My gf has a good guy friend. The good guy friend has a roommate, who has a girlfriend. Her hook up buddy was the roommate

She told me that "they had a thing together." She said they didn't fuck but they hooked up a couple of times while the guy was in a LDR, which he is still in now.

We got into the relationship recently and she told me about "the thing" before we went over to the friend's place for beer pong. When we left the place she was pretty drunk. She had texted him "I fucking hate you" because apparently he played "their song" at the party.

He texted her back some random stuff later but it wasn't anything explicit that they should hook up.

Anyway the next day when she sobered up I told her she has to cut all contact with him or we are breaking up. She refused. She said she wont hook up with him but if he were to text her, she would text him back, even though she promises they wont hook up. I started to pack my things but eventually I apologized for overreacting.

Now I moved from her city and we are in a LTR. Her and the guy roommate are in the same city. She went over to her friend's place for pregame. I am guessing the hook up guy will be there. She did tell me before hand that she is going over. I just said "Ok, have fun, dont get too drunk."

But I don't really know what to do...since she did cheat with him when the guy was in a LTR...I am unhappy that she is going over but I can't not let her go over to her friends. I also don't want to restrict her from doing so, since that will be pretty insecure.

Advice?

Its already a rap man. If you can do long distance while she sleeps with him, do it. If not get ready to find someone new.

Look don't get too invested. Unfortunately being the casual fun fuck buddy is when you will get the most honesty from a girl. As soon as you're on a relationship frame the more likely it is for bullshit, false impressions, and playing to take place. Keep gaming other women, just to keep sharp and maintain other women, and fk other women to keep from oneitis.

Check this out. Because myself, I'm finely tuned to vibes being thrown off, and can smell bullshit a mile away. Reasonable that so long as things aren't "serious" and @ 4 months it's not such a big deal.

I mean guys...how much can you trust anyone you've known only a few months. Enough to cause you serious pain and loss? As a man, exploring other options is much more acceptable and tolerable so long as you keep it discreet and hold frame. So, fuck other women on the side if you have any concerns. Gauge her interest. Flirt, be sociable, and keep your options open. Of course depending on how small your community town/city is . May have to keep it more indirect or casual versus a big city where word may get back.

http://kennyspuathoughts.com/2013/04/15 ... tionships/

You are telling him to go cheat on his gf, because he feels insecure?? WTF?
How can this advice ever lead to a stable, non fucked up relationship????

The problem with him is he now has a long distance relationship. Honestly, long distance kills feelings and emotions. You get those rare exceptions and everyone thinks they are the exception, but they are not. I'd agree with neo87. Wrap it up and be on the emotionally upper hand. Then once you get back to the city she is at, you don't have the relationship between you two ruined yet and still have chances to hook up again.

Was on my way out so didn't have a chance to write alot.

Here are my reasons:

1. If she could fuck a guy who was in a relationship, she can fuck while in a relationship herself. She has already shown her morality on the subject of cheating and relationships.

2. She is going to her ex hook up buddy's place and drinking. She can rationalize it's just sex, plus he was "drunk."

3. He can still get her to react on an emotional level. So LDR+Alchohol+emotion spiking = easy "accident."

Here's a tip. Always screen a girl for relationship material. Look at how she lives and has lived her life. If a girls friends are whores and you think she is the good girl you're wrong. If she has fucked someone in a relationship she will fuck in a relationship herself.

Neo is spot on. People do change but ussually as they get older and she still sounds young and ready to party. Also what kind of fuck buddies have "their song"? If she was upset over him playing it she still has feelings...

Yeah it is clear to me she still has feelings for the guy. She even admitted it. And I also saw that since she would do it with him when hes in a relationship, she would do it when shes in a relationship. Especially when alcohol is involved.

I already told her that I think this way, but she said she won't cheat.

But we also have strong feelings together, probably stronger than the feelings she has with him. Am I supposed to ask her to suppress those feelings?

*She did tell me beforehand that she is going over, it is better than hiding that from me.

Also, I think that just because we are in a LDR, and I can't fully trust her, I can't really go after other women. I have gone down that path before...if I go down this path with that girl, it won't be a healthy relationship.

So do I tell her again not to go over to see her friends? or just let her do whatever she wants so I dont seem insecure?

No. You grab your balls and tell her the relationship is not working for you. We are long distance and you have feelings for a guy that you go to his place and drink. Things are too complicated and I'd rather just be without the messiness. Take care.

Are you saying to do that with the intention of bluffing? so that she will actually cut contact?

No, he means you end the relationship before it goes completely down hill, which all LDRs do...

Edit: I've been through several LDRs, the one that worked out the best was the one that I ended before any emotional fuck up. After a while, when we met again, we were able to hook up again without hard feelings for what happened. The other ones... Whatever I did, I was a nice guy and allowed her to go out with anyone, I was a jealous type who said don't go out, it all ended the same. The relationships broke off with cheating involved.

You can not keep her interest at the same level as when you are around and there WILL end up a guy next to her who achieves a higher level interest than you do...

The advice is simple. Don't make ultimatums. Tell her that things won't work out because she insists on keeping in touch with someone she had a "thing" with from the past, and that you two should go your separate ways (don't be dramatic, don't call names/yell, and once again, don't be dramatic). Its not controlling, its not an ultimatum, and its not needy/insecure. Its sincere, and if you have any self respect, you should follow through. No guy should have to put up with it. If she decides you're worth forgetting about the other guy, she'll do it. If not, then move on, as you should, because you'll be losing a doomed relationship and a shitty gf.
Good luck.