Normally I'm the one giving advice. This is for the old/experienced heads of the board, most of you know who I am by now. My state the past while has been really out-of-whack. I had gotten out of beyond toxic relationship with a borderline personality disordered woman who at the end of the rel decided to prostitute herself and maliciously use the cops again, which to say the least I had found quite the betrayal, and emasculating - both understatements.

My new gym has a tonne of women to choose from. Today things were quiet, and I was training not far from one of the regulars. I've seen her over the past few months and felt as though she was stealing glances on more than a few occasions, but I felt on the fence about her and not really in the mood to push beyond what I am comfortable with given what I had dealt with from the shit-storm that was my last relationship. The girl had passed me on numerous occasions between sets of squats and going to the water fountain. On one of her last goes I made sure I was facing towards her as she was heading back to her set. I had commented to her that her squat was one of the best I'd ever seen "where'd you learn to squat like that? Not that there's any particular institution I'm sure, but damn your squat is exceptional". Her reaction was one of surprise, and she seemed more than happy to talk (brightness in her face). Cool chick, I made a joke that I'd started training immediately after I left the womb, while she responded that she was doing body weight exercises in the womb.

Seems like a nice cool chick, witty too, got a nice vibe from her. Anyway, after about 2 minutes of banter she tells me her name and extended her hand to me to shake mine. I had told her my name and a moment later she told me she had to get back to her super set.

All in all a success. I said to myself I'd open her and I did. I figure over the next bit I'll converse with her more, use my dry whit, joke about w her (it's who I am, not an act). But sooner rather than later I need to get her out, or at least even invite her to workout with me. Lots of angles I can take, appreciate any input.

Does seem like a cool chick as you know the only thing to keep in mind in this situation is the shitting where you eat thing.

I feel like if you were to engage some other women to get yourself back into the flow of things that the pickup of the gym girl might be easier. Since you're inching your way back in to the game you might be attaching more importance to this girl than you otherwise would, and if the pickup doesn't work you might beat yourself up about it a bit.

Since you know the game, if you engage some other women then the transition to getting the gym girl out might flow easier for you. Like you said there are many angles to get her out, nothing wrong with a standard close in this situation IMO (# close, meet for drinks etc.). Alternatively could invite her to something that relates to ur shared interest.

Back in the field already? Awesome!

I'm sure you've heard of soul mates, gym girl just might be your swole mate.

Here's a thought, instead of gaming her and sowing your wild oats..

Why not just connect with her on your identified mutual interest - healthy lifestyles.

Exchange recipes(nutrition for gaining or cutting), work out programs or even spotting each other.

If the interaction peculates organically into something more then explore that.

But just enjoy the back and forth energy that you have now with her through your personality and humor.

And don't forget to get her tickets..to your gun show(flexing biceps all over the place)

Guys, I appreciate the thoughts/comments.

I've been on/off the board a few years now. I developed my own style which was quite helpful in the gym, natural stuff flying under the radar rather than taking the sexualized route seeing as the gym can be an intimidating place for women.

I agree about the shitting where you eat thing. I learned that first hand with my ex. You know, the one who called the cops on me saying I was harassing her (after I found an ad of hers on seeking arrangements) so she could quell me, and the t shirts she made with statements on them directed at me that she'd wear whilst working out near me. Still recovering so even something as little, or seemingly trivial as talking to other women, particularly in the gym (don't worry I changed gyms a few months back so I could heal and move past my attachment with that psycho) is def pushing myself out of my comfort zone, and a good thing. Time to create some new narratives.

I do realize that my ex was likely suffering from at least one personality disorder, she was extremely damaged and the odds of running into another 'her' are quite slim. But of course when gaming girls who you see repeatedly in your gym it's good to be a bit careful. I am not exactly looking for a relationship, in fact I'm learning to be healthy and content by myself rather than jumping into something new and not deal with the glaring issues I had to get involved with the last girl and remain with her. I know I'm not putting the hookup vibe out there, which is good considering the context. I do feel at times I may put out a bit of awkwardness (probably more in my head than anything else) because I am still recovering from an abusive relationship. That said, I will make it a habit to speak with some of the other women just to get my feet wet in the mean time, but this one seems pretty cool and I was impressed with how she presented.

How is this "shitting where you eat" though? Do you work at the gym?

If you can't meet women that you see at places you go on a day to day basis then you're shooting yourself in the foot. It's perfect positioning.


Good job getting back on your feet dude. Did you get her number? Go for it. At least as a cool person to talk to... if it goes further then that's awesome.

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I'm just questioning...

The water fountain, is it "out of her way" to continue walking past you, or is it just a regular straight line from her location, past you, to the fountain? Usually the fact that she's taking your rout opposed to the easy way, she's already interested in something.

Your opener: Solid
Your humoring her: Solid
Her rebuttals: Solid

She's expressed her interest. All you have to do is express yours for your closer. The only shitty thing is that, if it doesn't work out, you'll still be seeing each other day to day when you're working out at the gym. You face the chance of having bad talk around the gym about you, and if you attempt another girl there, she may have heard something and be turned off before it even started. In the rare chance that it just wasn't working out but everything was good, she may even wing for you. But from the sounds of it - you have a solid chance of hooking this girl.

Oceanx did have a great point though. How much importance do you feel you've already put on this woman in comparison to any of the other women that work out there?

