Girlfriend:
Girl is a HB9.

Situation:
Her and I dated for about 24 months. dumped me on the phone while i was having one of the biggest crises of my life and simply would not speak to me.
we both went in our seperate ways. I currently leave abroad.

Problem:
through interent social media i recentley noticed she's in a new relationship, bugged me for like a day and a half and then i pretty much cared less and less since.
my unequipped psychological analysis tells me that she sent me a message which b/w the lines implies that she is in a state thinking: "right now in a superior state" and i guess shes still trying to sniff around and see if her forces still apply on me.

the message (after about 6 months of no contact whatsoever): My Efforts:
none. havent responded yet.
what would be the best reply if at all?

anyone?

Going by your subject title alone, why would you even entertain being with a narcissist?

It's difficult to say exactly her motivation (displaced guilt, loneliness/lack of connection in her current rel, etc.), but on some level it does look like she's wanting a response. If there's truth to what she's saying about suppressing her emotions, that stuff WILL seep to the surface at some point as it takes a lot of psychic energy to keep it down - akin to holding an inflatable ball under the pool with your arm...at some point you'll tire and the ball will will come smashing up through the surface.

Remember how unappreciated you had felt in the relationship, do not lose site of this as she is contacting you now out of some unmet need (her need), and you've got to ask yourself is engaging with her again (going back there) in the spirit of loving yourself (in a non-narcissistic but more self-preservation way), is it going to help you move forward at all. This person sounds like drama, and a token gesture such as this, if you want to frame it as such, isn't worth the bother.

I had my last ex do something similar. In my case however she called the police and made up a story I was harassing her, and in fact they issued me a no-contact order which completely blew my mind and rattled my nerves. She too is a narcissist, but in spite of her lack of appreciation for what I gave her during the relationship she was always looking out for herself, both of us were. In the end to say it was a toxic situation is an understatement. Be glad you're out of it, and feel bad for the poor soul who has no idea what's coming to him. Cycles repeat to people who aren't self-aware and go from relationship to relationship - their closets are always left in darkness in a state of disarray.

My advice? No response is the most prudent course of action.

Man, just forgive and forget.

Send her a message saying something like "Hey, it's alright. I picked things up, got through that massive crisis I was going through and moving on with my life. I'm off to X to follow my career and have a bit of an adventure. I appreciate you messaging me.

All the best,

Goodbye."

You'll feel a lot better in just saying that. It's mature, you'll recognise that and know you had one up on her in being calm and level headed and ending it on your terms; you're happy for yourself and happy for her but don't want to keep in touch. The better part of this is the fact that you can keep communication open if you need to somewhere down the line.

Move on, don't dwell on the past and you'll come out on top.

n2thevoid, thanks for ur response.
I belive that by the nature of your message, u can infer about the answer as to why a narcissistic nature still doesnt off-put affection completely.
Im still not really sure what to do, i dont have any worries about her doing anything unexpected.
wouldnt not answering imply im still mad?


GamesSN, thank you.
I tought about writting something of that manner, but honestly ive tried the understanding nice guy the previous time we spoke, which only made her not give a fuck for another 6 months, i guess she is one of those girls that interpet understanding SPAM and passive actions as a masculin weakness.

Hard to say if she's a narcissist from what little you've provided.

But to answer your question regarding somebody who off-puts affection (not completely) likely suggests she has an ambivalent attachment style. Ambivalents want to connect but fear being vulnerable in fact when somebody else tries to get too close too quick they'll lurch back in disgust and often pull away. I'm not sure if I answered a question you were even asking.

The whole point of my post was to move on. Not use it as a tool so she would come back to you. The only reason she would see it as weak is because she knows you're not sincere. Try actually moving on and not giving a fuck yourself.

n2thevoid, so ur saying any type of answer would make her freak out?

on one hand, it took a while till i got my shit together after they way she treated me, but its pretty safe to say that now i care about her a hell of a lot less.

On the other hand, karma says shes a bitch and the way she acted at multiple ocasions serves her not to get the understanding caring guy response im used to give. pluse, by writting to me: U dont have to respond, might actually creat the exact frame shes trying to obtain: "I have a new boyfriend + i mannaged to patch shit up with my ex"

Damn im confusd

Your health should be priority number 1, than getting into another toxic relationship with the same person. The smart thing to do would be to cut all ties with her, block her number, email etc and move on. You're still attached to her, and you need to realize your attachment is actively finding ways to bring you back to her. She's not doing this per se, this is something your mind is doing so recognize it and do the opposite behaviour - may be a good idea to get into some form of meditation too so you can stave off those moments where it gets strong. Goal planning may also be an effective tool to help you stay on track and get some sort of balance back in your life.

Here's the thing: The more you focus on her, what she's doing (or not doing), ANY thought that focuses on her, the more your attachment will try to draw you back in. You'll also feel more negative too as a result. Journaling is a good idea, write down how you feel after you think of her and compare that to when you're more focused on just doing you.

100%

_________________
If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

Guys I can't stress enough how important it is to be discerning when finding a woman. When you see red flags early on take heed of them. The longer you rationalize away her freakish behaviours the more normative they'll become. It's a slippery slope and before long you'll be looking back wondering as to how you got to this terrible place in your life - I speak from experience; friends, family, nobody but ME could help myself by that time and it was an arduous uphill battle, one I'm still recovering from.

Do yourself a favour, if she's a narcissist, has any sort of a serious personality disorder (e.g., borderline, bipolar, etc) remember she is not your responsibility, you CANNOT fix her, and that in most situations such as this it is best to move on, put that energy back into yourself and into finding somebody healthy who can enrich your life not take and drain you, leaving you feeling high and dry. Remember, it's YOUR responsibility, not hers, for staying.

void said it right. If you get anymore than one red flag ditch the chick no matter how juicy her pussy is.

On that topic I think your mates are the best judgement when it comes to girlfriend material. They're less inclined to be bias. A good mate will be happy for you and want to see you with a chick who will be cool with you going out with your friends, be level headed and a sound chick altogether.