Situation

I've been dating a pretty hot girl for the past 3 weeks (we've been on a coffee when we met in the street, then twice on drinks and then the date yesterday at my place). To cut to the point, when watching a movie, we started making out, I went down on her and made her cum with my tongue and fingers and then when the point came for my cock to get hard, it just wouldn't.

Now I have seen plenty of threads about what can cause this like jacking off, porn and alcohol and I am guilty of all three to an extent. I will work on addressing that in the longer run and I am getting Viagra as insurance so it doesn't repeat the next time whenever that will be, until I am confident I can get it up whenever I want.

We cuddled and talked for about 2 hours afterwards, kissing from time to time. I know my kissing really turns her on, she's been telling me stuff like "you're a good kisser" and that it's turning her on. Never mind the wet panties. She's been caressing my cock from time to time but it wouldn't get hard. Then she left to go home though because "it doesn't feel right" for her to stay over when she's known me for over 3 weeks. For context she told me the guys she's dated previously she had known for a long time before.

While cuddling she even told me that when we had our first coffee she had been seeing a guy for like a month before who she didn't see again because of me. According to what she said she had never intended to see me again after the first coffee because of that (but did in the end obviously).

Question: what next?

Presumably I don't send a needy text "Hey sorry for yesterday next time will be better". I don't know what to send or say. Intuition tells me I should just pretend like it didn't happen?

To be clear I like her as a person and would like to have relationship with her rather than just be FB (if there is anything after yesterday). And I am normally pretty horny.

This is just something I am really not prepared for. And I don't have to rant for hours how pissed off I am with myself.

Do you think this is due to the fact you are 85?

Did I miss where the OP said he was 85?

This shit happens buddy. You're in your own head...

Can you get hard if you're on your own?

Definitely cut out the porn... But as long as you're physically actually capable of getting hard either with her (before sex) or on your own - or whatever - there's probably not an issue with the hardware... and the problem is mental.

I wouldn't bring it up specifically, just act normally. Set up the next date, and make sure she knows she's wanted so she doesn't think you weren't attracted to her.

Have you had sex before? If not this could just be nervousness over the first time. Here's a thread with some advice for similar issues: erection-goes-away-when-it-gets-serious-vt182709.html

Also if you're capable of masturbating, or getting erections normally then viagara may not help. It treats physical problems with getting an erection, which you don't have if you can get an erection in other situations. If this was just nervousness/anxiety or something I'm told cialis works better in those cases.

Thanks for the answers.

I am 22, and yes, never had sex before (never have had sex is unfortunately the right way to put it right now.. ). I don't think it's an issue with the hardware. Having a quick read through about similar posts I can identify things that in hindsight I shouldn't have done. First is watching porn -- these days I might see it like twice a month at most, but I think the problem is when I jack off I do it by using visual memory of the porn I've seen. So I guess that pretty much counts as watching porn for the purposes of this many days each month. So yeah I am going to cut it out completely including visualizing it. I think this has desensitized me quite a lot.

Second is jacking off on my own. Going to stop that as well.

Third is I did have a decent amount of wine by the time we got to it and I do notice that makes me going hard much less likely. Now this is much harder to cut out cause for many girls (this one as well) it's kind of part of the "romantic" experience so it doesn't really fly if I go "ok here is your wine, I am going to have my tasty... water/coke/whatever". Any tips on how to cut this out in a reasonable manner?

As for if I can get hard normally, this answer is pretty easy. Say I have not jacked off for a week (with or without porn). I have gotten hard even in the street after a minute when a hot girl likes me and blushes and all that. I have gotten hard a week ago after waking up just thinking about this girl. Like pretty crazy hard.

I don't mean to use Viagra to "solve" this for any more beyond like two weeks, but like I'd like something that acts as an insurance at least the next time.

We got the next date on Sunday. Hopefully it will be enough to recharge myself.

i was kidding, lol i was going to ask if you were a virgin....yea brother it was the fact that you were a virgin, its cool and happens a lot, its not cause of porn its not cause of anything else, you were nervous, it happened to me too

the 2nd time will be easier man trust me, you lost your v card, the pressure will be off now

I'd get the viagra as a backup. But also make sure to take a smaller dose, while alone to test it. I've heard some weird reaction stories, and I would not want to test it the first time, while with a girl.

I see no problem with using something like that for a few times until you're totally beyond the nerves of first time sex.

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RSDTyler

Don't do this

Yeah, much better to keep going limp, fail to have sex yet again, and cause the problem to grow cyclically worse, as most of these threads detail.

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RSDTyler

Yeah to be honest I don't see what would be wrong with it. It's not like I plan to use it a lot or forever, just as a backup first couple of times. I get that it's not an actual proper solution, but it should work as a short term fix while the other issues fix themselves over time after the behavioural changes I have started to make. Even if it didn't have an actual physical effect for me, the placebo effect is well worth it. If it is inside my mind then taking a pill you believe makes it go away is what placebo excels at.

I am going to try it out when alone to check for the side effects and then going to give it a shot next time we go for it. Might not necessarily go for it straight next time just cause I am getting them from a trusted source abroad (they get them from a friend in an official pharmacy so it's not some useless/dangerous crap from the internet) and they won't probably arrive by Sunday.

He's not going to stay limp,he's not going to grow worse, it's a part of learning about sex.

You're steering away from the actual problem, it's not your sex drive, it's not the porno it's not the jerking off.

At the end of the day it's up to you, chances are still over think and you will have a hard dick and not cum either way

I understand part of the problem is it is in my head, but it looks unlikely it's 100% of it.

But it seems sensible to take the pill first 2 or 3 times if it makes it almost certain I will come hard and avoid multiple fails in a row. And yeah then I would not be taking it again.

The thing is, if it's in my head, and I don't have the problem the pill is supposed to addressed, then the placebo effect is still pretty strong. It's like sometimes you get much better from something after someone gives you a pill that you think solves it even though it's actually useless. In this case it would give me much more confidence - "I am on the pill, hence no problems getting hard, hence I don't really care about it".

After 2 or 3 times, or even the first time, I wouldn't be taking it again. I agree it doesn't solve the underlying problem, just a symptom of it.

In essence, the idea is that the pill will give him an uncontrollable boner. Thus it doesn't matter how psyched out he gets, he'll have an erection one way or the other.

You seem to think viagra restores a man's natural ability to gain an erection and works only if he can't do that. That isn't even close to what viagra does. It basically gives you an uncontrollable boner that won't go down for a few hours no matter what you do. It's widely used in the porn industry to stay hard non-stop for 4 hour shoots. And also used by straight actors to participate in gay porn. If viagra can keep a straight man hard while he fucks men, I'm pretty sure it will keep OP hard while he's a bit nervous about this girl.

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RSDTyler

That is exactly it my point. He is getting a hard on from a pill and not for being aroused