Hello.
I want to describe a situation with this new guy and maybe get some advice.

So, we've met in science camp. He showed me some attention there (I'm very bad in understanding it, but even my friend noticed and told me later). For example, he came to me and said that I dance nice. I don't know why, but I replied that everybody danced nice and he agreed. ( I guess it was wrong, because I should have accepted the compliment and smiled back).
After about 1 month, when I read more material about pick up - I wrote him, asking if he is going to participate in one event, because I want to (I knew that he participates there sometimes, because he told me previously).
We agreed to meet there, but then he stared writing me more in fb and sometimes even saying "Answer to me quickly". He proposed to meet earlier and wrote to me a lot. So, we met. He was absolutely out of normal guy role. He called himself mad and acted as one. For example - we ate flower seeds and he put his head on my knees when we were sitting on the bench. Oh, and he bought me some fruits in the shop at first (even if I asked to pay, he refused). Now - I'm very bad in "playing", I'm honest, I tell the truth and I'm not actually flirty. I was also nervous with him most of the time. I believe he could have felt it. But I liked him, because I am a bit crazy myself.
Now, the time was going - we were walking a lot and talking talking. We also did some funny stuff (I won't go into detail here).
Now what disturbs me - 1. When I was talking about my personal life and my misfortune, he told once "And I thought that you were smart" as if I'm not. I didn't react to it. Should I?
2. He later said that I'm too much in a hurry and I reminded him that he was the one in a hurry when we were writing to each other at first and asking me to reply faster. He then said that he was just joking, he actually didn't care about me answering fast. This was the point, where I got upset, because I thought previously as if he actually was very interested in me. And here he tells that he wasn't. I got sad, I said nothing at that time, he kept talking something and after 5 min I've said that I'm going home, because I feel sad. He suddenly said that he also needs to meet a friend and that he also must go home. But then we kept walking, I felt better, we started talking again and as he still followed me - I invited to take my dog out if he wanted. He said he wanted and forgot his "friend meet".
Ok, so we spend some more time. We went to eat and this time he didn't say he would like to pay for me in a cafeteria. Even though some time ago he gave quite a lot of money to a homeless drunk person, which he said was his friend (wasn't it just a pick up, because he knew I care about those people?). So, but he didn't say he would like to pay for me there. Then we went back to my home and we talked late into night about whatever crazy stuff until midnight. Until neighbor came through the window and asked us to shut up because he couldn't sleep. So, this guy then asked to go to a toilet. I agreed. And when he was inside, he asked if I would give some tea for a guest. After that he also asked for some music and to dance. Ok, this was fun- I got good music, which we both enjoyed and we started dancing and hugging a lot. For about 2.5 hours. Then I was dead tired and asked to get into bed. We hugged each other there also. I liked it a lot! And he tried to kiss me and touch me more, but I refused and said that we should just go sleep. He said what am I going to do if he continuous to kiss me and I've said I'd push him out of the bed. He was then ok and we simply slept. In the morning I woke up first and it was totally awkward to have someone I don't know in the bed. When he woke up, he said few more things, which I didn't like.
1. That I'm like an old woman, because I over think every detail in my life.
2. That I'm too skinny and I need to eat more (before in the evening he said many compliments, how pretty I am and so on).
3. He said few times that we aren't going to meet again. Then he said, that I could be his gf (absolutely contrary statements).
Then he said he had plans for that day, but he just stayed in bed. I wanted to hug more and well, I think he tried to have sex, but at the moment, someone called to me and he had to leave the place immediately. He then said that he has to go to do his business (which I think again he just pretended).

Then he didn't write to me for 2 days. And there was this event where we had to meet at first. I didn't go there even if I asked him there first. He wrote me " Why weren't you there today?". And said I had other plans. Then he invited me to go to a trip next day. I couldn't, because I have serious things to do. But then I asked if he has plans in the end of the week and so he said he is going to another event. And so I replied, that maybe I'd like to go there too.

