I fully agree. I doubt that she will break the 10 days, but in case she does, I will need not to respond.
I've already started looking for other options. Started up a Tinder-account and re-opened my old online dating account, and even got a party planned this weekend. I will have to rediscover myself.
What would your game plan be after the 10 days have passed and I am sitting with her somewhere casual for a coffee?

My game plan would be to not be sitting with her somewhere casual for coffee, for starters.

You aren't wrapping your mind around the fact she's dumped you. Have you been dumped before? Meeting up with her allows her to have her cake and eat it too (IE: keep you around for emotional "friendly" support, while she gets fucked by another guy)...

You want that? No, you don't... So give her what she wants... Make her miss you.

So what do you propose I do after the 10 days?

I agree that she should text me first after the 10 days. But then what?

Say the writes; "Hey, you. I've thought alot about us in the past 10 days. Let's meet up and talk."

Not really, no. This is my first serious relationship. The rest I've had were pretty youth-like and casual leading with me ending it in search for something new and exciting

It feels like as if all my previous experience with girls, albeit the opposite of serious, has vanished into the thin air and I am back on square one.

Listen man, you can do what you want - and ultimately you're likely going to ignore all this advice anyway and comfort her and make her feel wonderful about rejecting you (most guys who ask for advice on here do exactly that, and then they lose the girl).

If after 10 days she says lets meet up, here what I would do - personally: Go... if you want... and go with this mindset "She dumped me, I owe her nothing".

You are STILL not wrapping your mind around this.

Don't touch her, don't get emotional, don't tell her you missed her.

If she tries to kiss you or starts whining about her problems... you say this:

"Listen, the last week has really been eye opening for me. I wanted a relationship with you, but you didn't want that. I can't be there for you as just a friend and not as a boyfriend. That doesn't work for me.

If you're interested in trying this again, then that's something we can discuss... but I'm not interested in friendship or being a shoulder to cry on."

And leave it at that...

One way or another you'll get your answer, as long as you stick to your relationship being 100% in for both of you or 100% out.

In retrospect, I do realise that you are right about the who-dumped-who part. Problem is that I am probably over-analyzing this.

It is also due the fact that I do not want to lose her as a friend - a person that I want to spend time with - I work with her, and I have been friends with her for 3 years before we got together. So it's a huge dilemma for me, to just break it off completely and ignore her

This time, he'll take your advice...

I just don't understand... friends for three years??? What? That whole thing about you being an alpha... that whole thing about "it's over, cuz I just don't feel the magics." The other boyfriend of five years. It just doesn't add-up.

I can't tell if you're too clingy, or if she's the love of your life. It's probably the first one. Maybe you should stop hanging-out with the same ole clique from high school, even if you're the "alpha male" of your local breakfast club.

I understand the confusion! Its details that I did not add in the original story.

We work at the same place - every wednesday to be exact. Besides this, while she's had a boyfriend - before me, we befriended each other at the work place. Texting on facebook from time to time, and hanging out at parties. Right before she and her former boyfriend broke up, we we're working together every wednesday. Additionally we also worked every second weekend for 26 hours in total for two days - standing right next to each other non-stop.

These many hours of non-stop being near each other made me realise that I found this girl very attractive, and thus began to slowly search for IOI's. I Elicititated her values and slowly escalated, while putting up frame by frame about me and drew her into them, while being wary about the fact that she had a boyfriend. She never refused my seemingly friendly and C&F approaches, and I never took it too far due to her status.

Hence why, after the collapse of her relationship with the other dude, she invited me out for two walks, very shortly after the collapse. Things escalated between me and her from the first time we set foot together.

You'll never "find yourself" by filling it with other women, that's the PUA fallacy. You find yourself by being ALONE, with YOURSELF and discovering just who you truly are. Using other women as a crutch to not deal with yourself is no different from any other addiction. You feel you have a dark hole, a void in you with her absence, so you reflexively fill it with someone else ; great way to not deal with the problem once and for all.


Are any of you guys OK with being alone? Seriously, stop being validation whores relying upon women to connect to yourselves, it doesn't work that way and you'll only perpetuate the problem.

I agree with this. Although, I don't think it's so much an addiction to women that you have as it is an addiction to other people.

You'll be fine after a month of no contact. It sounds like you're LTR-minded, so that's something to maybe consider. I don't think she's there, so how is that going to work out between you? Also, she let you know that she didn't want an LTR. The mixed-signal you're getting is that she's emotionally attached to you but mentally unavailable for a relationship, because she never wanted a serious thing to begin with.

Maybe while you're doing your soul-searching, figure what you're drawn to in a woman. In a universe where women don't have boyfriends and cattiness and swag, what do you actually want in a given woman?

And tell your employer you ain't working them 26 hour shifts, mmm mm.

Your post made great sense. Thank you for that! Gave me some understanding of the situation.

Well, today the 10 days have passed. I've done my part to go out and enjoy myself instead of locking myself up. Additionally she wrote a text to me today - albeit at the moment very casual. She asked how my week was, and I answered plain and simple that I went out and had fun with my friends. She explained that her week was boring and that se did not do much besides celebrating her gf's birthday and doing fitness.

We continued texting until she went to bed.

If she was certain that she wanted to fully break up, she would not have texted me today, right? What are your guys perspective on this?

Honestly, I'd be surprised if anything comes of it. You went cold and had some fun but as soon as she needs an emotional tampon to cute some of her boredom, you come bopping along and complying with her needs. You're too busy to text her all damn night, or did you forget that?

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I think we've all told you what you need to do - from our perspectives - and how you're being used, here.

We have all told you what we think she's doing...

There don't appear to be a lot of differing views here, either - so, you've effectively asked 4 or 5 people for their opinions. All 4 or 5 have told you the same thing in a roundabout way (more or less...)

It's up to you whether that's a lifestyle you'd like.

Alright, let me wrap this around my head - You've all tried, but I guess I am too blinded by our past and present.

Things have been weird after the 10 days have passed. She started texting and/or starting a conversation via. snapchat one day, and I continued the conversation the next day. We have basically been in contact every day since the radio-silence. Some of the days I get IOI's, but equally as many has not beared any success.

In conclusion with what 4-5 of you have told me - Stop responding her. Stop texting her. Stay cool around her, without giving in to her. Keep this up until she tells me she wants me back.

Did I miss something?

I have to work with her, this sunday. Standing right next to her for six hours.

I want to get this off my chest and out of my head

Don't tell her radio silence or anything stupid like that... Just tell her your busy... It's not rude as it tell her why you're not responding... After that she will wonder if you are really busy or just blowing her off a little.... Don't be impolite to her but actively ignore her.... And once in while when she contacts you tell her the cool stuff you've been doing...

If she wants to break up, then she's manipulating you as a sort of "hold over" (some women do this for emotional reasons, sex, money etc.) don't give into her game... Show disinterests (don't fully ignore)....she won't respect you if go by her game...

My advice don't waste your time...

also with all the women out there consider if she's worth it