Hey, I dated this girl twice (both of us in our 30s) and she seemed completely in-love – she kept saying how interesting and amazing I was.. kissing me a lot, puppy dog eyes look and she talked about numerous things we should do together in the future. To my surprise she cut me loose today (2 days after our 2nd date). I was quite devastated by this, because I really liked her, and very surprised by this turn of events.
I did have some strong, game especially before and on the first date. But I also fucked many things up:
She kept saying doesn’t believe in having personas and kept giving me compliments ect and I got duped into reciprocating which I think was a mistake. The problem is I am very naive, and it really disarmed me that she talked this way. On the other hand I am not sure how I should have reacted to that.
I an addition afterwards in texting I put too many smilies ect, and even wrote her a poem .. I know, I suck. Like I knew it’s wrong to send it but couldn’t help myself.
When texting I told her I liked kinky movies.. this was followed by silence. That was yesterday in the evening. But when I texted her thing morning she replied cheerfully. Anyway, I think this was stupid, because she seemed a little sexually apprehensive as it was, and a bit shy, so bringing up a kinky subject wasn’t very practical in this case.
I think another fuckup is, I suggested too many times for her to come over.. I suggested it both at the end of the 2nd date (she said it was late), yesterday (she needed to study) and today (working until late)…
Anyway, after normally chit chating throughout the day this is what she wrote me this evening:
Her: Hey what’s up?
Me: I’m great just got back from the gym.. sup with you?
Her: cool
Her(4 minutes later) : I have to share with you what I am going through… I don’t know why, but yesterday I got up in the morning feeling like I should take a few steps back from has been weaving between us… I don’t know if it is because the chemistry that is needed in a romantic relationship is absent or because it’s actually a fear of mine… I am really frustrated from this feeling because you are a really really amazing and special person but I can’t get over this feeling that I have.. That’s as truthful as I feel with any BS..
ME: I understand, it’s all good
ME: have the best of luck
Her: sucks

Here I think I also fucked up.. I panicked and ejected before understanding if she is really shutting down or just trying to figure things out.

Anyway I wanted to know how bad were my fuck ups.. Which ones do you think messed this up?
Also, How do I keep my persona up.. it is so, so difficult for me? I always get tempted to put my guard down.. Especially with a girl that seem to do so herself? Problem is she still has her boobs to attract me after she does that, but I am left with nothing.
And most importantly… can this be salvaged? How should I have responded to that long text? Is there anything I can do now?

If you read all this you are the man. Any help will be appreciated.

#HatingLife

Good!
You might been obviously disappointed but you saw it coming unconsciously!
The problem is not the peom or the smilies. Its your insecurities that freak te woman out. How can she trust you if you dont trust yourself? Accept yourself and that you like smilies, if you realy like them. There is nothing wrong with some investment from your side.
So its you being insecure again? If you would like it you just tell her and she will be following like its all cool along the way. Why you displaying kinky movies when you havent fucked her in the first place?
Excuses: I can not come *insertrandomexcuse*. If a woman wants to come over she will if not she wont. End of story! Its a nice way to say: Sorry your nice but I your not man enoug for me. Man up! In connection to those kinky movies it looks kinda wierd. You invite her home, she rejects and you watch kinky movies. Sounds like a person to me that wants to fuck girls but end up in the room watching redtube?
You havent fucked her and so much chitty chatty? I dont like to text but I like to meet up. A few comfort messages are ok in my opinion but otherwise I cut them!
A girl I dated once complained about missing feelings after we dated for 3 months and fucked 20 times +. Was fun. View it as some shittest. She: bla bla bla we shouldnt do this. Why do you listen to her? Arrange a date. If she comes great, otherwise: next!
Dont figure anything out. Organize a date, even as friends and continue!
I wanted to know - insecurities!
Practice! At first I sucked at kissing some girl because it was "difficult". Not I suck because I dont get a hardone last morning in bed :/. We all got our sticky points and you have yours. You know where your problems are!
I am always tempted to become lazy again and be chody again. Were not here to grant you permission for that.
Appearently it worked for her Sure: I would have texted: Sure, I can completely understand you. I also feel sometimes a bit confused about people. Tonight there is some fancy bbq/party at a friends place. We will do some *insertcoolstuffyourdoing*. It will be fun, so join me at 10pm at *mettingplace*
Your welcome

Dont hate life. Your only hating yourself because you didnt do what you wanted to. Dont blame someone else for your mistakes

_________________
Command and Conquer!

Gimme more cochones cabron!

