I just don't get why I'm not a hit with the lady. I have a good physique, kinda lean, kinda tall. I'm a good looker (not a Brad Pitt but better than most) and I've got a pretty decent wardrobe. I've got loads of interests - politics, music (jazz, hip-hop, classical, dance), boxing, jiu-jitsu, yoga, muay thai. I have a few social circles that orientate this and uni. But every time I try to hit on a girl in a club it's like they just pray on every insecurity. People give me cliched advice like 'just be more confident' but that doesn't tell me what I've got to say.

It seems like when a guy goes for a girl, he's going for looks and maybe a bit of confidence/sexiness/personality. Just a little something to spark an interest and know that the sex isn't going to be shit. But girls ... man I honestly don't have a clue what they want. I don't want to get tied down in a relationship. I don't want to end up working a 9 - 5 job and paying child support before I've lived out my youth the way I want to live it. But all these girls, it seems, they're not interested in just sex because they just want someone to support them. And they all want to date up, not down.

What the hell have I got to do? I've gone through blood, sweat and tears trying to improve myself, my social skills, my life. I've been courteous and nice to people without expecting anything back. I've teased, charmed and humored. I've been ballsy, reserved and somewhere in the middle. I've tried to extravert my personality as much as I can. But I have problems expressing myself, I choke on my words, I find it hard to relate my interests to other people's interests. People take me for an idiot and they have no idea what I've been through. Sometimes I find myself close to just lashing out, kicking or punching the nearest thing to me. About a month ago, I got drunk then punched a wall because a couple of silly things happened that night. My hands only just starting to recover and it's affected my training and stuff when I really desperately want to pack on more muscle so I can live the kind of life I want to before uni ends. It affected a bunch of other stuff. It just seems like I'm not going to accomplish any of the stuff I want to achieve.

About what girls want... Yes, they usually want someone who is safe, someone who can take care and support them. And of course, everyone wants the best, so they will only "upgrade" to a better boyfriend (never downgrade to someone worse) if they happen to stumble upon one. So one part of the trick is to select your friends carefully, making you look like the best catch in the group. Never go out with other alpha males, only beta males who are submissive in your presence.

About your game in general... Ignore all "rules", techniques and whatnot that you learn here. Go with whatever works for you. If you are insecure, you need to work on that first. I recommend to "fake it till you make it" by pretending. Force yourself to hold a confident posture and to look people in the eye. That will make you feel more confident. You can also try to put your hands together in a gesture where each tip of a finger touches the tip on the same finger on the other hand - a gesture that can make you feel more confident. You could also try to stand in the winner's pose, with your arms straight out and up in a V to increase your testosterone levels.

Hey,

relax!

The problem here is you're wanting people to even tell you what to say.

Do you really think that there's some magic line?

It doesn't work like that.

You say you've tried different approaches which is good.

But for how long? What was your experiences and what did you learn from it?

What mistakes did you and what things went well?

These are the sort of questions you need to be asking yourself to improve.

Joe

Hugge, hey thanks for the tips but I don't think these girls are all taken, well I'm not going out of my way to cuckold guys in any case. I also don't think most of my friends are better catches per se. More confident maybe. I've been faking it till I make it, looking people in the eye and stuff for a long time. Doing these sports has helped with my posture as well.
It's more that if someone says to me - and this isn't always advice that has been solicited - 'be more confident' my immediate reaction is, well that's pretty patronising I can't just say 'I believe in myself', snap my fingers and everything will be fine. Like, if you're going to advice me at least give some concrete advice, e.g. things to say. And no, I don't want a magic line, I just want the sort of material that will help me relate the interests I have to the other person's interests and be able to sustain a long conversation without awkwardness. Usually I make a good first impression and then after about a minute or two I run out of things to say, the conversation dies out and awkward silences start to creep in before I'm forced to end it. People think I'm stupid and have nothing to say for myself.

'Hey man, I do thai boxing and I like to punch and kick people in the face as a leisure activity.'
'Hey darling, my name is JHA91 I'm part of a comedy society where I try to be funny.'
'Hey, a couple of years ago I read a few wikipedia pages on political ideologies and I'm kind of into that...can I buy you a drink?'
'What's up? I'm trying to be a jazz pianist but I find it hard to play live with bands do you want to go out with me anyway?'

So if I'm like this on a non-sexual level with acquaintances, people in my friend circle and even friends I've known for a long time, how can I expect to chat up random girls in bars? Even more so, how can I expect to apply the weird kind of pick-up artistry and canned materials you see in books like The Game? Why do people give such cliched advice? Why doesn't anything work and why do girls just prey on your insecurities rather than try and see what you're strong points are? Why do I even care about picking up women, why can't I just get on with my life and forget about all these fuckers that think they're out of my league and know nothing whatsoever? What's so special about other people that they can get laid at least a few times but I can't? Why do other people get partners and spouses and I don't? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with all these fuckers that think I'm not good enough?

@JHA91: I get what you mean... You don't know what to say... how to carry on a conversation and look like the awesome guy that you are.

The problem is that nobody here can arm you with enough "material" or even discussion topics to carry on with a girl for an extended period of time. At some point you need to rely on yourself...

What hugge is saying is that you shouldn't be picking and choosing pieces of advice and tactics from this forum. You may have noticed but there are VASTLY different pickup styles around here.

You need to find what works for you. Being natural and easy going works for me, typically. I hate lines and routines. Others here have great success with lines and routines. It's all about what works for you - and I really doubt that everyone here just "knew" immediately what worked... it takes a while. It takes rejections and practice. It can take months or years.

While I would say that people telling you to 'be more confident' is blanket advice (I may have even given it to you on here before, cause it is fairly 'key' advice...), the context is important. Be confident in yourself and know that you're the guy you're describing above. Know that you're the catch... Then approach and make some conversation. Make a joke, or hell, even use a line from here to open her... How you open isn't really important anyway...

If you find the conversation lagging or you have no idea what to say, either get closer to her and touch her, or comment on the goofy looking couple making out in the corner (or something like that)... There's shit happening all around you, all the time. Just talk about it, when you don't know what to say.

Something that helped me a while ago when I had AA and didn't know what to talk about was to pretend she was just one of my buddies. What would you talk about with your buddies? Would it even matter if you didn't have anything important to say? Of course not... you all just talk.

Well, first time I read the game was two or three years ago and at 22 I've been inexperienced longer than most people. And I've practiced a lot of things like body language, spatial awareness, assertiveness, eye contact and other things that absolutely should not have been necessary. And with the attributes that I have I don't think that's fair. At the stage I'm at now, it really does seem like people are just preying on my insecurities, I shouldn't have to do anything better than I already am doing, it's not right.

Otherwise, thanks for the suggestions...
I'd say that I already believe I'm not out of most girl's leagues. Confidence? Hell I don't even know what that means. If I'm not confident then I don't know what it is. I'm fed up of people peddling this advice around like it's a light bulb you can just switch on or off. Mostly they're just guys and girls that have never had any problems or social awkwardness so they don't know what the other side of the coin looks like and they feel qualified to start dishing out popular psychology bullshit.
I guess the difficulty is that all of this is contextual, especially what is and isn't appropriate. I'll use different lines depending if it's a club or a social setting. In more social settings it's harder to escalate and that makes it tricky because the conversation has to go longer before you can figure out a way to ask the girl out. And then you have to date her before you can start getting sexual. In a club I can just rely on a few dance moves, eye contact, that kind of thing. But girls are just always playing hard to get because they're funny like that. I just want to hurry up and get laid already so I can move on with my life, I don't know why this is too much to ask for. These girls could do so much worse, I don't know what their problem is.