Hello,

I somehow believe that someone may be angry because I write here, but I just get these crazy ideas and I have to fulfill them. To tell about myself - I am 22 years old, average looking, because I don't like make up and shopping, even though I am quite fit.
So, my first approach to pick up was when I read "The game" by N. Strauss. It was about 3 years ago. I really enjoyed that book and it was so exciting. Especially that my bf that time found another gf and so it was easier to think he just cared about sex. Now I believe he loved me and maybe it was that I screwed the relationship and... he did like sex.
From time to time I still watch pick up videos and I think it would be nice if someone tried to pick me up. I wouldn't mind it. But the fact, that no one picks me up and it's a bit boring. I should probably write to some kind of female forum and ask tips to attract guys. But well, I am used to guys pick up more.
By the way, I have a bf, who wants to have sex with another girl and I am fine with that, because I can understand him - it's exciting. It's just that I want this excitement too. At the same - I want love and I feel lonely fro time to time. I guess you people know about woman more than me myself ( I like the idea)...
So, I will appreciate any kind of attention or conversation or you could write me a private message.

Hey! Firstly I think it's awesome you're writing here! Why the fuck should game be for guys getting girls only - i think there are definitely different patterns of attraction for men and women, BUT 100% all those girls mags are waaaaay off!

Yeah, you'd like to get picked up - you know what, so would every guy out there! I know a girl, who physically, isn't much to look at - she's 5,2 has a very curvy shape, but her personality, her energy! She straight up goes only for tens. The 6,3 handsome, hunk who's successful in business, makes a ton of cash and is a straight up catch. She's the first person that made me think guys can be gamed just as hard as women - girls just haven't worked it out yet!

But the question is, do men and women find the same things attractive? I can tell you of a woman started doing magic tricks, or esp games, or palm reading, pseudo psychology on me, I would not be attracted - but I would say the inner game is probably the same for both sexes.

I'm really interested in the gender differences actually. Very exciting.

First of all thank you very much for a nice welcome I thought I would face anger or something like that.

Well, we all want to feel excitement. There are differences, definitely. I am not studying psychology or something like that, so I can't tell much. But it is really interesting.
What do magazines say? That man want someone self confident (same for woman), not too attached, to feel they have the control of the situation, smile and eye contact, good looking. I think there are many true things, aren't these? But ok, there are probably some more details to attract a guy. I don't know. I am very bad in making the contact with a guy I can't keep eye contact for a along... I don't dress impressive. I am shy quite often. My current bf says I would definitely be a "Good" guy if I was one.

There are books about attracting guys, I've noticed it. And I would read when I have time. Even though so far this girl pick up thing seems more interesting to me.

I wonder how important the looks are for woman when trying to find someone ... Probably more important than for a man.

Welcome!

I get the impression you're somewhat insecure. You need to address that.

As for being picked up you need to realise women are literally seen as the "Prey" and men are the "hunters" It's just how it is and it's not meant in anyway to be condescending towards women, it's just the social construct of the girl gets guy/guy gets girl situation. As prey you have to be enticing, alluring and really set yourself apart from the crowd. Think about lions or whatever: What would a lion rather hunt if he had a rabbit or a gazel to choose from? It would straight up go for the gazel. Why? Because it's the better trophy. It tastes better and there's more reward from hunting it. The same essentially applies to a mate: We go after the more alluring and rewarding target; we go for the more attractive person. So, as a woman, you literally have to doll yourself up, set yourself apart from the rest of the women out there and be seen as a prize physically in order to gain attention from every other women out there. That means wearing make-up whether you like to or not(If only when you're going out on nights out), wear sexy clothing(Red works wonders if you can pull it off) and look like every guy wants a piece of you. This, as with men, also applies to how you hold yourself(Body language, confidence, etc.). So you'll need to do this just as women do when they look for a man.

Men do it, women do it. You have to do yourself up in order to get someone interested in you if only initially and that's all part of instant seduction: Making someone want you from the moment they see you without even speaking to you. This is what makes men come after you and see you worth the chase. If you don't try and do yourself up you're simply not going to have as many men after you as you would otherwise.

