every woman likes to dance and get loose, and see that YOU TOO can make fun of yourself, because your so fucking ALPHA that you don't care what people think of you.
After grinding on each other for 1 hour and consuming alcoholic beverages, bring her back to your place and give her a good fuck. Go down on her, then fuck her some more.
Once you've done that, you lie on your back arms behind your head head pointing to the ceiling, you don't fucking cuddle. If she wants to be close then she can put her head around you, but no fucking spooning.

Morning after you wake up take a shower and GTFO from there. No "let's make plans", no breakfast, nada, no promise of YOU being possibly there for her. She needs to know that there is a good possibility this might be the last time you see each other (actually if your really good you should tell her that kind of shit "no one knows what might happen tomorrow, so lets make sure we make the most of tonight". This sounds fucking cheesy but if you deliver it right (with a serious face but a sly-smile at the end) I can promise you those legs will spread bad). So you GTFO.

Then no texting "how great last night was", if anything she should be the one thanking your for the evening and the good fuck.

Don't contact her.

Like when negotiating, "he who speaks first loses".

It will be hard I fucking know that because I've been there before and I'm there today again, but watch a movie or tug on your slinky and you will chill out.

And she will then contact you, and rinse/repeat this exact phase.

Until one day, when you are lying in bed and she tells you she doesn't want to see other people anymore.

And though I am certain this will happen if you follow these steps, I just hope that after playing it so aloof, and being so desireless, you will still want to be with her and haven't lost any possible feelings you've had in the past.

Good luck.

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My father once told me:"Son, we are good men in the family and don't have much weakness', but you'll quickly learn that women are our Achilles' heel."

I have considered that, but think I'm too depressed at the moment to be able to have that jolly old time with other people around her. I've actually been avoiding the place I might see her, hoping that I will start feeling better (maybe from meeting someone else) and/or from her missing and wondering about me as time passes. So maybe in a few weeks I can do that.
This shit won't work with her. I don't think she wears dresses and she doesn't seem too good at taking compliments. Telling her to put on a sexy dress will not work. I've tried dancing with her many times, she won't do that either. But yeah, drinks. Before I was thinking of unique experiences I could give her, but I think if I start over from this point, a simple night out with drinks will work well.
I was actually wondering about that. Maybe I've cuddled with her too much? I thought women liked that. She seemed to enjoy it. But maybe it was a turn-off somehow? I guess I must be a needy fag but I actually like cuddling more than sex. I'll try what you suggest though.

_________________
What would James Bond do?

Everyone loves cuddling, me included. But you can do that in a couple of months once you have her. Right now you need to make the necessary sacrifices to get her.

Are you willing to go that extra mile? From your depressed tone it might look like you are not. Do you really want this girl? Or do you want to lie in bed thinking of her/crying over it. If you want her, get up and do the necessary things to get her.
And that starts by living an amazing life that everyone would want to be appart of. Not a sobbing depressed one. Only you can do that. You control your life, so its your job to make it awesome.

And I can't believe she doesn't dance. Even emo girls (not saying she is the emo type) like to dance to fucking trance music or whatever that is.

I know its hard, but nothing of value is easy to get. If you really want to get with this girl, do what you have to do, suck up your faginess for a couple of weeks and act like the man she's always fantasied about.

All of this might sound like jibberish to be honest but I'm not a english mother language speaker. But I do know that your frame is very important, and right now you are not presenting the right frame. Have some respect for yourself.

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My father once told me:"Son, we are good men in the family and don't have much weakness', but you'll quickly learn that women are our Achilles' heel."

^ This is really good advice.

Good on you for interacting w/ a couple of women over the weekend, even with the case of one-itus. To get yourself into an elevated mindspace where the importance of this particular woman is dropped to an appropriate level in your mind, 2 interactions aren't going to cut it - it is necessary to throw yourself into the game and approach multiple women. Keep your head up and get out there and make some women swoon. They're waiting for you, what are you waiting for, get to it.

I'm having second thoughts about the "no contact" being mentioned here.

I've talked to a few members of the opposite sex and one thing they said is that it was stupid of me to not contact her after sex until 4 days later to invite her for coffee. They would have lost interest because of that.

The other thing is that I don't like playing games. I never have. I got into pickup artistry half a year ago and I've rejected a lot of things because I didn't feel comfortable with them. Still I managed to pick up chicks by doing it my way, taking the ideas I liked and rejecting the rest. I've improved, but I haven't become a master PUA. I seriously doubt I ever will and I don't think I want to. I'm not even comfortable with one-night stands. Besides, I am a very direct person. People have told me this. Even my pickup approach is direct. So why don't I just be direct with this girl?

I'm sitting here, torturing myself and for what? To play her game? Or maybe she's playing my game, which I don't even want to be playing. Is it possible that she will actually appreciate me being real and speaking my mind ? I've never seen her happier than when I told her that I want us to be honest and open with each other. I even told her I wanted a girlfriend, even though that's not what she wants. And now I'm not being open and honest. Okay, I'm not lying but I'm not being totally congruent with what I said to her either. Maybe I need to open up and see what happens. Maybe I should be a man and go all-in.

I haven't made up my mind yet on whether I should contact her or not. Of course she did say she wanted to take it slow, but I'm not even sure what she means by that.

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What would James Bond do?

No news here... You have second thoughts about everything since your first post. The members of the opposite sex you asked are women that WANT to be in a relationship. Your sweetypie doesn't want one. She explained you verbally that she found you coming as "too strong". If you don't understand a direct statement what do you understand?
She doesn't want you more interested. She doesn't want more attention. She wants less. She ASKED you for less attention. And if you continue taking advice from your female friends you are going to lose her.
This woman is not like your female friends. She is more independent.
Men can pick up women without any PUA skills. PUA doesn't necessarily mean a person that has one-night stands. It is a person with higher social skills that has the ability to make more choices in life. I don't know if you noticed but you were already direct with this girl. She declined your suggestion to be bf/gf. If you want to continue being direct you just have to either accept her as a FB or move on. You won't be able to change things but you will be able to feel that you are being direct and you will have to somehow deal with your one-itis in a different way. The choice is yours.
Are you trying to convince yourself here about something? You are obviously falling harder for this woman and in a direct, real, honest way I have to tell you that she will soon reject the FWB/FB status. .. and maybe block your number.
She already started ignoring your texts/calls. Do what you want to do.. Some people have to learn the hard way.
Nobody can stop you anyway... So go for it!