So..i was talking on the phone with my girlfriend and i asked her to give the phone to her male cousin. I let him borrow this book called Make Every Girl Want You by John Fate and Steve Reil..really good book by the way. Anyway me and her were talking on the phone and i asked her to give the phone to her cousin so i could see if he had read any of it and she said no because she was in the other room and he was "doing something"

Me: Quit being lazy..give him the phone
Her: No.You can talk to him next time you see him

This made me mad...i said

Me: Ok bye

and i hang up the phone

I sent her a text 5 minutes later saying:

Text to girlfriend (2:24pm): I can just message him on facebook...haha lol

i was trying to be playful..but at the same time that might have been the wrong move..

she disrespected me and i let her get away with it. later on in the day i get texts from her


Text from girlfriend (6:29pm) : What are you doing ?

i didn't respond..i didn't even realize i had messages..i had been busy with friends in a meeting anyway

Text from girlfriend (7:02pm): can't wait to get my car back tomorrow

i texted her back a couple hours later once i had free time to look at my phone and reply

My reply (8:47pm): Yea i was in a meeting when you texted me(which was true). Yea i'm glad you are getting your car back babe. What are you doing ?

Text from girlfriend (8:48pm): i'm on my break at work
My reply (8:57pm): Oh for some reason i thought you were already off

Text from girlfriend (9:12pm): No i get off at 12
My reply: (10:21pm): Oh alright baby

notice I texted her back over an hour after she told me when she gets off. I later on thought i should text a response to her telling me when she got off so she wouldn't think i was ignoring her. I try not to play games in our relationship..like waiting a long time to text her back or ignoring her on purpose but at the same time i have to remember that sometimes it's the things that we think are the wrong things that are actually the right things to keep attraction. For example "negging" hot chicks. Anyway..that's not the issue..i wasn't trying to ignore her. Sometimes i don't text her back when i don't think it's necessary so i can save text messages..they are limited. and i didn't really think it was necessary to respond to her telling me when she gets off of work at first...but i'm trying to communicate with her more..in hopes that she will do the same with me. When i'm genuinely busy though..it's a good thing though because i can have a reason for not texting her back right away and that's a DHV whether you are in a committed relationship or not.


So i texted her right before i made this post. Even though we had texted each other after she disrespected me..i chose to bring it up anyway..because it did bother me..and i wanted her to know that.

Text to girlfriend (11:08pm): I'm upset with you because i asked you to do something very simple and you chose to act like a brat about it



I don't know what she is going to say back. She is at work right now and i'm waiting for her to text back. We are supposed to go get her car from the repair shop tomorrow. I wrecked her car about 8 months ago..i was unemployed for a while and she has to pay about $1300 to get it fixed. My mom agreed to give us $300 to help. I don't have money to help get it fixed right now. Anyway..we are supposed to go get it from the shop tomorrow...i don't think i should go get her car until she apologizes and acknowledges that she disrespected me. What do you guys think ?

*UPDATE*


so i texted her at 11:08pm: I'm upset with you because i asked you to do something very simple and you chose to act like a brat about it.

she got off work at midnight..she texted me at 12:02am

Text from her (12:02am): I love you...goodnight

This wasn't good enough for me..we were going to have to address the issue.she tried to slide past the issue.i texted her

My response (12:06am): I'm not going to get your car until you apologize for being disrespectful...

Text from her (12:07am): really...that's mean
Text from her (12:07am): why are you being like that

a few minutes later at 12:11am she sent me a series of texts saying that she didn't take the phone to her cousin because she was trying to get an hour of sleep before she had to go to work later and she hadn't had much sleep because she had to work early 3 days in a row and she had a cold.

Text from her (12:12am): If you don't want to go and get my car i will go there by myself it's not really a big deal

My response (12:14am): What i wanted to talk to him about would have taken 30 seconds

Text from her (12:16am): Why are we arguing about this ? i really don't want to argue with you..i just got off work and i'm really tired..if you want to talk to Henry(her cousin) that bad then hit him up on facebook he will give you his number...have a goodnight

i didn't reply..she was making excuses. It's not that i didn't care about her having enough rest or that she had a cold. It was all about the way she treated me on the phone earlier. She didn't take the time to explain that she was tired or that she had a cold..she simply said "No...you can talk to him next time you see him." I felt she was testing me when she did that..trying to dominate me..then she just wanted to use being tired and having a cold as an excuse after i called her on her attitude. But maybe i'm being too harsh..i'm sure being tired and having a cold had something to do with it...but still she was trying to push me around and i wasn't gonna have that. She could have explained why she didn't want to take him the phone in the first place..but people don't always communicate perfectly in relationships..

so i didn't respond after her last text at 12:16am where she tried to force her own frame by saying goodnight without owning up to what she did and admitting that she might have been a little bit rude earlier in the day. So i didn't respond.she calls 5 minutes later

Her: Why do you have an attitude with me ?
Me: Why do you have an attitude with ME ?

i explained that i asked her to do something very simple and she chose not to.

i don't really remember what she said after that. but we talked it out..eventually she apologized. But she said something really key. She told me that she felt like i was forcing her to do something when i told her that i wasn't going to get her car unless she apologized.

