I met a female three weeks ago. You can read about our first date here but I think it's pretty irrelevant to what I want to ask about now.

Basically when we met we both felt a connection, which was refreshing for me after months of using PUA techniques to woo girls who aren't that interested to begin with, and who I felt the same way about. Not putting PUA techniques down, otherwise I wouldn't even be here asking you guys! Of course I'm still using techniques on her, but now I'm looking for more relationship-oriented advice. But we are not in a "relationship." Let me explain...

Last night I met with her. It was our fourth date (not counting the night we met) and I felt like something was off. I asked her about it and she said that I was moving too fast and we needed to talk. But we were at a show and we agreed to talk later as opposed to yelling over the loud music. I did my best not to not change the way I've been acting with her and she reciprocated with touching, kissing, etc.

We went to a bar afterwards and I asked her why she thought I was moving too fast. Realize that we have been seeing each other no more than twice per week and basically everytime I've gotten in touch with her it was to set up a date (with a little bit of chat thrown in). Oh yeah and she has slept over twice. Sex has occurred. So I was really curious as to what I may have done that made her think I was moving too fast. She couldn't answer that, but told me that she is really happy being single, likes also some other guys (who I assume she is seeing) and doesn't want a relationship. But we agree that we have some kind of connection and she wants to keep seeing me. I haven't been friendzoned. She is still touching and kissing me.

I was totally cool about it all and told her I'm glad she told me because I want us to be completely comfortable and open with each other. She was happy to hear that and agreed (who the hell is gonna say "no, let's be uncomfortable and closed"? ) Since we were being open I told her that to be honest, I had been looking for a relationship, not to "own" her but just because in my experience men and women never allow themselves to truly open up and spend time doing fun things together unless they are "official." Basically I see lots of benefits to having a relationship but there is nothing I can do about it if she is not into it. I understand and want to keep seeing her. After this talk, which lasted for maybe 15 minutes we talked about lots of different things, I made her laugh, we made out, etc. And in the end I feel like we have moved up a level in this relationship which is not actually a "relationship!" She was very happy and glad that I understood. We didn't spend the night together because we both had to get up early. She gave me a goodnight kiss, had a big smile on her face, told me she had a lot of fun and asked if I was free to get together one of the coming days before she travels (in three days).

Today I sent her a message on Facebook about a couple trivial things we talked about yesterday (a song and a movie) and told her when I am free. I'm still waiting for her reply but not worried at all.

The reason I'm writing all of this is because I've never been in a situation like this before. I think it's actually a pretty good situation. I will force myself to keep sarging, have fun and learn more about pickup artistry. And at the same time I will have her, although I'm apparently sharing her with some other dudes. The thing is I feel like I have a very good chance of having her for myself -- the attraction level is very high and I think she might eventually give in and I will get the aforementioned benefits of a relationship. I will do my best not to count on it happening so I don't shift into needy/jealous mode. Whatever happens happens. But I want to know if you guys have any advice for me? Maybe some techniques I can use in this specific situation to try and influence her to come to the dark side I suppose I need to keep building attraction and comfort, but do you guys have any specific tips that would fit well with this situation?

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What would James Bond do?

This is probably another guy, and I mean one specific other guy - I mean you know she's dating actively, so that's not a surprise...

If it weren't another guy, she probably wouldn't have an issue with the pace of your relationship.

If I were to guess, she's picking between the two of you... and hasn't made up her mind.

There's really not much you can do here besides what you're already doing. Show her a good time, and fuck her really, really well. Do what you can to tip the odds in your favor, if what you want is a relationship with her...

It doesn't sound like you're being especially needy - but if she's asking for some additional space, you may want to give it to her.

Yeah, you should kind of let her lead a bit, if she is asking for the space. Still see her, as she seems very interested in you, but don't push too much. (you seem to understand that)

Just keep showing her why you would be the better choice compared to others out there. If she eventually chooses you, then great, but also understand that if she doesn't, it's not the end of the world. There are others like her out there for you, and getting caught up on her will impact you there.

Honestly, if you are treating her well, and she goes elsewhere, she will likely miss the things that you are offering, that the other guy isn't.

If you can't deal with being uncertain about the future of your relationship though, you'll need to get out now. It's a tough road to constantly be in a state of uncertainty, but I can tell you from experience, if you think she is worth it and is showing interest, staying in can work.

4 dates does not a relationship make.

Why do you feel it's necessary to put a leash on it this quickly?

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Got any tips there at all there? One thing is she said she never orgasms just from penetration but I went down on her and got the job done that way. Would be awesome if I could make her cum just from penetration. Anyway, I may have to start another thread just about this topic.
Yeah man, I asked if it was too much to expect to see her once a week and she was cool with that. Should I invite her out every week or invite her out once and then wait to see if she invites me next time?

Also, what about phone/text/Facebook? I think I'll keep using them primarily to set up dates, but maybe something extra once in a blue moon. What do you think?

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What would James Bond do?

You say she's different from the other girls. So why are you expecting her to be comfortable with moving really fast, like all the others? Just 4 dates and you already want this girl to give you her heart and soul, lol. The reason you like her is because she's not slutty and actually thinks before she does things. So allow her to think. She's not leaving you. It's been 4 dates not 4 years.