What do I do????
Was it very bad to stay with him for 20 hours on the first date? And to hug for 3 hours? Was he showing no respect or trying to manipulate? I don't want anything serious with him, but what do I do next? I enjoyed the time so so much. And I'd like to meet again, but wouldn't I show disrespect to myself? (He also knows that i have a bf and am in an open relationship, because I am so bad in hiding some details). I always tell the whole truth. He accepts me having bf and never mind it. How do I understand him???

P.S. He also said that he didn't sleep with a girl for 1 year almost. And when I asked why - he said that there weren't such a girl, whom he'd think is nice enough (someone as me). But I don't believe it. Every guy wants to sleep at least with someone, yes? I tried to make him say the truth and so I inquired how is it possible he didn't want to have sex with someone for so long. I even told I had it myself 2 weeks before. But he still said he didn't do it for 1 year and I felt he wasn't comfortable, so I said that you can always have sex with yourself also. He replied, that he hopes I'm not asking when he had sex with himself.

P.S.2. I feel like I'm in love with him.

Thank you.

Hi Hermiona,

The guy is very interested. Dude even appears to be using some game on you - and it's working.

If you want this to work you don't have to do much besides look pretty and be interested back. Read his contrasting statements and opinions as flirty and playful. Stop worrying so much and just have fun (if that's what you want).

He is into you. Don't doubt it. He wouldn't be even talking to you if he wasn't interested.

This is a great (and almost scary/funny) example of how women think when they're being manipulated by pickup techniques. It seriously does sound like you're nuts for this guy and he doesn't even sound that wonderful at the game - if that's even what he's doing (he might be driving you nuts by dumb luck).

Oh my God, thank you so so so so much, Charles!!!!

I want to spend as much time with him as possible (he said he is leaving the country in 1 month). But I don't want to be needy or to show how much I like him. I loved his company, he is so so interesting to me. I just don't want him to want to fuck me and leave. I want his company, not just have sex.
Ok, so I can go to that another event and continue hugging him!!!! Yeah What good news Thank you!!!!

^^ Well, he likely does want to fuck you. Don't kid yourself. Whether he's also emotionally invested in you is something you'll need to gauge as you continue.

1. Well, depending on how confident he is, he probably said that because he thought it was clear he was into you. You telling him your life story and your problems is a universal sign for guys that are just meeting and walking with a girl(Not actually making out with or anything else) that she's friend zoning him. Don't do that until you're in a relationship. However, depending on the problems you might have just done something stupid that prompted the "I thought that you were smart" comment. As in something along the lines of you jumped from a cliff and almost died... You know, obvious shit you get yourself into.

If it wasn't that and he's the confident type -- which I guess he would be if he had the balls to approach you in the first place -- then he was calling you out on placing him in the friend zone by talking about your problems without having kissed the guy.

2. Do you really need an answer for this? :/ You called him out on liking you a lot. He backed off to tease you and guard himself a bit. The dude broke off his arrangement with a friend to spend more time with you. He likes you!

3. You didn't fuck him. He was teasing! Haha.

Too skinny?! That's a freakin' compliment from a guys perspective! Women are never happy! Sweet jesus, woman!!

Alright, having read all this(Read above as if I answered as I read -- That's what I did up to this point) I can say the dude is suave. He's confident and knows a bit about being a player but he isn't one. If he was he would have remained his cool throughout and stuck to his "plans" to keep you guessing and see him as busy and important. He just threw up those "plans" as a way to come across as more interesting and having a lot going on so when you blew him off he could come across as "having other, more interesting stuff to do."

He wasn't disrespectful, you were the one giving mixed signals. You invited a guy INTO YOUR ROOM. What the hell do you think that means universally?! It means "Sex is for dinner, baby!" Then you took it away from him!! The guy tried it on because he was supposed to! Men are supposed to try it on at least two or three times just so they know women definitely do not want to have sex at that particular moment especially given the fact you were in your room telling him you wanted to sleep in the same bed with him. You also told him you were in an open relationship. This hurts my brain... Do women genuinely have this fucked up thought process? I have a lot to learn if this is the case...

He likes you, you turned him down a couple of times and put him down and put him off over simple things based on your emotions; those emotions being you wanted everything from him. You wanted him to state there and then how he felt about you but he didn't which frustrated you and got you annoyed so you reacted badly and didn't control your feelings.