You say "excitement" which I interpret to mean you want to feel the thrill and importance of being sought after by men without going up to them. You want men to approach you because they've spotted you across the room and feel the need to have you? There's a certain amount of power in that, having so much control over a person to make them come to you. A lot of people are like this and it's quite normal however these feelings don't generally dictate who a person is or what they want from a relationship which brings me back to insecurities: You want to feel special because you lack something in your life, most likely what your boyfreind(s) have expressed in other women which you feel reflects on you, it makes you feel less and so you wish to prove yourself by having other men strive to be with you.

Anyway, if you want men to go for you it's purely physical i'm afraid to say. If you want guys to start to like you more beyond your physical appearance you're going to have to play a passive seductionist game after talking to them. Talk to them, have them wonder about you sexually by dropping hints(Just hints) as to what it is you want sexually and how wild or sexy you can be or want to be.

Thank you for one more complete and critical answer! It's really amazing to get these replies, because you do know a lot about evolutionary psychology.

I agree about feeling too insecure. But at the same it's not that easy to start trusting yourself just like that. I think you get more confident when you complete some kind of difficult or even seeming to be impossible for you task. I really sometimes feel proud of myself, but still I have so much work and it will take much more time to build the confidence. I think so. I'm not sure whether it's possible to boost your confidence in just few days.

Well, if other man strive to be with me, isn't it going to affect my bf to want me more as well? Because so far I have made a conclusion that we quite often want what we can't have. And in general - woman prefer man, who are "wanted" or at least we think they are wanted. Probably it's the same vice versa.
But it's not that I am so much in love with my bf, that I want to do whatever to keep him (but yes, I am attached to him). In fact, I've noticed that I want him as long as he gives me an excitement himself or as long as I know he is desired by other woman. Just this doesn't make sense. When my current bf was in love with me - I didn't want him, I thought he wasn't the one for me and I wasn't in love myself. Now, that he has stopped being in love with me and he is dating other woman - I've noticed that I find him so much more attractive. But at the same, now I start to not like the fact, that he is devoting his time and energy for someone else and I'm left alone. So, I don't actually see the solution for the situation. My ex (first) bf was a PUA, I could say (but was in love with me for some time). I was madly in love with him myself. Anyway, it didn't work out. And for my current bf I didn't have feelings as long as he started dating others (anyway, I tried to be nice to him all the time. We tried to break up few times, but it's true, that we are attached to each other a lot)... He is so calm and in general I feel much calmer with him than with my previous bf. But then I want this excitement as well! Which I get when he is planning sex with other woman, but it's not OK to have this chase/run relationship. Maybe life isn't meant to be easy. Or I make it too complicated, because logical and emotional thinking doesn't come together.

Ok, I will try to force myself to care about my physical appearance more, because I want someone to "work" for picking me up. At least for some time.

It is about insecurity a bit - my ex bf left me for a smarter girl and more independent, I suppose. So, I want to prove that I can excel in these things myself. My current bf is crazy for underweight girls, but this isn't what I would try to beat.
A simple excitement (without hidden meanings) is my favorable target as well. I think everybody likes feeling the rush of dopamine through your brain.

The last - would it make me happy to get a guy, who likes me all dressed up in a nice way, when I am actually simple long therm? I have always preferred sports, studying, reading, playing with dogs, talking about pick up or whatever than shopping or make up. And there are so many things I'd like to do in my life for which I still need to find more time. But maybe it's possible to have it all if you work more (including good looking).

Anyway, I'd like to know what would be the chances to find a guy, who likes me without make up, high heels and dressed casually, who is interesting and knows some information how to make me want him? I guess very little?

This thing about "setting yourself apart from the crowd". I've just remembered the article "Beard trend is guided by evolution". Beard is a profit as long as it is different from other man.

Hermiona, if you hadn't posted in the title that you were a girl then you could have been me or any other guy on here writing the same thing. You are right, confidence is a slow burner. But all the inner game stuff is applicable to women as men. It's just basic self-improvement/self-confidence techniques. Read all you can on the subject and start applying it. Body language is an amazingly simple place to start, adopt good body language and you do start noticing it change how you feel. I'm not a big believer in NLP but I think they got that stuff right. Just build everything slow. Above all master the voices in your head, nothing defeats us more than ourselves. Try reading stuff on CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy), it's very powerful. If you can afford it then get some sessions with a CBT therapist. Or try a life coach. I don't know if bootcamps for women exist but that may be an idea too.

