To original poster as embarrassing as it is for this to be my first post, i believe I can however offer you the best advice as this was the story of my life until my first girlfriend.

1) you want a relationship with this girl, be honest with her and say your a virgin and you got nervous. If she is relationship material she will be cool with you and it will take the pressure off.

2) cut out all porn and masturbation AND fantasising, this will help with making sure you are excited when you are around her and extra horny and thus able to stay hard for longer when putting on a condom. I do realise its not easy to do this. But porn, masturbation and fantasising is not good to do when trying to overcome erectile disfunction.

3) focus on foreplay, having blow jobs, have fun and enjoy each other. Then if you dick is staying hard have a packet of condoms already open so you can put one on as quickly as possible and ifnecessary hold the bottom of your cock to keep the blood in until your inside her. Once inside you'll find you will naturally stay hard.

4) dont stress about it, think how sexy she is, have the lights on so you see as much as possible and can be turned on more.

5) yes take viagra, just for a couple of times if you need to help forget about your worries. Alternatively take 1000mg of L Arginine, its cheaper , about 15-20mins before sex, it does the same thing.

Just be honest with the girl, and say how much you find her attractive and that it was nothing to do with her. You were just nervous because your a virgin. this used to effect me till i got over it and from experience you get 3 trys woth a girl before she will bail on you. So relax, take some Viagra and just take it slow. Its happens to most guys and you will get over it.

Listen dude. At 22 you shouldn't need Viagra and I would advise you to strongly forget that idea. To those saying he'll have a boner, grow the fuck up. His psychological problems (they're not big psychological problems either!) will just get worse and he will end up relying on it.

I reckon he needs more of an emotional connection with the girl and things will get much better. A lot of guys won't admit to themselves or even to their mates that they can't get an instant erection with someone they hardly know. It's not a mortal sin to feel that way. Ironically the girl said she needs to know a guy better before she has sex with him. We dudes can feel the same way too. Trust me. Get to know her better. Get an emotional connection and some trust going and boom! You'll be as hard as all fuck.

OP is nervous about sex. So he can't get hard. Once he's had sex a few times, he won't be nervous anymore. Then, he'll no longer need the pill. He'll get hard naturally. Viagra is not heroin. It is not addictive. You do not come to rely on it. It's not because he isn't close enough to her. It's because he's unsure of what he's doing. I remember dealing with these issues. Not really being sure exactly how you're going to fit your penis inside of her vagina. Thinking "what angle do I need to go from here...?".

There are mechanical things that get inside your head. The first time I had sex, the girl totally surprised me to the point where I wasn't thinking at all. And she was on top of me, so no problem. The second time was doggie, which is also pretty easy, though I started getting inside my head trying to figure out if I was in or not, and I kept falling out.

Then came the third time. I tried to get on top of her, with her on her back. That turned out to be a significantly more complicated position. I had to line myself up just right, I couldn't see anything, I had to feel. I spent probably a minute trying to get everything right, and she keeps asking me if everything is ok, and I lose my erection. That was a mix of inexperience and nerves. I remember being worried that she would think I was a loser for not knowing how to fuck her from this angle and taking too long, and I was also thinking that the way I lined up might cause me to fall out a lot. And I was thinking about moving again, but thought then she'd really think I was an idiot, so I stayed. After I lost my erection, I was seriously pissed off with myself and it never came back.

Now that happened to me after I'd already had sex twice. And it happened two more times over the course of the next half dozen or so sessions. After that I finally felt like I knew what I was doing, and I did to some extent. So I no longer had the issue. Had I used viagra, it would not have made me depend on it. I was having this issue because I was getting inside my head, and sex was more functionally difficult and less pleasurable both because of my mental state and also because of my inexperience.

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RSDTyler

Thanks for all the advice.

Sounds like most people agree with the general pattern of stopping porn and masturbation. I am fairly disciplined so it's not a big problem to cut both out for me once I know what the benefit of that is. CharlieC, when you say "stop fantasizing", do you mean fantasizing about stuff I've seen in porn in the past, or even about her?

I am going to also try to drastically reduce the booze. Probably going to dilute my wine with water as well (I don't mind her knowing) and just keep the wine really low. I think that has the blame as well.