Dude, once a week is great this early in the relationship. I am like 4 months into a relationship (actually gf/bf) and I see my gf like once a week, maybe twice. So, she's obviously into you if she's willing to see you that often. Whether you invite her out, or her inviting you, it can't be one sided, but it depends on the girl. Some girls like the guy to make all the moves, others (like my gf) have no issues suggesting things. That particular piece depends on the girl, and you know her better than I do. BUT WHATEVER IT IS, if you invite out, you need to come with an idea, not just "hey wanna hang out." Have some plan for what you want to do.

I think it's ok to reach out every now and then via phone, but I tend to steer away from Facebook, just seems to impersonal for me. I think a lot of people tend to say that reaching out should be at a 1:1 ratio, or maybe less. She wants her space so let her reach out every now and then. Make her chase you a bit, but remember it's a very thin line between letting her chasing you and showing your own interest.

If she's into you, she'll reach out, but remember, you don't have to talk to her every single day. If she initiates every day, then you'll know that she's into you. (This is actually what clued me into my gf's feelings for me, she started initiating every day, so I would sometimes initiate before she could, to demonstrate my own interest back in her.

Hope that helps some.

TREAT HER W DIGNITIY AND RESPECT, FUCK HER LIKE THE SLUT SHE IS IN THE BEDROOM AND SHE'LL BE YOURS.

Now I need the advice of someone with good experience from healthy, drama-free relationships.

As I said in the original post she asked me when I was free to get together again after she left that night. We ended up agreeing on Saturday. Normally I would agree on a specific time. However since we were both going out Friday night (separately) and she is catching a flight very early Sunday morning it made sense to meet sometime in the middle of the day and I said we could just call each other. I also thought it would be nice to do it this way to show her that I'm giving her space and taking things casual and relaxed.

At the same time, I was faced with the challenge of finding something fun to do on Saturday, something we haven't done yet. I decided upon the museum (I never told her, it was going to be a surprise) but they close at 5pm. I had told her we were going somewhere but they close at 5. So I called her in the early afternoon and she said she needed to sleep more. She called back a couple hours later and said she could not move today (she actually didn't have a hangover, she ate some space cake and was still stoned).

I wasn't sure how to act at this point so I just remained relaxed and wished her a good trip tomorrow. My question is, am I being too passive? Sure we had never made any specific plans, but we did agree to meet today. What if I had passed up another opportunity to make time for her and then she cancels it on me? Do you think it's disrespectful or is it ok under the circumstances? I just don't want her to start walking all over me already. Feels like I couldn't win either way and whatever I did would make me look weak when looked at from the right angle.

But honestly, I didn't mind so much that she cancelled and now I'm going to work on a few things instead. I think if she does it again, I will call her out on it. Thoughts?

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What would James Bond do?

This is in the wrong forum.

Why did you post this in Relationships when she is not your girlfriend?

I didn't know where else to post it. The original post was about a talk we had concerning a relationship and my questions about that. I thought this was the most fitting forum.

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What would James Bond do?

yeah the situation does sound kind of needy.

you should not offer loyalty to her if she is not yet ready to offer it to you.

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How to Get an Awesome Girlfriend
How to Train your Girlfriend

But I didn't really, I just can't help feeling this way
I feel like she will be able to pick up on that even if I follow all the "rules." So what to do? The only thing I can think of is to have more options so I can actually change the way I feel. I went sarging yesterday and didn't get anywhere. That wasn't very encouraging.

She is travelling now and will be back in a week. I don't plan on contacting her; I assume she will contact me instead. I feel like she was chasing me a bit in the beginning and I need to get back to that...

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What would James Bond do?

yes you are right, having more girls in your life will legitimately give you an abundance mentality.

You are also right you can start to act a bit incongruent if you try to follow the suggested pick up "rules" of behavior and pretend you don't care about shit when you actually do.

you don't need to pretend. you also don't need to act needy. there is a middleground. waiting for her to contact you first is probably a good idea.

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How to Get an Awesome Girlfriend
How to Train your Girlfriend

Well she's definitely been getting her space, I'll tell you that! Maybe too much...

So after I wrote this she went traveling for a little over a week. A few days before she returned she messaged me saying she would be back soon and it would be nice to see me. First contact from her and she wasn't even back yet. Good!

There was something cool going on the day of her return so I said I was going to it and if she was not too tired from traveling that she could join me. She couldn't but tried to set up a date with me for a few days later and I agreed.

It was tonight that we were supposed to go out, almost two weeks since I last saw her. However, I got a cold so I told her it's better than we meet another day as I don't want to infect her (told her this a couple days ago actually). She wished me to get better and I said I look forward to it and to seeing her again.

I was feeling almost 100% today during the day, but now in the evening I am coughing quite a bit. Good thing we are not out. I don't know when I should meet her. I don't know if I'm still contagious. I saw on Facebook that she is attending an event that I am also planning on attending tomorrow. I didn't want to meet her and not be sexual, but I'm not going to miss out on the event because of that! I guess I can be sexual in other ways. Maybe I can use this to my advantage by making her crave me more and not giving it to her. I guess I can just tease her a lot. What do you think?

But the main reason I am writing is that I feel a bit strange about us not having any contact aside from when she messaged me on FB while she was traveling and when I messaged her on FB about being sick. Is this good considering she told me she needed space and then ditched out on our plans before leaving? Or am I being too distant now? I hate the phone most of the time. When we talked on the phone before she left it wasn't anything great... and I don't know what I could text.

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What would James Bond do?