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I see your point. It's probably more of an avoidance tactic on the part of my unconscious. I had met my ex at my former gym, and the ugly way things had unfolded (discovering she had a past as an escort) and her maliciously using the police to intimidate me (I had a cop breathing down my throat she'd call him if she felt I was telling other ppl in the gym about her escorting history and he'd call me using intimidation tactics - in fact if somehow she found out I was here talking about this now I can guarantee she'd call him and have him threaten to arrest and charge me on some BS which obviously wouldn't stick). I created this emasculation narrative which has impeded me massively. I'm doing the right things, I'm learning to be more compassionate with myself, allowing time to heal which involves A LOT of patience. At times my very primal fear kicks of encountering another gym whacko, but that can happen anywhere you go. I guess I'm all the more apprehensive on involving myself with girls in the gym from my last experience, in spite of knowing that this is an irrational belief I'd created.


I didn't get her number, didn't ask. We spoke for a few minutes, vibed well and then she introduced herself to me with her name, asked what my name was, extended her hand to shake mine (thought that was MY job LOL) and then said she had to get back to her super set (she's as intense about her training as I am).

The bench press I was on was between her and the fountain, so yes it makes sense for her to walk by. She however did it on 4-5 different occasions within half hour - I don't think there was any intent on her part but either way I assume attraction anyway.

As per seeing her if it didn't work out, that's fine as there's a fitness model who trains there that I met for a date once from POF. She doesn't talk to me yet trains around me all the time lol. Upon my first time seeing her at the gym I did say "hi" as I was being true to myself - I don't like pretending I don't know somebody and not even acknowledging them, just feels very inauthentic and fake.

Regarding the importance I place on her, I'd noticed this girl many times over the past months but was on the fence attraction wise. After talking to her however I do feel more attracted definitely.

There's another girl there too, another fitness model type very petite (i like em like that) and super toned (almost beyond my liking) cute face however def considered quite attractive. My OPENER for her was flagging her down to SPOT me on the preacher curl bench with a 70lb barbell - I don't know what I was thinking lol. She actually lifted the weight while almost falling over in the process LOL. This girl got a bit annoyed however after I didn't clearly communicate if I wanted her to stay and spot or if i had only needed her to hand me the barbell so after the set she complained that she could have done her set instead of just standing there waiting for me to finish the set that I clearly didn't need help with.

I took the safe route with her, likely feels I wasted her time. This girl too I'm quite certain I'd saw her on many encounters checking me out, and we'd made eye contact on more than a few instances. II did actually approach her the next day and apologized for the poor communication and subsequent slowing down the momentum of her circuit training as a result. I plan on opening her properly soon enough.

LOTS of very cute girls in this gym, so right now it's just a matter of me finding my grounding and rolling up my sleeves to create some opportunities (while dropping the terrible narratives from my ex).

I haven't seen your posts about the relationship you just came out of, but man it sounds harsh!

It's good that you get out there and open a few sets, however, you shouldn't get discouraged if it goes a little slowly to begin with. It takes time to heal from an emotionally abusive relationship like that, and 'slow and steady' seems like the right approach to get back there. Just keep pushing your comfort zone a little at the time.

As for the different angles you can go with this girl, inviting her to work out together sometime seems like the safest one. A lot of girls who are dedicated to working out will decline going for a drink, since they stick to a healthy diet and those floating calories is to be avoided. I would start by having a work-out session, and use the time to get to know her a little better. During some conversation, it should be rather easy to find a hook that you can use to invite her out. Meanwhile, make sure you talk to some other girls aswell, so that you won't become too invested in this one.

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lol yea, brings a whole new meaning on the term "psycho ex"; quite literally she was but I chose to stay with her IN SPITE of discovering that she had a history of escorting before I had met her (and who knows what she was up to behind my back even though we had spent nearly everyday together for a year).

At any rate, ya I know the typical stuff such as not putting all your eggs in one basket (aka one-nittis) etc..etc.. I've had success with gym girls before, I wasn't hitting up most of them however. My ex? Well I saw her in the gym one day and told my friend I'd get her, which I did but unfortunately i stayed too long :p Yea, coming in under the radar IMHO is the best approach particularly with gym girls who tend to automatically have their guard up. I create rapport very quickly, so I'm not too concerned with that at this point its more getting over some of the constraints i developed being with my ex and the amount of shaming I'd let her do to me. Just moving through the process, so feeling a bit like a fish outta water. Its to be expected until the curse completely passes.

I'm really curious as to what about this post would suggest that you need a experienced "pua" to answer?

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More so a validation post.

Respect.

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Saw her again today. Said "hi" as we passed by. Before leaving the gym stopped her to tell her to ask some of the ppl in the gym to leave "I'm sure they won't mind, just very politely tell them that they're breathing too much making the gym too hot and to come back some other time", she smiled, asked her how the workout was going, said she's "out of it...not present" I cut the interaction short it looked like she wanted to get back to training plus I was on my way out and didn't want to linger.

I know at the moment I'm sub communicating a bit of a lack of confidence (or may not be, I'm pretty good with my verbals). Regardless, I don't feel quite grounded but that's ok, I am doing what I need to be doing, and where I am is exactly where I need to be right now, at this point in time. I can't ask for anything more, only patience with myself.

I guess it really depends on how abruptly you ended the conversation with her. If it was one of those awkward "oh, well ok... Cya!" goodbyes, then obviously it would seem like some lack of confidence or something. Whereas, if you just made it seem like quick small talk and left mutually saying goodbye, then you're in the clear.

I'm guessing, by now, that she is picking up on your interest in speaking to her. Stopping to say little things like that; she's aware. I think now is the time where you can extend an invite to join you somewhere on your way out. Something casual. "Hey -small chatter-. I'm about to grab a bite to eat (or grab a juice) from the place down the street [hopefully there's something you can use]. You're welcome to join me if you're about done with your routine."

Not necessarily that way, but along those lines. Obviously you gotta know when her routine is close to done so that you don't interfere with her as she just starts, or mid-routine.

I think you have this one in the bag buddy.

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