| Okay, so to start off, i think that i had a pretty good confidence level for about a year ago. i got a girlfriend back then, went all afc. got out of it 4 month ago, i was a mess, tried to build it back up, but then when it seemed that i had good pretty moderate confidence again, then my progress stopped, which must have been around a month ago. ever since then my confidence have been variating A LOT. I remember the feeling of walking down the street with music in my ear, thinking I AM THE SHIT. But that feeling is completely gone SPAM. Some rare occasions i still feel able to accomplish a lot, thats when i am the most motivated. Like when a girl i have some sort of crush on is writing flirtatiously back, or when i talk to somebody about the future where i will be traveling.
But whenever i am just by myself, or even with friends, it just feel blocked, like i am not capable of the things i used to be able to do. Like when I am at home and think of how it would be like, to be at the club and approaching a girl, I just can see myself making her attracted to me, and i used to believe that most girls would easily fall for me.
I sometimes when talking to girls, forget about the feeling of weakness, and I get the feeling that my bodylanguage is still showing that i am loving life, happy, etc. But I also believe, that at the same time, the girls can feel, that i am depending on their interest in me. And i think that it makes them feel like i am trying to take value for them, rather than giving it.
The only limiting belief that i have, is that i am very young looking. Now this has recently started to matter to me again. back when i was young, i would never consider going to the us. because the people i have seen from the us, is always looking so old for their age. But then for around 2 months ago maybe 3, i started wanting to take a trip all by myself to miami, i figured i would be 20 at the time, and be able to pull some hot babes, i would like to go by myself so i was forced to meet people. However recently i have felt like i would make a fool of my self, like the whole nation would laugh in my face, because i look so young compared to every guy over there, and that i would never pull a girl, and if i tried then they would laugh at me for thinking so highly of my self.
This might have something to do with something that happened some weeks ago. I was at a club, and i wanting to gain social momentum. So i open a girl, not really good looking, so i thought highly of myself compared to her. She starts asking my age, and i try to remain confident. She tells me i look 16 year old, and i am 19 soon to be 20. I laughed it off, and surprisingly i could tell that she thought i was confident all though she hitted my weak spot.
i actually kissed closed her, even though she was 21. But afterwards i just felt like my ego had taken damage. And i guess ever since, i have not been going out as much. i felt like after that set, then everybody in the club looked at me like "what is that kid doing in here"..
now i dont feel like going out, and i want to get a girlfriend just so i can have some validation back...
hope you guys can get through it all, i could really use some advice ...
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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it
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