| Get the fuck off of pharmaceuticals. SSRI's will make you kill yourself. I have known 5 people who have killed themselves while taking SSRIs. I was prescribed an SSRI once in college as well, and it DESTROYED my social life and I had suicidal thoughts as well. You have no idea how evil this shit is, it gets in your head and makes suicide the most perfectly logical option. It literally changes who you are as a person and how you think.
Stop seeing the therapist that prescribed them, and taper the dose down until you are off of them, don't just quit abruptly.
Now listen to me. OCD, ADHD, all those other things, they are real disorders. I know. I feel your pain. I have severe ADHD (inattentive type) and my academic performance and irresponsibility absolutely murdered my self esteem. They had me on stimulants, which of course did nothing except cause me to crash in the afternoon, so they gave me SSRIs to counteract that, saying I was depressed and OCD (which were just side effects of the stimulant). I do have ADHD, but all the other stuff I do not have. You know what worked for me? Cognitive therapy. I worked with someone that basically forced me to schedule everything in my day, almost down to when I would take a piss and where. Then, I had to document it and analyze why I failed to either schedule properly or follow my schedule. And it worked. I went from being a D student since I was in kindergarden (not even kidding) to making straight A's in engineering classes. It is the same with dyslexia. Kids with dyslexia don't get better with meds. You know how they get better? They go to a school that doesn't teach math, history, or science. They go to a school where the kid literally sits in the class READING nonstop for his 8 hour day. I mean they practically replace recess with more reading at the successful dysliexia schools.
You have to do the same thing. Quit the meds. Meds are bullshit, they fuck you up and can KILL YOU. Get away from anyone that is telling you to take them. Yell in their face and tell them to fuck themselves if they chase after you trying to write you a prescription. What you need is THERAPY. And by therapy, I am not talking about sitting on a couch and talking. I mean practice, practice, practice at doing whatever it is that you feel handicapped at doing.
It is kind of like my dog. My dog has a messed up inner ear, probably because someone hit her in the head or something before I rescued her. She was falling all over the place dizzy when I first had her. There is no SPAM for it if the underlying cause is not obvious. SO you know what I do? I take her to a state park and make her climb rocks and walk on narrow and steep or uneven muddy paths with massive tree roots sprawling across the place. You know why? Because even though she has a disability, if I give her practice, she will overcome this disability by developing her other senses to cope with her disability. And it fucking works. You can't even tell there is anything wrong with her now, 7 weeks later. Yea, she fell a lot, and it probably hurt like hell for her and it may have even been dangerous, she could have torn something permanently. But ultimately, she can live a normal life now. You have to do the same. You have to climb over rocks and keep your balance without a functional inner ear, so to speak. Get off the meds, get therapy. Real therapy. The painful kind.
Get a thousand bucks together and buy an ergometer (an indoor rower) with a computer and heartrate monitor. Read up on proper form and some good workouts. Use that shit every day. This machine is brutal and it hurts like hell, but if you use it properly every day and lower your trash food intake you will have the body of a fucking god, I don't care what your genes are like. Do some pushups though because it doesn't work your chest at all. This is your replacement for SSRI's. If it doesn't make you feel happier, you aren't rowing hard enough. You should row until you feel like puking, and then row until you actually do puke. Then you will have a big fucking smile on your face and you will be high as a kite on endorphins. Hate yourself? Punish yourself on the rower. Hate someone else? Take your anger out on the rower. Hate your life? Try to row yourself to death.
Also, I have heard great things about a gluten-free diet for people on the autism spectrum. May be worth a try, but you can't half ass it. Even one slip up and it doesn't work. Gluten free isn't easy, don't expect it to be. You can still eat tasty food and pretty much every thing you ate before, it just takes a lot of work to read labels on everything you eat and make sure you aren't getting any gluten, and learning how to replace things in your diet (such as soy sauce, there is a gluten free replacement that actually tastes better, but going to a sushi bar is a bitch because they probably use regular soy sauce in all their sushi). I don't eat gluten free, I eat whatever the fuck I want because I can. But you should try it for a month, see if it works, and if you feel better then decide if you want to keep doing it.
Nothing about yourself will change unless you experience real pain and put in many hours in the process of changing it. This is the hard and unbreakable rule of life. Fixing your problems is never as easy as popping some pills. Sure, medication is helpful in many circumstances (though I STRONGLY dissagree with SSRIs) but a healthy lifestyle is far more helpful and can produce REAL BENEFITS. It just hurts getting there, but that is why it works. I have narcolepsy as well, and I no longer need my medication to simply wake up in the morning, I wake up naturally early in the morning because I am much healthier than before, and I am not even really that healthy.
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CHAT
