Night of mixed results - confidence lowered



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PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2014 11:54 pm 
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Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2014 8:38 pm
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Its been 5 months since I got out of a 6 year LTR, since then I've been gradually improving my game and myself and been getting out there. All of my life I've gotten a lot of positive feedback about my looks and looking back, I've been totally dependent on them to attract other people. My social skills have been average, at best.

I moved back to my hometown after the breakup, I'd been gone for 5 years and lost contact with a lot of people. I was told about a spot that a lot of the alumni from the high school I went to frequent so I decided to start going there on their specials night with my crew. This place is a gold mine for pick up and gets packed on these nights.

Two weeks ago, I caught a glimpse of a girl at this bar who fits exactly the look I like. I gave it some time, being sure to be seen bantering around with other people, and made my approach. She was there with her mom and I talked with both of them for about 10 minutes, being flirty and getting laughs out of the girl. Turns out I have a bit of background with her sister from about 8 or 9 years ago. Got the number that night, gave it 4 days and called her. No response, didnt leave a voicemail. I texted her to let her know it was me, no response.

Two weeks go by and I return last night, same spot, with a buddy of mine and after about 30 minutes there, I see her. She was with a guy and although it seemed like she was bouncing around from group to group, kind of got the impression she was into him. Thats alright, I can respect that, Im doing the same thing.

At this point, its getting busier and I start to make approaches. I hang out by the door for a minute where the door man is checking ID's. Two blondes are getting checked and as they come through Im the first person they see and I open with a simple " :) Hey you". Reeled the two of them in and hit it off. Introduce them to my friend and its going well, playing darts, having giggles and back and fourth kino. Secretly, Im hoping the girl from two weeks before is seeing these other girls getting into me. Eventually, she walks right by us and definitely notices. Im feeling solid at this point.

So these two girls I opened on are hanging out with their work friends that they were waiting for, and I wanna open on two girls sitting at a table by themselves. I approach with a smile and discussion about how funny one of the bar tenders is. Well after maybe half a minute, one of the girls starts getting hostile towards me with personal insults about looking young (Im 27 but look like Im 21 or 22) and other shit. I thought maybe shes just challenging me, but she pulls a serious face and then goes into how her and her friend are actually lesbians and dont want me talking to them. I laughed it off a little bit, but this girls face was totally straight and she seriously was not interested in me talking to them. Shot down pretty hard, it happens. Moving on.

At this point Im planning on talking to the girl from a few weeks before. Im having a cigarette with my friend on the patio which is actually the main entrance, and I see her with a group of people in the corner of the patio. She walks out, Im assuming to go to her car, by herself and Im thinking when she comes back in would be perfect to get her attention. Well shes walking back over, is about to walk by me and I turn around and say her name and ask her to hold up. Well, she kind of laughs, says "No!", and starts running, alright, speed walking passed me. Like, she had no interest in even giving me a minute, even though a few weeks before we had a nice interaction where it was obvious there was mutual interest. It was like she couldn't wait to get further away from me so I wouldn't have a chance to talk to her at all.

I started to think about how all the advice I read here and other places is to just blow through stuff like this, dont let it impact your state of mind and maintain your frame. Dont take it personally. But, the truth is, I kind of have a crush on this girl, and I think it has something to do with that I have a background with her sister and they look very similar. Shes also very attractive in general and came off as the sweet heart type when I first met her, which I adore.

I plan on continuing to go out here with my friends, and she told me she lives very close and has a lot of friends there, so I imagine I will be seeing her again. Im confused if shes interested in me at all, maybe was just being nice the first time I met her, maybe she gave me a fake number, maybe she was really pissed that I was being touched by this other girl, maybe she finds me repulsive, maybe she likes to play hard to get...I dont know. I'd really like to try and get some clarity from her without just directly asking if she'd prefer I just leave her alone when we're both at the same place.


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PostPosted: Thu May 15, 2014 2:20 am 
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Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 2:12 am
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That's rough. If you want clarity, here's my take on it:

You made the mistake of not talking to her sooner. You made yourself out to look like some sort of creep, approaching her when she's on her own, likely tired and disinterested in talking to any more dorks. You come off really passive by not immediately trying to strike up a conversation with her. The pre-selection DHV thing probably worked at first but it might've also made you look like a creep given that you didn't speak with her at all beforehand.

If anything, try again later at a better time. It's ok to be upset by her attitude (as understandable as it may be) but don't let it manifest in any interaction with her.

_________________
The ultimate lesson of psychoanalysis is that human life is never "just life": we are possessed by the strange drive to enjoy life in excess, attached to a surplus which derails the ordinary run of things.
-Slavoj Zizek


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