This is true, I was conscious of my mistakes, but she acted so infatuated, that I thought I will prevail nonetheless.
This is completely true, though it was obvious from the context I was referring to porn, I talked about the Secretary, if you know that movie. It’s strange, I’m trying to understand why I wrote her that. Looking inside, I think I was sabotaging myself on purpose a little bit, to see if I can still pull thru.
Ya, I definitely did way more than I should of that between the dates. Again, this strange feeling that it was on purpose somehow. Like a voice inside decided he is needy now and doesn’t give a shit about anything else at that moment. It’s an impulsive thing.
So true… under stress I just forget the basics sometimes. Dont figure anything out. Organize a date, even as friends and continue!
How do I root them out?
Anything specific you think I can do to practice keeping a persona besides just gaming a lot and being mindful?
How do you fight it off? Thank god for that!
And most importantly… can this be salvaged? How should I have responded to that long text? Is there anything I can do now I already texted her “have the best of luck”. Should I address this somehow, or just act as if I didn’t send it?
Again, so, so true.. like everything else you said.
My game was reasonable in the past, but a year ago I had some unrelated medical incident that completely threw a curve ball at my entire life.. Just recently I started to get back to game/dating, and the results are not what they used to be. It’s very frustrating. But I understand that there is nothing to do besides manning up and fighting thru rejections until I emerge on the other side.
Thanks for all the sound advice.. this is really helping me out.

I would respectfully disagree with the other poster who answered you here...

The problems - as I see them - and the reason she kicked you to the curb are as follows:

- The poem
- The neediness
- The kinky movies line on a second date (where she obviously wasn't feeling that same level of 'sharing') - you overshared
- You may have pushed a bit too hard to get her back to your place.
- The poem
- The poem

Both the movies and the pushing to go back to your place were areas where you could have probably read her interest level and reaction to you better. It's fine to say those things, in general - as long as the other person is ready for them.

What probably didn't contribute:

- The smilies - dial them back a bit, but I doubt you got dumped because of them

Thanks a lot, you cracked me up with the poem thing.. ya it was completely retarded. But the other stuff was probably worse.. I now think the worst part was how I handled sexuality in general. I didn't calibrate to her at all. Next to that was the neediness in over texting/smilies/poem between the 2 dates. I got over excited over the success of the first date.

I won't repeat what has already been covered; the poem, smilies, neediness etc.

But... This is the crux of the issue in my opinion, I've had the same issue plenty of times. You meet a girl who's super into you, she's texting you all the time, can't get enough of you, is even inviting you out and all you can think is "OMG this is fucking awesome, she's so into me, I don't need to work anymore, I can just switch off." Then poof, she's gone like Keyser Soze... WTF HAPPENED??!! You switched off. What's worse is not only did you switch off, but most likely changed your behaviour because you didn't want to "Mess this up", hence sending the poem for example; my guess is that to get her on the first and second dates, there was no poem. I've been guilty of this myself, changing behaviour in order to not mess up, but what happens is you change from the person she liked in the first place into someone completely different.

Of course you have to calibrate to different situations, but not at the expense of who you are.

_________________
"My toughest opponent is always myself"
Musterion's Journal

I''m not sure wether I like the replies or not, I'm in the same situation as you except that she hasnt cut me loose yet but I'm expecting her to do so in 1 day.