Going on a date with him again won't be disrespectful to yourself. That's just stupid. If anything you enjoyed his company, really like the guy and he respected you in pretty much everything he did. The only thing he's guilty of is wanting to have sex with you which isn't a crime. He tried it on and you said no. He backed off and hugged you for the entire night.... In what universe is this disrespectful to you? He basically gave you what you asked for.

Here's what you do: You go on the date with him apologise for the other night and explain why you weren't so keen to have sex with him. Tell him you need more comfort and to get to know him more before you sleep with him but don't drag this past the third date. You gotta put out on the third date to give him some incentive to hang around and not feel like a tool especially given the fact you're in an open relationship and fucking other guys(You actually told him you fucked someone two weeks ago yet turned him down?! No wonder he was uncomfortable! You basically kicked him in the balls repeatedly with that. Think what's going on in his head: "Why would she sleep with someone else but have a big problem with me? Does she even like me? She just wants me for attention." You need to straight up tell him how you feel about it and hope for the best. If he waits around for the third date you have to give him something... Haha, you even suggested he wank himself off if he wanted sex. What is wrong with you?! Hahahaha... I would hate to be that guy.

Nothing!!! It's just perfect!!! I'm just scared, because it sounds too good to be true. I think he is so confident and cool and everything and here he likes me that much? I should have told it. But I am so so bad in deciding what signs to show and how to interpret him and when to say what. I always do something and then I wonder - why did I act so cold or distant? But that's my problem. That's why I always had problems with guys - I keep them distant without even understanding it myself.
But... Problem - I would like to sleep with him and I want to kiss him. I really like him a lot. I even wanted to say that I love him, but I thought it would be too much and he would know how much I like him and would stop being interested in me. I don't sleep with other guys!!!!!!! I slept with my bf 2 weeks ago and I am with him for 2.5 years. The guy understood it.
I don't know what's wrong with me! I don't know what to say and when to say. I think I have serious problems in behaving with people.

But what do I do? If he leaves the country in 1 month and I have sex with him - I will loose my bf. It's not actually an open relationship. My current bf says if I sleep with someone then it's over. But he said that I can kiss someone.
What if I kiss this guy million times?? Would it be ok instead of sex? I've never slept with anyone with whom I wouldn't be in relationship.... And I don't want it if it's just for 1 month. If I knew he stayed longer - then it's another situation, but he said he won't.
I hope I didn't mess up too much yet. I don't want to push him away, but then I'm afraid that he will push me away... I want to kiss him!!!

First of all you've got to take chances. He likes you? Like him back. The key is showing an appropriate amount of interest which is usually a mixture of your own interest in him and how interested he is in you. So if he likes you, spends all his time with you, etc., take it for granted he's interested in you so show the same amount of interest back.

Sometimes it's good to be distant but to be honest from all I read you really screwed that guy over... You shouldn't have told him you were in an open relationship(That means you can do whatever you want with whoever you want). You shouldn't have told him you had sex two weeks ago after he told you it's been a year for him. You sure as hell shouldn't have told him you had sex two weeks ago after you turned him down for sex when you invited him to your bed. You don't need to go all in, you can keep a guy guessing to an extent but don't insult the guy for crying out loud.

You're right, telling the guy you love him would be too much after the first date which leads me to...

You're not in a lasting relationship. The only way for an open relationship to work is if you genuinely love the other person you're with but you both want to be free and sleep with others, even sleeping with others together. If you can feel you love someone else after the first date then i've got news for you: You don't love your current boyfriend. That whole situation of being but not being in an open relationship is a big mess. You can kiss whoever you want but you can't sleep with them? That's like saying to Adam and Eve to enjoy paradise and not eat that juicy red apple and we all know how that ended. I would ponder just how this came about... You cheated on him by kissing another once before? He's insecure and suggested it because he thought you would kiss people anyway? You suggested it and he went along with it? Either way I could only see a person being severely insecure if they allowed kissing but no sex. Does he let you do other things?

