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hey guys,
attracting women hasn't really been my problem, what fucks my entire game is obsessively worrying about women banging other dudes, cheating on me, flirting with other guys, ditching me, etc.
if i see what could possibly be a red flag i get paranoid and act totally beta. every time. i never bring up the other dudes or that i even give a fuck, but my actions don't communicate indifference.
case in point: brought 3 condoms to a chick's house whom i've been banging, used all three over time and didn't have condoms to fuck last saturday morning after spending the night. while she's out of her room i look over to her nightstand and see like 6 condoms right in the open, a foot from her head, that weren't there the other day. i totally freak the fuck out and just leave, i send her a pic of the condoms saying these aren't mine. she says they're old and that she's pissed i would just leave and make that assumption. i look like a fucking loser with zero confidence who is dependent on this chick and possessive.
how do i handle that situation, mentally? how do i just not give a fuck even if she's fucking another guy? it's just an ego thing combined with trust issues, i want women to want only me and not need anybody else, i assume all women will cheat on me. how do i break through???
Good day my friend
I'm going to be a little in your face, but I assure you it is done with love and respect.
It seems to me like you have general insecurity issues, and they are manifesting in the form of jealousy and possessiveness.
In other words; jealousy and possessiveness are not the problem but the symptoms. The problem itself is much deeper.
Case in point:
"what fucks my entire game is obsessively worrying about women banging other dudes, cheating on me, flirting with other guys,
ditching me, etc.",
Why do these feelings arise in the first place?
"a red flag i get paranoid and
act totally beta.",
Are you alpha but act beta? Really? I suspect you are Beta and try to act alpha. Does an Alpha fear abandonment? Does an alpha worry about other guys?
"but my actions don't
communicate indifference.",
What are you out to prove and to who? Is it better to communicate indifference or to truly be indifferent?
"i
look like a fucking loser with zero confidence who is dependent on this chick and possessive.",
Why do you care what you look like? Who are you trying to impress? Also, do you just look that way, or are you truly insecure and have no confidence?
"i want women to want only me and not need anybody else,
i assume all women will cheat on me."
That doesnt sound like the language of an alpha to me. It sounds like the language of a child who doesnt get his toy from mommy.
Jealousy
Let's explore jealousy.
These feelings that you feel, what are they and what do they say about you?
First, any feeling of lack can be rooted to your own behaviour. In other words; you have a huge hole in your being that you are attempting to fill with women. It's the classic case for most people in the community, but ultimately it is the same as drugs. You are addicted to drugs, in the form of validation from women. The irony of it all is that women will indeed abandon you, but because of your behaviour. They can sense that you dont care about them, they are just a tool to fill your void so you don't have to deal with them.
Getting jealous is basically admitting that you dont love yourself.
Pure and simple. Do you feel like you deserve the best the world has to offer? Why or why not? Do you feel like a quality girl is lucky to be with you? Or do you feel lucky to be with a quality girl?
When you get jealous, you are letting her know that you are a fraud, that you are not the highest bracket of cool guys but are in fact ordinary. Who on earth wants to be with someone ordinary?
Be or don't be, do not act.
You wanna find a way to seem less jealous? Dont. Just quit and give the fuck up if youre here for ways to cover up your insecurity.
Still with me? Good. Wanna do something meaningful? Get to the bottom of it. Understand that you cannot control other people and they can always do whatever they want. Step 1 is acceptance. Next, find out whats causing this insecurity to arise. Why do you feel inadequate? What can you do to plug that hole?
Find your passions, direct your life, build your identity, discover your purpose. These are all things that women cannot give you and these are all the things missing in most men's lives today, which cause insecurity. Really take the time to discover yourself. Drop pickup, leave the community. Just fucking leave man. The way you write, I can see the evidence of the community's poison in you. Go and do something meaningful with your existence and find your peace, then, return and watch how women naturally gravitate towards you. Thats a promise.
She is not your mother!
You want women to be your mother. You want them to make you feel good for being a loser. You want them to say "it's okay baby! You can be an insecure, jealous fool! I'll never leave you and will love you unconditionally!"
Go find your mother. Your lover won't do those things for you. She wants a man. She wants a man who can hold her up when she needs it (How can you hold her up when you need to be held up?), She needs a man who can protect her from the world. She needs a man to be her refuge. She needs a man with passions and convictions, who will build a better future for her potential child. She wants a man who will not judge her, who will not doubt himself and who stands up for what he believes in.
You've got a lot of work to do my friend, but I'll be here every step of the way.
To your success!
Mack
i appreciate the detailed response mack, this is really good stuff. i agree that i can't control anybody else beyond myself, and that i have to improve my sense of being totally comfortable on my own and in my own skin.
but the one thing that doesn't work for me is the thought that a dude is either alpha or beta, 100 percent. i think it's entirely possible to be "mostly alpha" but have some issues that cause a man to exhibit beta behavior.
like in the pickup world i have women in the palm of my hand. i am considered very handsome, i'm very tall, good career, not a douche or asshole, good sense of humor, confident, know how to be a challenge, etc... i have no problem seducing women and getting them to fall for me. and i have a lot of hobbies and shit i enjoy doing that gives me satisfaction outside of women.
it's just i have trust issues and don't handle rejection well. it's an ego thing. but there are tons of dudes who don't have that issue, who are completely trusting and get over being rejected... and yet they're totally lacking in game or confidence, trapped in shit careers, petrified of women, self-loathing, etc.
there's just no way i should be lumped into that category of dude. it's not reality.
that being said, i strongly agree with you that i just need to "be" alpha and not over-think all of this shit. if a women leaves me i need to fully believe and trust that it's her loss, and that a better one is on the way. that's where breaking out of the cyclical negative thinking will benefit me.
