Hey all,

So I've been friends with this girl for over a year. I've filled a parent/big brother role for her, however the past few weeks things have changed. We were spending almost every day together, sleeping over/cuddling and occasionally making out while drunk. We would laugh about it after, but I certainly would consider all of the above IOI's. I didn't think much about it, until she started talking to someone else, and became extremely torn up. She heard through the grapevine that I was upset and we sat down one morning to talk about it. She said she never had feelings like that towards me, and apologized for leading me on, but wanted it all to go back to how we used to be. With this said, what's the best course of action? I've began acting more distant, which I know is bugging her, but she wants to sit down and talk because mutual friends are giving her shit about who she's with and she thinks it's me telling them to (it's not). Please Help!!!

Tough situation. I've been in one very similar to yours, and I know how much it sucks. The way I would handle your situation is to basically go back to how things were, except amp up the jealousy angle. Be careful to find that balance where the jealousy intrigues her rather than completely shuts her off. I would do this 1) because you have mutual friends and this could strain those relationships if you keep acting distant and 2) right now she knows she has you hooked, so her interest level is low. Work up the jealousy and it should work in your favor.

So what exactly do you want from her? Just hook up with her or make her your girlfriend? I didnt really get it...

So first of all you did the right thing for now...You walked away from what you dont want. Which in your case is being just a friend. Always remember: Being able to walk away creates attraction!
And like you said its obviously bugging her. Guess why?
In my honest opinion I think she is testing you. She is testing if you go along with what she wants or if you´re a guy who stands up for himself. I mean cuddling and making out with her...common man...Who is she trying to fool?

No girl will cuddle with you, make out with you and spend day after day after day with you if she has NO FEELINGS for you at all. I been in this situation before. She always told me "we are just friends" or "I dont feel the same for you". What she really is saying is: "I really like you and I might consider you as a boyfriend but im not quite there yet". So what I did and what I recommend you to do is to ignore it. Make your move either way. Thats what I did and it turned out that she DID HAVE incredible feelings for me and I DID make her my girlfriend a few weeks or month later...

Anyway...,If she is "forcing" you to talk about this topic you have to make it clear to her what it is that you want.
Dont go along with something you dont want. Dont accept the friendzone if you dont want to be there! I mean of course you see it in the movies all the time: If you´re just persecutive enough and make a big enough jackass out of yourself she will see once day how great you are and fall in love with you. Obviously the real world doesnt work like this....

Sorry I didn't make things clear. Ideally I'd like to take steps to make her my girlfriend. And I am in no way planning to accept the friend zone! I just am not sure how open/honest I should be with her with this talk. And she isn't FORCING me, but she wants me to, and based on how close we are, it would be strange for me not to talk (maybe that's good?). I was considering playing it cool and pretending like I don't care, then begin to distance myself more and proceed with going for other girls, being sure she knows this is happening (pictures/asking her about them periodically, etc.) to instigate some jealousy. Then continue from there with flirting and touching again.

So how and what do I let her know what I want? Do I play it cool and do what I said or let her know now?

Don't talk to girls about your feelings.

My recommendation is make your desires/intentions clear (I think you did?), and if she doesn't reciprocate, don't get angry or try to convince her - just move on.

Putting too much energy in one girl will land you in the "friend zone" and it certainly won't get you laid.

Go after multiple girls, always.

I mean she knows I have feelings for her but unfortunately she never was able to hear it from me in the way I would have liked. Basically I'm not entirely sure if she knows my intentions.

Like I said, if you guys talk about this topic or she comes to you to talk about it you need to tell her what you want.
Say something along these lines:

" Im not interested in just being your male girlfriend or just your buddy. I adore you and and i want you, you are an amazing girl but im over this "just being friends" bullshit and if you dont have any romantic interest in me it just dont work for me. I realized that."

Thats the basic message. And then you just walk and never look back! You dont call her you dont text her you dont do anything! And if she has any feelings for you she WILL contact you again! Trust me!! It might take some weeks (In my case it took over 3 weeks!) but when she reinitiates contact...You´re in!!
If she doesnt contact you you know that she really had no interest in you at all.
Dont wast hours on the phone when she calls or texts you. Arrange a date!
Say something like "Hey, nice to hear from you!......When are you free to get together? We could cook something at my place/your place and grab a bottle of whine"

She already knows whats going to happen then so...Thats the only way to go imo.

Yeah that makes sense. I'm definitely going to let her come to me to finish our convo though. And I know this is probably natural, but I just worry about losing her entirely.

Of course thats normal! But if she has anything left for you she will think the same! And since you didnt close the door for her entirely she will come back to you. Trust me.
But to be fair enough...YES there is a chance that she wont come back. Its always a risk. But if she doesnt, you know that she really had no romantic interest in you at all!

So here's kind of my plan after digesting my own advice, yours and others: Limit contact til the end of the week until we sit down and talk about it, even though she wants to meet today. Then basically lay it out on the table how it is?

Depends on what she says. If she comes up with this "Lets be friends and go back to the old and act like nothing happened" Shit then yes. But only then.
And by laying it all on the table I dont mean act like a whiny bitch and tell her your deep feelings and how much you love her. DONT DO THAT.
Tell her something similar to what I posted earlier. And if she still says "I dont know" or "I cant offer you more than being friends" or anything like that just say to her "Okay, call me if you change your mind" So that way you leave the door open for her, you know?
Dont worry it will be alright my friend.

she's already saying she misses me and "hasn't seen me in forever" and its been 2-3 days... not sure what the best way to respond is..