The best thing you can do is to do stuff. Stuff that boosts your confidence. Find out what makes you feel good and do it a lot. Learn not to apologise for who you are and develop a "don't give a fuck" attitude (not in a negative, arrogant, ego-centric way; believe you are a fucking amazing person with every right to be who you are).
Nope. Men don't think like that. If you have other guys openly it'll either make him think he is free to do it with no responsibility or he'll get really pissed off despite doing it himself. And honestly, do you want shag other guys to make this guy treat you better? It comes down to self-value. I wouldn't do it. If I was in a relationship like that I'd cut the other person loose and get on with my life. If I knew I could get other people then I wouldn't be doing it to please someone else, I'd do it for me.
In the language of Game it's "preselection" and "challenging". If you appear wanted then you appear attractive, if you appear unattainable or hard work then you appear attractive.

Does it work vice versa? I doubt it. It doesn't for me. I have a particular "type" and whether or not there are other men chasing her is irrelevant to me. If anything, I find it a bit of a turn off (possibly because my type isn't mainstream in terms of looks). The challenge part, maybe. My ex-wife was a major challenge when we met (couple of months before we had sex). Probably a no for most guys though.
Cut loose of him, it'll go on like this for years.
You'll be surprised, you've ticked a lot of what is on my list for my "type". You list these like they are negatives and I'd bet these are a lot of the most common things that guys are looking for. For a couple of weeks at the start of the year I dated a girl who was the shopping/dressed up/make-up type and it was the most boring fucking relationship I've had in my life, no exaggeration. Stuff like you describe is, I think, very attractive to a lot of men.
Very wrong. This is why I love day game, you see women more in their "real" environment. Anyone can dress up, look good, couple of drinks for a confidence boost, good crowd of people round them to get them going. In day game you see a woman as she is.

I had an ex-girlfriend who was very good at day game herself. It is SO rare though that if you got the skill set and did approaches I bet you would do as good as any guy starting from where you are.

Personally, I'd say do it from a cold start. Cut free of this guy, make a resolution to sort your life out, have a brand new start and go for it. Nothing motivates you better than having nothing to lose. Day game is real fun, you get to target your type far better and you yourself can be in an environment that is more in character.
I read the same article. And agree. It doesn't have to a physical thing, it can be attitude, body language, whatever. Physical is just the easiest. I think it's in Richard La Ruina's book where he says that if a woman doesn't have one thing to comment well on about your appearance then you aren't dressed properly.

Simply approaching can be different enough to mark you out.

. That is so much right, I think. Today after having sex and me thinking that everything is fine he just tells me to go home. Without explaining anything. I was supposed to stay overnight at his place. I was mad and left the same moment. Now he has just texted me, that I don't appreciate him enough and that I don't care about us braking up and that he wants to fuck someone new. The thing is that he always wanted to have sex with a virgin and I wasn't one myself when we met. He blames me for having a bf before him. And he thinks it's not fair, that he didn't have a gf. So, I agreed about him having sex with few more girls, but just the physical contact. Just him to think it's fair enough. So, when I am making these conditions for him, he tells me, I don't value him enough and that I want to break up and that he finds someone better than me - he will be with that girl. I don't want to break up, I just want him to make me have feelings and I am fine if he has sex just to experiment. But I think what he is trying to say is that he actually wants to break up. At the same, he says - no, I don't, blah, blah, blah. All in all - it's some kind of a nonsense (we are together for 2.5 years). I still must say - I love to hug him, I love to sleep with him, I like riding bikes with him, I love when he tells stories about pick up, I love his parents and I mean - I love him. Especially when there is a chance to loose him for always.

And I am afraid. To be all alone. Ok, I have my dogs, but I need human kind as well. I don't have too many friends. He has more than I do. I am not too social. I don't go out a lot. And what I am afraid of is - depression. How to fight this when you are not social enough already and you loose someone? Stay more in the library or in the city? Wear some nice clothes so that guys would approach me and at least I could have some kind of relation? I have to prepare for this break up. It's not that easy. Or maybe I should wait until he really fucks someone and so I get mad enough to break up? Or until he finds a virgin, underweight girl and then I have no other choice.

