| I’m seeking an objective alpha assessment on a situation. I’ve packed it with a good amnt of background & info, but if anyone can bear with the length, I’d really appreciate some 3rd party insight.
My ex-girlfriend and I originally dated for 9 months (together at first & turned into distance after I graduated). I’m 23 she’s 21. In the months leading up to the breakup, we were pretty happy in love but I felt as though she was getting lazier in the relationship (didn’t cook or do nice things for me). I let her know that I wasn’t happy about that and I wasn’t going to tolerate it given what I do for her and she assured me it’d be fixed. Then the next time we’re together, nothing is fixed. I break it off, she is an emotional wreck begging me to reconsider & promising change but I’m not swayed (she had plenty of fair warning; if she cared she would’ve handled it).
For months after the breakup, she continuously contacts me saying she made mistakes/apologizing/begging for another chance. I just kept saying no, but I made the beta mistake of engaging in long text exchanges w/ her just repeatedly saying no instead of ignoring like I should’ve. After 3 months she begins seeing another guy (call him Mike); I didn’t know about it but I don’t blame her. We hadn’t talked in a month until she found out a friend of mine had passed so she called to gimme support. We had a long talk and she said she still wanted back together (I failed a MEGA **** test by lying & saying no when she asked if I’d hooked up w/ anyone); I said we can start talking again and see how things go. She agreed but never stopped seeing Mike and I found out a week later through mutual friends (this was the first I’d heard of him). I told her to end things w/ him if she had hope of us being together & she agreed (more angrily reactive than I should’ve been).
Soon we agreed to get back together and things seemed off: she was distant - hot & cold. Saying things like she was scared about us, didn’t wanna hurt me, and twice asking to give her a month break. I’d say I didn’t want someone who wasn’t sure they wanted me and that I’m not gonna wait around for her for a month, then her tune would instantly change to wanting me but soon go cold again. I strongly sensed that another guy was in the picture so I braced myself for that reality but never brought it up or acted insecure/jealous knowing the truth present itself. After a month of that, I told her I was going to her city one weekend and she asked if I could come another time b/c she worked… right then I knew I had to end it, but she beat me to it the next day. She was a wreck but I just let her go.
I still end up going to her city that weekend (all my buddies are still there). Thurs we hit the bars and her acquaintances (most of whom wanna bang me) see me (they let her know I'm in town). Friday she bombards me w/ texts & calls saying how she made the biggest mistake/wants to be with me etc. So I go to her place, we hook up a bunch and it’s all great.. she’s obsessed. And then she makes me swear we’re together cuz she fears me banging someone else that night. Sat we meet & it’s going fine then I see a text from Mike on her phone (confirmed my suspicion). I casually tell her I’m out, then come the waterworks, begging, and bs about how she’d only talked to him after we split days before. I knew better but played into it. Sun I go out w/ friends all day & ignore her. I get an angry night text about how I don’t care.. ignored it but figured she prob ran to Mike (later confirmed). Mon morning she’s bombarding me w/ “where are u, we need to talk ASAP.” She reiterates how upset she is but I weather the storm and we spend the day together.
Mon night she gives me the “I can’t do this anymore.” I’m indifferent and let her go (she said to her girl friend’s but clearly to Mike). So I expose our past month’s relationship to all her friends (she obv hid it from everyone so that she could keep seeing Mike), give them proof which they gave to him (they claim he wants to date her), and then I left town. They gave her shit for "playing" two of us. For the 2 weeks after leaving, she hounded me with calls/emails/texts profusely apologizing & begging me to talk (ignored them all). Since, she’s made more civil attempts to try to talk, and I’ve just told her I’m busy maybe later. Been hooking up with 2 girls since getting back.. she likely knows through my fbook wall (she never fails to text me within an hour of a girl posting something).
I’m objectively a good few notches above her on the SMV scale (have looks, family $, attend a top 10 law school - and she’s a 7.5) - I had 100% hand the first 9months. She knows I nailed a bunch of girls before we dated, many hotter than her. I feel as though my Beta backslides were too much communication at times (got away w/ it when I had total hand), some negative/butthurt moods before the 1st split, and obv letting her think that I only had eyes for her. She’s always been sold on a future w/ me, mostly b/c of what I can bring from a beta provider standpoint. Mike is real average in every way: seems like a chill guy but not great with chicks and her friends claim he has oneitis for her. The last weekend I was there, we prob banged wildly 15 times - surprised she even walk to go see him.
Where do I stand in her eyes, or contextually compared with him? Am I paranoid thinking that I’ve become a beta provider to her that she wants as a safety net? Was my beta backslide strong enough that it caused her to keep seeing him after we got back together? Torn a bit as to whether the attraction or rapport was the downfall. I’m positive she’ll try to hook me back if I agree to talk and it’d be weak to give her any attention after her disloyalty, so is there any way of recovering her respect? Reason I ask is b/c I’m headed back to her city for an internship in July & Aug: would like to hookup but refuse to do so unless I have hand.
I know this is long, but any insight would be much appreciated
|
CHAT