Her: If you would have told me that i hurt your feelings i would have understood...

she said that it was like i was treating her like a little girl by putting pressure on her to apologize to me. So i told her i was sorry for that..

i guess i always feel that i have to hide my true emotions in order to be a man or to be alpha..and when she hurts me that i can't tell her and that i have to hide it. Now i know that that is not always the case..all i had to do was speak emotionally instead of logically like us guys tend to do. I just had to communicate my emotions..that she hurt me and made me feel like she was trying to push me around. She is a really awesome girlfriend..

Your girlfriend is a really nice person and she is really gentle with your feelings.
After the third text message I would have told you that you act immature and freeze you out.
And if you would have continued you would have got a break up.
And about the car? I would have called the police on you and got it back.
You are clearly by behaving like a child.

An adult would have behaved like this:
He would have gone on facebook, take Henry's phone, talk to him... and when she would have asked about something he would also have said no and mirror her behaviour. That would open communication and you could calmly tell her WHY she should have passed it to you, how it made you feel and she would have showed you understanding.

That's the way to handle it. Alright?

You are making a big deal about nothing.

Condition her with compliance tests and don't force it like you did.

You: Pass the phone to your cousin. [Compliance Test #1]
Her: No. I need to get some sleep.
You: Sleep early now babe. Get some rest. [Compliance Test #2]
Her: Thanks babe.

Following Day

You: What time do you get off from work?
Her: 12:00
You: Can you pick up some [stuff here] at 7-11 for me? [Compliance Test #3]
Her: Sure. I'll drop those at your house tonight.

You will never get 100% compliance because there will be instances where she cannot comply. 80% compliance is good. Lighten up dude. You are the one who is disrespecting her by acting like a pussy that gets hurt easily over nothing.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

I don't know how she told you no, but if you thought it was rude you shouldv'e called her out there, calmly.

How you handled it was crossing the line from dominant to manipulative, controlling and abusive.

to be honest..none of your replies made any sense.

Da..you have access to the internet...you can look up the word "dominate"

Maria...after what 3rd text message ? you seem to be confused about the whole situation. And it seems like you are a woman..so i guess i shouldn't be surprised that you would give an over the top emotional response about the whole situation. call the police ? What would she say ? "My car is at a repair shop and my boyfriend won't go get it for me!" ? and this is really funny and strange at the same time..because my girlfriend's name is Maria..haha

Hellhound...she didn't tell me that she needed sleep. She just said "No...you can talk to him next time you see him" It was later on after i called her on her rudeness that she told me she needed sleep and that she had a cold and that was supposed to be the reason she wouldn't walk 30 feet to give her cousin the phone.Compliance isn't really the issue...i guess i see where you were going with what you were saying. The way you set up the scenario isn't the way it went. She didn't give an explanation..she just said "No. You can talk to him next time you see him." and i don't see him very often. and by the way...are you in a committed relationship Hellhound ?

neo87...ok so tell me..what is the difference between dominant..and being manipulative, controlling, and abusive ?

You want her to comply and you say it isn't the issue?

The issue is that you have a very fragile ego because you're unemployed and she's working. She gave you bigger compliance such as paying up for her car that you wrecked. You're butt hurt because she didn't pass on the phone to her cousin, gave a valid reason for it, and apologized (another compliance) because you insisted upon it and you're here still butt hurt over nothing.

Many guys on here who ask for help have it worse. The girl loves you and you're going down the road of being a pussy. She's going to resent you if you don't shape up down the line. Bitterness has a very potent way of killing relationships and attraction.

I am in multiple long term sexual relationships plus an occasional fling here and there. What's your point?

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

There are lots of women called Maria. It is one of the most popular names in the world.
Now, grow up and realise that you were being a dickhead.

There are lots of women called Maria. It is one of the most popular names in the world.
Now, grow up and realise that you were being a dickhead.[/quote]

no..i'm not being a dickhead..thanks for your input though..

Is she bi? I'd recommend bringing another girl the relationship you can both dominate

You're overanalyzing stuff. Stop

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Jesus, such reactivity! I only read some of your post, but wow, so much reaction over nothing. It is always best to just NO REACT to her shit at all. THAT is how you keep the power. YOU DO NOT REACT. STAY CALM. If you can keep calm in the toughest situations with her, she will realize nothing can shake you, and in turn trust you so much more, want to be around you so much more.

You are the rock. She is the emotional crab around the rock. You stick to the ground, she flails on your outskirts. That is how it will always be. If you can't handle a girl's emotions, then you need to improve yourself in that area. Stop fucking reacting. Be the calm in the storm.

Have you considered that she might be in a bad mood with you because you wrecked her car and couldn't afford to pay for it? That might explain her being abrupt or snappy with you.

I think you should go and get her car because you wrecked the fucking thing.

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If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

OP, no matter what the girl says to you, if she kicks and screams, remain unmoved. If need be put her in her place, firmly tell her it's not cool…At all. End it there. There is no benefit in explaining your emotions, why you feel that way, and going on about it. Giving an ultimatum is ALWAYS a bad idea. Especially in a relationship. If anything it makes you look weaker.

Tr@veler and Game..i appreciate your responses. Since the time when i made this post i have read David Deida's The Way of the Superior Man and he talks about not being reactive to women being bratty. I appreciate you two giving good advice and not having to insult me. Me and the woman i posted about we are still together.. We have been married now for over a year..