Oh, and thank you for the advice about NLP and CBT. If anyone knows really good books - I'd appreciate it.
I remember reading about smiling, which may bring you a good mood even if you are sad. And about winners - they always lift their hands up showing dominance or something like that.
. I'm not saying these things are negative. I'm saying that I am missing some things like nice clothing, because I always find other more interesting things to do... And that is negative, because man care about the outside a lot. Even if that outside is actually a fake one. Breast implants and so on. But well, our minds still work the same regime as million year ago. They don't adjust fast enough. And well, all of the offspring is going to survive these days anyway.
You could give me your ex contacts if she knows about approaching guys Kidding

This website feels supportive And yeah, few guys have payed some attention to me today at the university, probably because I wore make up and may hair looked quite good Anyway, not much enough to talk to me...

Tell him to grow up. Just before you kick him out. He sounds like a total child.

Anthony Robbins does a lot of NLP influenced motivational books. I find them a bit over the top but they are good for a confidence boost. CBT, I can't recall the name but it's something along the lines of the CBT Workbook. Have a look on Amazon, tons of books there. If you feel like you're becoming depressed then you could look at an approach called mindfulness. It seems to help a lot of people.

I ended up in a similar situation. Eight year relationship ended and I found myself living in a small town, didn't know anyone here and felt life going down the toilet somewhat. All you can do is change.

Seriously, don't wait for people to come to you. I don't know anything about female game or where to start but I'd say start with some of the basic literature (Magic Bullets is as good a place as any) and start applying and approaching. Learn and adapt.

Good luck, let us know what happens.

' Matt Hussey'seems to be the guru on girls , perhaps give him a google, he got a massive following of people in the same situation

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Thank you very much, guys!!!
I feel so enthusiastic about all this And it seems like you've got advice for all the situations. I can imagine how far you've come. Oh, and I've also found some forums for woman, so it's also interesting. This guy Matt Hussey seems to be very good, I like him so far.
"Magic bullet" I think is more for the guys. It's interesting to read though.
Mindfulness - that's meditation. I've read some material about meditation before. It's really good. I'm very much fascinated about meditation. Even basic techniques help to calm down. And I've also read some articles about EEG changes in the brain after years of meditation. I've been to some yoga+meditation class already - it feels so cam after that, just I am a bit too lazy to continue it weekly... But if it's bad - good advice to remember this option.

Thank you again!!!
P.S. I was going in the bus today and there was a guy, whom I found to be attractive. There was a free seat next to him - I thought I should sit there just to overcome the fear of being close to someone, who I think looks cool. I couldn't... I ended up in another side of the bus. But whatever - I will next time.
One more thing, which I will have to find solution to - I am so much used to my bag pack and I always carry my laptop together, so that I could read anywhere in case. And my water, even my clothes sometimes (I live like in three places at once)... Yap, my clothes aren't sexy at all so far. And that's a huge job for me to make it comfortable and sexy at the same time. But I am determined to figure this out

I will write after some time
Good luck to all of you too!

Unfortunately I have exams so I haven't read through all the replies now, they were pretty long.

What I want to tell you is that guys' taste in women differ just as much as women's taste in men. We men also have our "types" that we find attractive. Some like shy girls, some like it if the girl speaks her mind fearlessly, some prefer calmer girls who stay at home, others like the wild party girls. It all comes down to preference. It's the same with looks. Most guys value looks very much, and most like the thin girls with big boobs. But that doesn't mean all guys are like that. For me, the face is the most important feature of the girl, and I absolutely don't like too much make-up. The girl has to take care of herself though. I'll flip it and explain.

When you see a guy and look at him. Other than his posture and body language, you notice his style. And if he looks like a hobo, he can have the best genetics in the world, you probably don't want to be around a guy like that. It's the same with us. We like it when girls look pretty. Soft make-up, fashionable clothes that emphasizes your nice looking features, etc.

Personality wise I'll flip it again.
Most girls like it when the guy is confident, but we need to find the balance. Cocky can be very attractive, but if a guy is too full of himself, then most intelligent women will stay away from him.
Girls have to find this balance too. They have to be teasing, but not bitchy, and not absolutely unreachable because then guys will just give up.

Hope I helped a bit and didn't repeat much that has already been said.

Peace,

In$tinct

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I need some more help! It's about my style. I've been shopping today and the problem is - I don't know what kind of clothes are the best for me.