As for viagra/sildenafil/... (I am getting sildenafil which is the same thing since Pfizer's patent expired) I am going to give it a shot. Not a large dose, probably like half of what they recommend normally since that should be loads for me. I don't plan to rely on it, but if stress causes me to go limp then even just knowing I can't technically go soft should be a big boost. Otherwise it seems pretty risky to go at it again without it, since after what happened last time it's not going to exactly boost my confidence. I would think once I am inside her twice or thrice I won't need it since I will know how much pleasure it is and just the thought of it will make me hard...

I will update you guys later on how it goes so other people can learn from how I hopefully successfully resolved this. I am seeing her tomorrow but plan to take it easy since I won't have the pill yet by then. Probably going to do something next week or so. Won't be delaying it too much but doesn't make sense to rush and force it either (like I tried last time) -- any thoughts on that?

Oh and as for the booze - when I say I will try to reduce it, it doesn't mean I was drinking a lot - I had like a glass and a half of wine. But still I think it was a bit too much for the purpose.

The main issue with alcohol is it can dehydrate you, which can make your erections lower quality on a physical level. A glass and a half of wine, really shouldn't cause any performance issues at all.

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RSDTyler

@irquas basically dont daydream about sex, just keep yourself busy mentally with work/hobbies/studying. The reason why is to do with your brain chemicals, as it makes the rush you get around a woman more intense if your fully loaded whereas if your thinking about porn or fantasy type women when it comes to the real thing your brain only send 50% of the signals to your dick to be turned on and it wont respond the way it should do because you've mentally desensitized yourself.

It takes a while to get over it but if you can go a week you'll be amazed at how much more intense being with a girl is and that rush will distract you from thinking about not getting it up.

And like i said before you want this girl as a girlfriend so just tell her the truth, once you get it off your chest and be more emotionally connected you'll find you will get another hard on.

Also google your brain on porn just incase as well. They have some very useful information on there as it wouldnt surprise me if your just a bit too used to being alone in front of a computer looking at porn and thats what your brain is comfortable with so being in a difference situation if not flowing like it should do.

Do not do this. Especially before you've had sex, but not ever, really.
At absolute most, YOU can start the DTR talk.

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RSDTyler

Stop porn, do you think an alpha watches porn or fucks real women? Real men fuck real women.

If you do jerk off, at least try to stay away from it for more than 24 hours before you expect to have sex.

Alcohol can be a double edged sword, it can help you or hurt you depending on how much you have had.

Ultimately, I think a lot of guys have had this problem. I know I did in the past, I couldn't get hard with condoms on, couldn't cum at times, and the whole deal. After I got more experience I didn't think about it and it became no big deal, and i have had a lot of amazing sex.

This sounds cliche, but enjoy the moment, don't think, just fuck. It may take your third or fourth girl before you feel comfortable.

I get the problem of going limp when I'm with a girl for the first time more often than I'd like to admit...However I've found something that works, and here's what helps me.

First of all, if you can get boners in your sleep, etc without viagra then your problem is purely psychological.

This is what I do: When you are naked with her, slow the fuck down. Lay her on her back and spread her legs. Take your limp tip and just rub it over the surface of her vag lips slowly, and just focus on making her feel good. Come from the frame that you are teasing her, and tell her to close her eyes and focus on the feeling, and to indulge. After a few seconds, I'll ALWAYS get hard from that point on, and slowly start penetrating... keep the focus on HER

I hope that works for you.

Thanks, will give that a shot as well!

Plaster of Paris works well for broken arms and legs that limp. Maybe you broke your cock somewhere and so it's limping. Plaster of Paris seems to be a good solution.

I wouldn't recommend formalin as that may damage your cock.

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Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Viagra will make his dick hard but it won't solve his psychological problem of getting to know the girl better and to have a closer emotional connection with her as I previously stated. How fucking stupid are you morons? Don't you guys want a happy, healthy sex life with a girl they love and respect? Or do you just want a hard cock to stick in a hole and say 'Yay me! I fucked a girl!! I'm da man!!' No wonder so many of you are lonely, confused and stupid on here. The advice you give to each other is dangerous. You want a QUICK FIX which will only bring major problems in later life.

Think with your brains. Not with your cock.

The Tea Party reasoning is strong in this one.

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RSDTyler

"Let your cock be the guide. May the hard on be with you."

Yoda
Star Wars

That's the most effective pick up advice I ever had.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html