The answer here is you're not in a relationship that's worth much if you can have such strong feelings for another guy after a first date. You're left with a choice here: Break up with your boyfriend or continue the sham of a relationship you have with him. You could have both... Sleep with the guy that's leaving in a month and not tell your boyfriend about it. He's not going to find out is he? That guy is leaving in a month anyway so I sincerely doubt he's going to be sadistic enough as to fuck you over when he leaves and tell your "open relationship" boyfriend he slept with you. I would honestly suggest breaking it off with your current boyfriend as I can not see it being a relationship worth while if this is the way it is and if you're feeling this way about a guy so soon.

Also, you made a post introducing yourself( post851694.html#p851694 )... In it you said your boyfriend wanted to sleep with another girl? Yet now you're saying he won't let you sleep with another guy? How is that okay?

Also, you would genuinely be surprised how many guys actually find less attractive women more alluring. More times than not i've actually been attracted to 6's. Cute faces, alright bodies, could do with losing some weight but their personalities shine through. For instance i've recently come across a 6 I find very interesting and get along with well. I would place her above most other women purely due to the fact that we "click." This is coming from a guy who has dated women who were pretty much models(Not actual models but two or three of my ex's were sought out to be models), some so beautiful as to even have my friends scratch their heads and ask how to get women like that. Strauss said it right when he talked about beauty.

Anyway, in my opinion you fucked up big and if you push him away again he's going to walk away from this. But hey, he might stick it through because he's only here for a month. If this were a normal situation I would have given you one more shot and if you started teasing me like that again I would have walked away.

I'm not teasing I just don't understand if he likes me or just wants to have sex and then tell everyone he did it I really don't.
I know But I thought maybe he was lying to me I wanted to hear truth and he seems too cool to have sex so rarely.
No, I have never cheated in my life with my two boyfriends that I had.
I can not. I always tell everything. I can not lie. He would understand from my expressions that something has happened and if he asked -I would tell the truth at once. That's just me. I can not hide such things even if he won't know it. It's too difficult for me to keep secrets.
Yes, it was our deal. I didn't think I would be as jealous as he would be if I slept with someone.
It's yes and no at the same. I love him as my friend, I don't want to hurt him or to make him unhappy. It's just that I don't enjoy time with bf as much as I did with this guy. I don't feel that much attraction... But I don't want to mess this situation with new guy, because what a fuck?? I loose my pleasure to be with someone I like that much, so that I would make someone else happier?? It's like I haven't felt so much interested in a long long time when talking to someone. I want to live and to love and to enjoy everything what life brings. But I don't want to hurt anyone...

This shit boggles my mind. I don't get why women are so hung up on sex like that. Who cares if he wants to fuck you? I get it... you don't want to be used then ditched. That's cool and all but are you going to live your life in the shadows because of this? Sleep with him because you want to not because you think he wants to. Once you embrace that concept you'll stop caring so much if a guy ditches you: You got something out of it too. Also, didn't you say when you opened this thread you didn't want anything serious with this guy? I get that you have a boyfriend but trust me, everything you say about that relationship is basically you just being in it because you don't want to upset him. Live for yourself once in a while and make up your mind!

Has he slept with someone else?

Anyway, that's seriously one sided and seriously stupid. Why would you agree to that in the first place? Fucking hell, love! I'm really disappointed.
Then he's your friend and not your boyfriend. You're in that relationship to placate him and not yourself. Don't be a walkover. Trust me, it doesn't end well. Your boyfriend is just going to end up ditching you and the only one hurt here will be you and you'll be left with questions, wanting closure and all alone. Your boyfriend sounds like a dick if he's taking this much advantage of the situation.

Honestly, you need to grow up and live for yourself instead of being a doormat. Don't take that too far and change yourself to the point where you walk over whoever and whenever the fuck you. You have some good qualities and it would be a shame to see them stamped on when your boyfriend inevitable dumps you for some other chick.

Also, some guys genuinely do not sleep around. They could be cool, amazing and really be the best guys on earth but not have sex all that often. It happens. I was like that myself where I needed more interest and comfort with a woman to sleep with them. Some people are genuinely that type. Not all men sleep around like the media portrays. Did you know that your average male will sleep with seven women in his life? It's true.