I personally like three styles - sportive, classical and kind of hippy. Sportive isn't feminine at all, so I'll use this one only for doing sports.
What do I wear for every day?
For the classical style - I'd buy classical jacket, black skirt, shoes with a small heel or no heel at all (I'm very tall - 1.81m) and a handbag, where all of my stuff would fit. Shoes would be black/red/brown, maybe with some trimming. Jacket could be dark blue (I already have a bright pink one, so it wouldn't get too boring).
But I've also noticed that I liked shoes with some flowers (they were very colorful) and with a small heel. I love skirts with flowers and brown jackets were my figure isn't so obvious. I also liked brown bag pack so much. And some other clothes, which I don't know what style is. Of course, at least one clothe of that mix would highlight my figure.
Important - I need warm clothes as well!!! I can't wear dresses all the time, because it's more difficult to wear something warm with them. I prefer skirts and jackets or sweaters.

(I didn't break up with this guy... He is being "good" now - buying me things and we are going tomorrow to the "swinger"? club, where I plan to wear only jewellery, bra, sexy stockings with suspender belt and high heels. I'm going to be half naked. Not sure if I should go there with him, but it's something extreme and absolutely crazy - it would definitely be very exciting and never to forget if I manage to go like that). Though I'm still wondering if it's too crazy idea.
So, my bf tells he doesn't like me looking hippy and that I should avoid hippy clothes and just concentrate to classical style for every day. I don't know. Wouldn't I scare off some more laid-back guys?
Because I can't tell what are my favorite guys. I like them wearing costumes sometimes, but I also like the ones who are more of a free style. Maybe best is something in between. Or I don't care about his style at all. The most important is the mind. The smarter - the better.

So, what style is the best for attracting guys? (I think I don't have "the feeling" for clothing as most woman do).

Really depends. We don't know what you look like.

Fashion is all about expressing who YOU are.

For me, I love skimpy slutty clothes on a girl but that is subjective. You also have to think about how to hide your flaws and enhance your strengths.

My advice is find out what your stereotype is (hippy, hipster, elegant) and then search in google for your chosen stereotype fashion which will link you to many blogs.

Before I shop, I have a good look at some pics, even save pics on my phone and do my best to buy the outfit.

I always get my clothes tailored too makes a big difference.

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I like to be invisible... Like before, so that I could observe people myself.

Because now - people are watching at me in the street and I'm scared! What if something isn't perfect about my looks? I feel alert all the time. And so because of thinking about this stuff too much, I can not enjoy the day, the view or to think about something else. And I become obsessed with it. It won't be enough to buy few clothes - I will need lots of it. I've spent 4 hours shopping yesterday and I didn't choose anything! It's more than frustrating!!!! Am I not wasting my time?? Wouldn't it be better and more pleasant to spend this time for my other life goals? Besides, I am a student and not working. I also want to save for my future studies and so I'll spend more for clothes now...

I don't want to wear something slutty, because I don't want to just have one night stand.

I can now make 10 eye contacts with guys per day, but I get so tired... And yesterday I was in this huge university event. I was there alone, my bf was picking up girls with his friend. 2 guys approached me per evening. It was nice. I got compliments. They were friendly. But not like guys, whom I'd like to be with. Oh, and I have this problem - when I catch an eye contact with a guy, I start to laugh. Then I just turn around usually. And I'm still struggling to look at guys, whom I find to be "cool". I also wonder - how could I be with a guy, who is socially active, doing many things in his life, interesting, smart and so on, if I have very poor time management skills, I'm often stuck with one task and I do very little things, which involve other people. And my friends - they are kind of weird (but nice and interesting at the same time)... I feel like I have so many points to work with my personality, that I would need 2 lives probably.

So, that's my story so far. I don't want to give up on this plan yet, I'd like to become good at this thing. But I feel like I become worse in other aspects of my life.

Calm down, girl! You're stressing on this way too much.
There is not a single human being who has absolutely perfect looks. People don't seek 'perfect looks'. Beautiful is more than enough.
You don't need to. As PEBBLE said, it's his personal preference. Anyway there is not much correlance between how you dress and what guys want from you. Basically guys decide it like this:

a) They're only seeking sex from the start(in which case it's irrelevant how you dress)
b) They're only seeking a relationship(in which case it's again irrelevant how you dress)
c) They want to meet new women and decide whether she's relationship material, or not(in which case how you dress has very very little relevance)
Calm down already! Put your focus on one problem at a time, don't try solving them all at once. Do something about one problem every day. But each day, focus on only one thing. That's the most efficient way to improve.

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