_________________
We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.

I think you identify a huge point, I did in fact feel that "I don't need to work anymore". But for me it went further then that.. there was a part of me that I find difficult to understand that sabotaged this on purpose. I didn't send the poem to not mess up.. I sent it fully KNOWING it's bad but thinking "Well, I feel like sending it because its a cool poem, and she is practically in love with me so what's the harm".. so I sent it even though my head was full with alarms going off. I think my actual motivation, as childish as it sounds, was just wanting someone to see my "art". That, and maybe unconsciously trying to see how many fuckups I can do and still get her... apparently not that many.

Small update: decided not to write this one anything further, but... I have a new girl from Tinder practically begging me to come over tomorrow and fuck me. I kid you not. I told her next week because I have stuff to do tomorrow.. she said she got an f in delaying satisfaction so she will come and help. She is not nearly as good looking as the previous one, but she sounds like a real whore.. lol. I can make a post about the texting game I did if anyone is interested (hint: EXTREMELY direct sexually - because I figured her out early).

My situation had many elements, so I can't imagine yours is exactly the same. However, I can tell you this: assuming your main problem is you got over excited from her getting excited then just remember you DON'T need to reciprocate her excitement. Maybe you can even gently make fun of her about it if she is goofy about it like mine was. And try to think of other alternatives so you want have this great fear of losing her. Lastly, don't push for another date as hard as I did. Just slow down a-bit for 2-3 days band try to build comfort/attraction (according what is lacking.. I lacked comfort I think) over the phone and texting before suggesting again.

I meant more that I got the feeling that she is about the cut me loose and now that I read the comments I started to doubt my own game (which is probably not needed).
All I did was text her that I enjoyed the evening, asked her if she is a good cook and when she said ye I said: Ok we got a deal, you cook for me and I do something fun with you in exchange.

It's just that this thread made me insecure haha.
Just do what has been said before, it will probably work. If it doesnt: move on

_________________
We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.

That could be down to entitlement; like you didn't truly deep down believe that you were entitled to having this hot girl all over you, so even though you knew doing this or that would be a mistake, a part of you wanted to mess up in order to prove yourself right that infact you didn't deserve this hot girl in your life. I could be wrong of course, but that's what it sounds like to me.

_________________
"My toughest opponent is always myself"
Musterion's Journal

You reek of neediness and lack of masculinity

Everyone is right but the problem of all this is you.

Learn to man the fuck up. Go out and meet more girls, get on more dates

You are acting very needy and 9/10 it's due to scarcity of women. Learn to be good with women and even if you don't have a bunch of girls you will know that you have a better opportunity of meeting someone and you won't act like a virgin

When she send you that text was confused right? Good women always are, she needs you to be that centered man who's going to make her feel like everything is going to be ok and I don't see that I. You.

I've had the let's just be friend speech 2 times in my life.... I fucked them both under an hour, why? Cause I didn't care and I went for it anyways....what if I would of said "oh ok I understand"? I would of missed out!

Just to give you guys a quick update.. the way things turned out was actually completely for the best. I ended up fucking a cool girl a few days later.. the day after got a BJ from someone else and a few hours after that got with another girl which I am still with and she is beyond amazing. So I guess my subconscious sensed that something better was just around the corner...

So thanks again everyone.. reading all your comments really helped set mind my mind straight.

That's cool but don't let this girl get you so caught up on her that you start acting needy. If you are still technically single you need to keep going out and meeting other girls.

_________________
What would James Bond do?

I am very aware of this. I am not single.. we did decide to be a couple, even though neither of us was planning it or looking for a relationship beforehand. But this is what we both want now. I do flirt with other women still but my challenge lies elsewhere. My head is very clear and focused regarding her and the relationship, the difficulty is keeping my head straight on my life as a whole. Even managing energy levels is challenging.. she has a very high sex drive. Which is only amplified by how she feels about me. While this is amazingly fun and complementing, it is also draining me at times. So I am trying to think of ways to keep myself energized and focused on my life.