Do you see what happened just now? Your ego took a bruising and it reacted violently.
"in the pickup world i have women in the palm of my hand. i am considered very handsome, i'm very tall, good career, not a douche or asshole, good sense of humor, confident, know how to be a challenge, etc... i have no problem seducing women and getting them to fall for me."
What are you trying to prove and to who? None of this is you. This is all your ego. I don't care if you're handsome. I don't care about any of the things you just listed. Who am I to merit your qualification?
Like I said, your ego took a bruising and even right now, it's ruminating in your mind saying "Who is this guy? He doesn't fucking know anything! I am this, I am that, he doesn't know shit! Tell him he's wrong. Prove to him he is wrong!"
You can either close in on yourself and shut out everything I am telling you, but you will learn nothing. It is an inner struggle that all men must face but ultimately, to truly grow, you must shed the layer of the ego and be truly open. There is no other way.
This used to (and still does) happen to me all the time. I would take criticism and react violently. I wouldn't accept it. Ultimately though, I had to learn to take it. To watch how I felt, to notice my chest tightening and remain aware of what is happening.
We are at a crossroads here. If your ego is so powerful and won't accept anything I say, stop reading right here. Just stop.
If you truly want to learn and grow, this part is for you my friend.
"but the one thing that doesn't work for me is the thought that a dude is either alpha or beta, 100 percent. i think it's entirely possible to be "mostly alpha" but have some issues that cause a man to exhibit beta behavior."
You are living in dualities again. You are either alpha, or beta, or both, or wtv. Wtf is an alpha anyway? Do you know what it is? I certainly don't. It's a made up term that doesn't apply to humans. Seriously, look that shit up. Theories of how there must be one beta, one tribal leader, then others that come up and say "wait, it's possible to have more than one alpha". Alpha is the first letter of the alphabet. In other words, alpha = 1. Can there be many 1s? No.
None of this means anything. Transcend the dualities of the community. It is the equivalent of a frog sitting in a well believing he is in the ocean. You'll never see the ocean as long as you are trapped in the well.
The 'beta' behaviours you are referring to are feminine behaviours, like jealousy, insecurity, over-analyzing, overly emotional etc. They are not bad behaviours in and of themselves, but become so when 'men' adopt them. You betray your own masculinity when you adopt those behaviours. You are not born with them, they are conditioned into you. So the battle is no longer about learning to seem more alpha than beta, but instead, to shed those behaviours and embrace your masculine core.
"it's just i have trust issues and don't handle rejection well. it's an ego thing. but there are tons of dudes who don't have that issue, who are completely trusting and get over being rejected... and yet they're totally lacking in game or confidence, trapped in shit careers, petrified of women, self-loathing, etc.
there's just no way i should be lumped into that category of dude. it's not reality."
What is rejection? Can you define it for me? Does anyone ever truly get rejected? I've rarely seen a real rejection in my entire life... Have you? (PS: You get brownie points if you understand what I mean by this)
That category of dude? What category? Who are said people? Once again, your ego speaks through you. Ego is division, separateness, 'me, I, mine' versus 'them, they'. It is division and ultimately an illusion. You prop yourself up on a baseless reality and it is the reason your crash every. single. time. "I can't be like this! This is not me! I'm better than this!" Who are you comparing yourself to? Why should you compare yourself to others? You don't know them. You don't even know this 'category of dudes' your mind made up. It's nonsense that keeps you entrapped int he world of dualities. Me - them. It's all baseless. Do yourself a favour and shed. Just shed the nonsense.
"in the pickup world i have women in the palm of my hand"
What is this pickup world of which you speak? Do you live in two realities? Are there two you's? Is there a 'pickup' you and a 'regular' you? If so, you will
never find the success you seek. And worse still,
you will never find peace.
"if a women leaves me i need to fully believe and trust that it's her loss,"
I never told you to do that. I mean, you could if you want, but that will only be a means to strengthen your ego. It will only be a way to build a larger division, a greater gap of 'I' versus 'them'. Women don't find that attractive by the way
Why do you think they keep talking about wanting to feel that spark, or those butterflies? That happens through connection, not through division and separateness.
You don't behave as a man should, because you don't feel like a man (a man does not get insecure, does not over-analyze and over-think, and does not get jealous). How can you make her feel like a woman? Furthermore, how can you fault her for wanting to go for what she wants? Everyone has the right to pursue their own happiness, and if you arn't being the man she needs you to be, why would you fault her for having the guts to actually find him? That's your ego talking. "That bitch... She doesn't deserve me".
"When you keep thinking about sense objects, attachment comes. Attachment breeds desire, the lust of possession that burns to anger. Anger clouds judgment. Lost is the power to learn from your mistakes and your life is utter waste." - Bhagavad Gita
If you understand and accept everything we just talked about, I mean TRULY understand, free of ego, just complete openness and truth, my next post will be about how to get yourself out of this.
Be well brother
Mack
CHAT