No. He always says he wants and he will, but he didn't yet. I don't know if he is just teasing me or haven't found the girl he likes yet.
He is not!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can promise!!!! He is a good person. I can trust his words as much as he trust mine. And my family says he is the best there can be. But what do I do if I don't feel in love?.. On the other hand - it's safer like that. I get less emotionally, but I risk less to be hurt.

Ok, I will see where it can go with this new guy. But still - 1 month - that's too fast for me. I would be hurt after he leaves. When I meet him - I will hug him a lot and kiss him on the cheek I hope it would be ok? At least for me -that's a lot.

your on a forum where every single individual understands one common theme, "someone always gets hurt" what everyone here also has in common is the fact they didn't act on what they wanted for fear of loosing or hurting someone and what happened they lost the person anyways, and all they were left with is regret "coulda woulda should." no one is telling you to sleep with this man but saying that you should do what you want, not what others dictate for you.

you are willing to let your bf sleep with others and accept his terms of not sleeping with someone else yourself, because you wouldnt be jealous, but if you read back to your last post "a girl writing" you state so yourself that maybe I should wait till he sleeps with someone else so that you get mad and end the relationship. that to me seems like you would be jealous if he did. your allowing him to have options which is what is happening while at the same time limiting those options for yourself.

I get it safety and comfort. but all safety is going to get you is regret and remorse

Better to Have Loved and Lost Than Never to Have Loved at All

Well, the advice I would give a guy is to be cool and wait a day then drop a simple line about meeting up.

If you go all in and basically tell him, by text, that you miss him and want him you're giving him all control and power. However you did some pretty terrible and harsh things, things I pointed out already, so I think it's safe to say he's probably walking away from this. He might just be annoyed with you and wants to keep his distance for a bit but, honestly, I would just pen you down as a massive cocktease and move on.

Screw it. What have you got to lose... Just wait until tomorrow then send him a message about meeting up. Show interest but not too much. You can say you miss him just don't go too deep into why you miss him. But seriously, i'd have walked away and I think 90% of people on these forums would have too.

I don't know. I'm lost and feeling sad Now I feel like I don't want to meet him at all, because anyway, always in my life there is this proportion: the more I like the guy, the more stupid I behave.
I remember, when I was young and I tried to strangle this 15 year old guy that he started to cry almost. Our mothers were friends and he liked me a lot. After that - he didn't. And I just thought to play. It's something like I want to be cold with them, but after - I wonder why did I do it.

I think it's better to forget him sooner. I already feel like crying. I could practice with someone else or stay with dogs, because my bf said we aren't going to talk to each other no more, because it's a liveless relationship which we have.

Even if I met this guy - what should I do? What should I say? That I need more time? I don't trust myself... I always do something to create the distance. I do it without realizing. And there are like thousand little details, in which I could fail.

If I go to that event (breathing courses) there are two options - he talks to me or it's over. I won't write him or talk to him first.

So, your boyfriend ended it with you or told you not to talk to that guy again?

Anyway, quit the melodramatics. Get off your ass, message the guy and see if he wants to hang out. The only certain thing out of your actions is if he walks away and you haven't tried squat to get him. You're on pick up forums asking for help: Pick up is about going for what you want and getting it or at least finding out 100% if you can or can not have it by being assertive and making a move. You're just bitching now and too busy feeling sorry for yourself. The only purpose that serves is to sabotage yourself and it's doing it right now. If you don't message this guy and he walks away you'll never know if you had a chance even if it were for a month! Could have been the best month of your life but you never took the chance and instead took on a defeatist mentality of already thinking it was over before it even began.

Pick yourself up, brush off the dust and find out if you have a chance with this guy or not. Afterall, you may be a woman and men may have to come to you but don't forget that he did actually go to you only for you to essentially tease him(This is how a guy sees it regardless of the emotions behind your actions) and put him down. When you do those things -- whether you meant to or not -- you simply have to put on your big boy/girl pants, own up to it and apologise or set in motion what needs to be done to make it better.

You'll only regret it if you don't try to find out if there's still a chance. That's one of the few core things I took from pick up: If you like someone go for it and get your answer. An extra text message in certain situations is a good thing.