Hey guys,

I have been studying PUA for a while now, but I still fail to fully grasp how the female mind works. We all know that women are emotional creatures and that we need to appeal to their emotions. Logic is useless when gaming, so we have to adapt. I struggle with this part but I am definitely more aware of some things compared to 2 years ago.

I have this female Russian co-worker who is an interesting case. I have never tried anything with her but I often use her as a wingman or for emotional support when needed. In exchange, I have to put up with her endless rants. I personally see her as a HB7, but she has tremendous success with guys. I think she has always had it easy in life because of her good looks. She always knows when to smile in order to get her way. This may have distorted her view of reality but that’s another matter. So, she literally gets approached all the time and she has TONS of options. Nevertheless, she ends up with guys who abuse her. This is a real mystery to me and I am trying to analyse her behavior in order to better understand how females think.

So, she basically stayed 2 years in an unhappy/unhealthy relationship and she kept complaining to me all the time. She was crying all the time and saying she had to dump her bf. She was also saying the worst shit about him, yet she always gave him another chance. From what I saw, they were not so much intimate. She wasn’t kissing him like a lover and I doubt they had sex anymore (the guy was not even gaming her). I took her with me to some parties but she kept dismissing other men on the pretext that her bf was by far the best-looking.

She waited to find another guy before dumping him, but what strikes me is that the new bf is not any better than the old one. He’s the same control and jealous freak. He also lied about his religion (the guy is a muslim), his nationality, his father’s job, etc.

No matter how bad this sounds, she has forgiven all that and has decided that there were legitimate reasons for him to lie about himself (he didn’t even need to justify his lies; she did it for him, lol!). Even worse, she now embraces his culture bit by bit. She doesn’t eat pork or drink alcohol anymore (even though she used to enjoy these things) and she even did ramadan with him out of solidarity (she didn’t eat anything until sunset). They were some ups and downs and she has said several times that she would dump him. Yet, she would forget everything, put her nicest clothes and run back to him.

The guy went back home for a week and was texting less often (didn’t text for 24h on 2 occasions). I don’t even think this was a push-and-pull, but he was simply too busy meeting friends and family he hadn’t seen for a while. Anyway, my friend got extremely upset with this decrease of attention and was crying non-stop. So much drama over nothing... He has now returned and she is all lovey-dovey again, lol.

What amazes me the most is that she didn’t even like him in the beginning, and now she is madly in love with him (or so she has convinced herself).

So what gives? I don’t think the guy in question has good game. I saw all the exchanges of sms and the guy appeared super needy (was writing all the time and was kind of begging to meet her). He also kept making mistakes (tried to outdrink her – a Russian! - in order to get her into his bed, keeps begging for sex, leaves condoms everywhere as a subliminal message, etc.).

If I did half the things he did with any girl, I would have taken the door. I know she was desperate for a relationship, but this is beyond my comprehension. Maybe the shower of compliments managed to seduce her? The only good thing that I acknowledge about him is that took her to some interesting places.

What the fark is wrong with that woman? Of all the guys that courted her, she chose that specific one. Can’t she see the red flags? They are so big that you would have to be blind not to notice them.

My question

Do all women behave in such an erratic and non-logical way or is it that my friend has simply shitty taste in men? This is quite important as it means I can drop entirely my gentlemanly behavior from now on. I have been brought up that way but it hasn’t helped me at all with women. This guy was acting all creepy: touching her when she didn’t want to and pressuring her for sex, and he still got his way. I know that women have are also horny and have dirty minds, but I still don’t find it appropriate to be too forceful when displaying sexual interest (I take things kinda slow to be honest).

I would really appreciate any feedback as I am really puzzled by this concrete example.
Cheers

How do you know she didn't like it?

You were trying to "game" the girl. He was trying to get laid.

And if you're moving too slow, fuckin' speed it up dude. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

Girls who get with abusive guys have been abused themselves. When sbe encounters a guy who treats her well she'll often complain of him being "boring". Abused females come from abusive households, typically. They have insecure attachments and only feel 'at home' when they're with abusive partners. They get with low self-esteem males because the poor SPAM these guy's dole out reflect her own perceived low value.

This is a powerful reminder about expectations. if you have an expectation that you don't deserve much, or aren't worthy of love, you'll instinctively seek-out a partner that reflects that (self-fulfilling prophecy).

Healthy, higher self-esteem women don't do what your friend does. They instead seek out partners with a secure attachment style. They typically don't tolerate abusive, low self-esteem males and often can't relate to women who stay in abusive relationships.

The reason she is continuously being drawn into the types of guys she's with is because of how they make her feel. I did a little bit of research on "Battered woman syndrome" and although this is not as extreme a case, the concept I believe is similar. In brief, if a man rewards a woman for investing her time and compliance into him, (such as sex, positive reaction, etc.) then she associates that when she does things her man likes, she'll be rewarded. The opposite happens in terms of if she does not act favorable, and becomes punished (gets ignored, etc.). The men that she's with reward and punish her early on in attempts to make her loyal and submissive.

