TL; DR: First date. Was built up from heavy text flirting. We almost fuck in the park, but when I suggest to go to my place, she refuses. Freeze-outs ensue, and she approaches sexually, but still refuses to come to my place. I must have done something wrong. Please note that we are both adults.

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So, I meet up with this girl I have been flirting on text. Flirting had gotten pretty intense during the last few days: intense and explicit. I'd say sexting more than flirting at that point.

I had invited her for a walk in my city. The texting escalated so much that, at some point, she basically told me: "fuck having a walk, let's just get into your bed.". Many people will think I am crazy here (feedback please!), but I actually told her things like: "you are still going to have to win me over" and started teasing her on having a walk in which she had to behave. My reasoning behind that was twofold:

1. I wanted to do some teasing, push-pull, to get more attraction between us instead of just having sex immediately.
2. I wanted to convey that I am not interested in just sex with her.

So we met. I met her at a place close to her city, and took the train with her to my city. We chatted on the train and got some comfort going (though the train ride was waay too long). We got off at my city and started having a walk; I thought I was screwing up, but then, just merely 10 minutes in our walk, I took her and hugged her. Then I kissed her.

Things escalated really quickly from there. We made out. I pushed her away and told her that no-kissing was allowed. We walked two meters and I just pulled her inside a little warehouse that was there. Heavy makeout ensued. I touched her and she stopped me just before having an orgasm. We went out and I told her we'd need to wait as my boner was too evident through my trousers — we set next to a tree and we basically teased each other for the following two hours. Teased to almost orgasm kind of tease.

At some point she told me that yesterday was the first day of her period. Otherwise she would have fucked me in the warehouse. After another while, she told me she was really hungry, so I told her if she was up for ice cream. We went for that and then I told her if she wanted to visit my place.

She said: “Eventually, yes. Not tonight, though.”

Then the shit tests started, and I probably handled them really badly. She started to ask if I was disappointed. I told her that I respected that. I went full freeze-out, though. We went on walking, she said she wanted to find a tree and lie on the grass.

She asked me things like: “Did you invite me to your city because you hoped me to come to your place?”; I replied: “I didn't invite you because of that. But I certainly wanted that, and by our texts I had the impression that's what you wanted too”.

She pulled me and we made out. And she started making excuses, such as: “I want to come to your place, but I have a dog, and I don't know how can I come back from your place.”, I said: “There are trains.”, she said: “They probably don't run late though.” (notice that it was about 8 in the afternoon, so we reasonably had around 4 hours anyways if she wanted to catch the last), I said: “I can check.”. But she made me understand that she didn't want me to check.

We went under that tree, and this time was literally with people around (first time it was more discrete), but that didn't stop us from making out and touching each other in certain ways. When she would resist, I would freeze-out or push her, and she would reengage ALWAYS with a more forward teasing. At some points she showed me her breasts and started humping me, I threw her on the grass and made out heavily and told her: “Come home with me.”, she just said: “No.”

I brought her to her train. While I was bringing her there, she just whispered in my ear how much I turned her on. We made out and arranged for our next date in five days. She asked where did we want to meet. And I asked if she had any suggestion. She just said: “well, I have one”. I smiled and said: “I can certainly bring you places from there”.

So… what. The. Actual. Fuck?

Questions:

1. Is she just playing with me? I had the impression that she really wanted me, but was resisting.
2. Whatever the reasons are for her resistance, it's obvious that there is a mistake on my part. Not enough comfort, maybe?
3. During our texting, it looked like I had control, she had to win me over and even showed some insecurity. Now she kinda knows she has me. And that's a BAD feeling. I need to reframe that. How should I go about it?

The only things I came up with as explainations are:

1. She was on her first day of her period and just did rather not fuck. Which would be understandable, but she could just tell.
2. She wants something more serious and didn't want to give the "I fuck on the first date" vibe.

Any feedback appreciated.

Lesson learned: Next time a girl proposes getting into your bed, casually accept the offer. I too have been burnt by playing hard to get and then the thing spirals out of control where the girl nexts me.
If she is suggesting to meet up at your place for the next date (it's hard to tell from the above paragraph) I don't see what the problem is. You had initially deflected the idea of going to your place on the first date. There is no woman on the planet who after that rejection would then propose it a second time. She would have also felt weird accepting to go when you offered after you had initially shot the idea down.

Definitely.

Turns out that, this morning, she backed off. She sent me a long text, the most important parts are these:
The most important thing that I didn't mention is that she is a 40 years old mother of two, I am 27.

Obviously, I am ready to next her. Although I wouldn't want to do that without a last attempt. Also, I hate being dumped by text. So I wanted to meet her over a coffee or something, no expectations. And we could have a conversation.

I know that, in the Game, a lot of the mistakes men make with women are just trying to be rational with them; however, I also understand that this situation is different because she is indeed a mother with responsibility.


I would love to have some pointers on how I should approach this last attempt. Because I really don't have any other idea but just rationally. And I can envision it just getting me dumped over a coffee instead that over text as a result.

The situation isn't really different because women are women and if you can have them FEELING a certain way, they will generally go with that feeling.

When over text you had her FEELING like she wanted to fuck, she invited herself into your bed.

When you made out and said 'any ideas of where we should meet on our next date' she said 'i have one' because she was FEELING horny & she was in the moment.

A couple of days after the date, now she looks around and sees her everyday life, she is now FEELING rational because of her responsibilities and whatever else.
Visualize the successful outcome, exactly as you want it to be. There is no other way.

One way is to say something along the lines of 'yeah about that, i'm not having that, ur fun & we're going out again babe : D' Whatever it is do not try to rationalize anything. Have her feeling feelings.

I wouldn't make it a somber coffee date where you plea with her. Be fun. If she rejects, o well, u gave it a shot. Simply move on and meet more women!

So true.

Thank you for your pointers. I read them a bit "late" as it went like this: I was trying to call her, but she didn't pick up (I tried twice, 3hr distance). Then I sent her a message asking to see each other, and she said she couldn't because she would know how it would end up (in bed), and she apologised. I ultimately sent her a message which was I guess quite rational: I told her that I was not after sex, and that I was well aware of both her age and her children, and if I had decided to go for it, was because I was looking for something to invest in; not just fucking. And that I felt there was a lot of potential in our connection.

She didn't reply.


I am, as a matter of fact, seeing other women. I try not to get infected by oneitis. But, I tell you, this was really promising.