Oh ok. I don't think OP should marry this girl to keep her, but I agree with young lady that it could be the reason or at least a factor in why she broke up. Even practically, if they bought a home together and she was supposed to move to another country for him, marriage should have been discussed and more than likely.

I don't disagree that lack of commitment or lack of progression may have been a factor. But that boat has sailed. Commitment was the reason, not the cure. Proposing, even if she accepted (which she won't) will end in disaster. The foundations of the relationship have been terminally weakened. If she does accept then I'll lay cash money that if you make it through the wedding then the first bit of trouble you hit one of you will suggest "let's have a baby" thinking it will draw you together. Tick tick tick... kaboom...

Seriously, divorce is like a break-up on both steroids and crystal meth.

But she won't accept. And the fact that you've appeared so needy will make you look even less appealing if you still want to get her back.

Shrug and walk away. Either she'll come or she won't. Sort out a good life for yourself, get laid (a lot) and either she will come back or you won't care.

I was bored and seduced my ex-wife earlier in the year partly just to see if I could do it. It worked and you know what? It made me realise just why I wasn't with her.

I just used classic Mystery Method and it worked a dream, negged the hell out of her, time constrained all the time, lots of push/pull, lots of rapport breaking and ran DHV's solidly for a week. She was eating out of my hand by the end of it.

But don't do it. It isn't worth it. If you can do it with her then you can do it with anyone.

They've been together 4 years, bought a house together, and he wanted to move her to Australia with him? And you think the issue here is "his" commitment phobia?

I disagree here. Very much so.

I think she worried a bit about moving, so she stayed home. And then with him gone she probably reconnected with her girl friends and had more free time to go out and live somewhat of a single life. She might have already had doubts if she wasn't ready to move with him. Speaking from experience, people get that great warm fuzzy feeling when they get into a new relationship where they are just completely enamored, but people also get an exciting adventurous rush when, after a long relationship, they get the chance to go out partying with just their friends, meeting new people, making new experiences etc. And this feeling can be just as strong as those feelings you get during a new relationship. If she had any doubt about this relationship, the time apart and the distance only made her more aware of her doubt.

Other than this guy being alot more pushy about her moving with him to Australia right off the bat, or marrying her before the move, I don't think there's much he could have done to save this.

Hate to break it to you dude but it seems she's not that into you anymore. Thank God you never married because you can both move on and have a clean break. The more you hassle her and contact her, the more she'll dislike you even more. It's no good saying I'll change, I'll do anything for you! I didn't realise I made you so unhappy!! Mate it sounds like you haven't been a decent boyfriend and when she says she tried to tell you what was wrong and you just talked over her it makes me wonder if you are some kind of a bully with women?

Now guys HATE doing this but be honest with yourself. Look back over the 4 years you were together and can you truthfully say you were supportive, kind, considerate, listened to her and were there for her? Did you talk a lot? Had a good laugh? We're interested in the same things? Were you connected in a healthy way? Or did you just grunt, fart, belch, pick your nose and not pay the slightest bit of fucking attention to her?

Sounds to me that because she doesn't want you, you now want her. I bet you really want to marry her now that she has lost interest in you.