Eventually the reward and punishment system the men have enforced does not correlate with positive and negative actions that the woman performs, respectively. So what happens? The woman then becomes submissive to please the man, in hopes that she will be rewarded again. All the man has to do, is reward her every now and then spontaneously to keep her by his side.

Basically, she meets a new guy who treats her right (or so she thinks) for a while. Then he lies, but punishes her for being upset (he's probably not needy of her, and willing to let her go). This in turn makes her crawling back to these types of men.

Women like to feel. They are highly empathic, and want to be there for the man, and will justify a reason to do so. With that being said, taking it slow, is not going to work. You need to be quick and decisive. You need to act like a leader, because in our DNA, that's the type of man a woman wants. You don't have to be a jerk to make women feel, but you can't be a suck up.

You know you want her, so get her and do it ASAP.

And if she declines, it happens! Plenty of beautiful women out there waiting for you to take them and lead!

Any questions, shoot me an email, man. Hope this helped.

Thanks for the input, guys!
So, if I get it right, I can use push and pull to my advantage (reward girl for positive traits, punish for negative traits) in order to make her loyal and submissive. To be honest, I remember that this strategy used to work quite well on my ex.

The reason I take things slow is because I am also assessing girls before making them my girlfriends. I don't want to end up with a psycho, so it takes me several meetings to decide if she is the right one for me (it's like a screening process). The prob is that women are so impatient these days and don't give second chances easily. You fail to kiss her at the right time, she won't look at you again.


Just to clarify one thing, I do NOT want to date her. First, she is a co-worker and her office is literally next to mine. Secondly, I have the impression she has a pretty low sex-drive (totally incompatible with me). Thirdly, I saw how she treated her ex and plotted against him, and I definitely do not want to be the next guy that has to go through that. Finally, she has some entitlement issues, she believes she can manipulate any man with her looks.
In my view, this girl is broken and there is no hope for her. She will probably keep having abusive boyfriends without realising why she is attracted to them.

I mentioned her case as I found it fascinating for her to behave in a way that defies all logic. When you have TONS of options, you are supposed to pick the best one out there.
The only weird thing in this story is that she is a daddy's girl. She always talk about him in sweet terms and she doesn't seem to have been abused. Unless it was her very first bf that abused her, who knows...


BUT then, can you explain me this other situation?

There was this girl I kinda liked. We were a large group of people, we went to some bar and we ran into another group. The guys from the other group were acquainted with some guys from our own group, so we eventually merged together. Then, there was this annoying guy who started hitting on the girl I liked. He was putting his arms all around her all the time, was kissing her randomly on the cheek and was trying to isolate her from the rest of the group.

She didn't seem to like it at first (I could see an annoyed look on her face), but then she was not reacting any more and let him do his thing. I know this girl is not into ONS and that she isn't the one to be seduced easily (well, that's what I think at least). She was not returning him any of his affections nor showing him any IOIs, but she was still letting him have his way. If it was me, I would have simply told him to stop or something like that. I was curious and I asked her about that. She pretended she didn't understand the question.
I am really puzzled by this behaviour. Did she really like it being touched and kissed all over by some random guy?

I kinda messed up that night as she was begging me to stay longer and dance with her, but I was really exhausted (had a rough day and had stuff to do the next morning) and just went back home instead.

I wasn't there and am hearing only your account.

Possibly the guy wasn't fearful to escalate things and she found that attractive. Girls like to feel sexy and a guy who physically escalates will often make her feel that way (unless she's really repulsed by him). Guys who sexualize the vibe have abundance or at least are well on their way, wallflower types too scared to make a move often come here complaining of being friended whenever they come across a girl they're interested in.

Well you see, as a recovering AFC, I am realising that physical escalation is the way to go. I always thought girls didn't want that, but I couldn't be more wrong!
I am not really the touchy-feely kind of person. I don't like to touch other people too much, unless this person is my gf. Therefore, I always assumed that other people didn't like being touched either.
During past dates, I always waited for a sign in order to escalate, but that sign never came so I never did anything and I kept losing the girls in the end.
I have never managed to learn how to escalate and this is uncharted territory for me. I really have to step out of my comfort-zone but it's kind of hard to me. I cannot bring myself to touch someone that I barely know.

The lesson I learned is that it's never "game over" unless she clearly says it. If I touch her hand and she doesn't say anything, it's ok. I have put my arms around her waist and she doesn't say anything, the game is still on.
I really have to work on that aspect of game.

Obviously you've touched women before. So where's the threshold for you when you decide to take that initiative?

Dunno, I usually wait for the 2nd or 3rd date. A bit too late for PUA standards...
Moreover, as I am not too comfortable with the whole thing, I don't kino the right way. I suck at this and I end up touching girls in a weird and clumsy way.

I have recently met a French Milf that seems to be into me (last time we met, she was giggling non-stop). To be honest, I really wanted to grab her and kiss her on the spot (like PUAs do in all these youtube videos), but it all seemed too soon to me. I don't like to escalate too fast as I don't have the confidence nor the skills yet to pull that shit and get things my way. I will try it out next time though
She seems kinky, so it could work out