Hey,

I'm a 22 old guy, I do my studies regularly, I'm at least avarage good looking, I'm a singer, have 5 concerts this month... point is, I have hobbies, I'm doing quite ok.

But there is this girl. I've met her 3 months ago in a bar. She went back to my place that night, but we didn't have sex. We did next time we met, after texting every day for cca 4-5 days. We were both into each other. She was really interested, she liked my eyes, my mimics, my voice and I liked her too, cause she was cute and hot at the same time. Still is.

But the problem was that she just got out of a 1 year relationship and before that she had a 4 year relationship. The next month we had sex a lot, we texted EVERY day, she texted even more than I did. But she was always saying that she doesn't want anything serious, because she needs time. But they way she acted... she was calling me every night she went out, every time she was drunk, she told me several times she misses me, everything was looking like she means business. She left her friends' place at midnight just to meet with me. She came drunk to my place, just because she could. So, she was both yes and no. I hated that. We had kind of a strange relationship, it looked like a legit relationship, but there was always this "it's not gonna last" in the air.

So one day texting just "faded away" a bit and when I said it is strange, she said yes, but this is bad cause this should be normal. And then things started getting cold. We tried to text, fuck and see each other a bit less, but we went way too far, we almost didn't text at all. After a week of this shit, I said that I don't like that at all, she said that she neither, but she has to try to be free. I already liked her too much not to care.

I hoped that she was gonna miss me and we were gonna get back together. We even agreed that we could fuck once in a while, but she always postponed that, so I stopped, cause I didn't want to be needy. I actually wanted to see her more than fuck her... She said that she would write when she would feel ready. But she didn't. So the next month was just nothing. Later she said that she wanted to write but her friends wouldn't let her at first and later she just feeled ashamed to write me. I even wrote a fuckin song for her, how pathetic am I... She came to a concert and I sang it. My friends said that the whole concert she was staring at me with her puppy eyes. One friend even said "Right now, she's your property man. She's reeeeeaaly wet". Also druing that time we met twice on a party and she still looked interested and we kissed both nights. But next day, no texting and such. Recently she even said we should watch a movie together and when I said ok, when, she postponed it again.

Today I met her outside again with her friends. We hanged out for an hour, we didn't kiss, but she was all over me. All the feelings came back, I miss her, can't get her out of my mind, can't sleep today. We were "together" just for a month and now after 2 months, I still miss her. Jesus christ... I'm emotionally tired. I guess you're gonna say "go fuck other girls" but I just can't find the will to do it. Actually I fucked 2 girls in these 2 months, but it didn't help shit.

It's impossible to caputre all the story and emotions in a post to get a full picutre, but still, what do you say?


Thanks

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Stay cool.

Jesus man.. I wish I had some advice for you.. Women know how to rip our hearts out and stomp all over them. I hope she gets past her insecurities that are keeping her from being with you and you can get together. It seems like you really do care about her. I had a similar experience and it ended badly. Girl getting out of a long relationship, she told me all during it how she wanted to leave the guy she was with, and find someone nicer, someone who cared about her, someone like me(her words, not mine). When the time finally came and they broke up, I thought I gave her the space she needed but I pushed too hard too soon and I lost her because of it. She went cold, and I fell farther and farther from the place where we had connected so strongly before.. One-itis doesn't describe what I felt for this girl.. She infected every thought and moment I spent, sleeping or awake. I couldn't imagine life without her, and didn't want to. I got pushed to depression and desperation and in the ultimate feeling of defeat admitted to her all my feelings pushing her completely out of my life. I had to delete her number from my phone and erase any way I had to contact her, because I knew I would just keep trying to fix the unfixable. I recommend that you do the same. Get her out of your life. If she wants to continue things later she will make the effort to get back with you, but now she is holding you back, not from other girls but from being happy in general. The only future you see right now is with her in it. You need to change that. And don't assume that by giving up on her that you will never speak again. The girl I wrote about recently has gotten back in contact with me, but the difference is now I can enjoy what we do have because I'm no longer obsessed. Hope this helped in some way, good luck to you buddy.

She may have found someone else.

In my experience a contact 'cool-off' like that is generally cause another guy is balls-deep in her, or she's interested in someone else.

Does "she needs to try to be free" mean free to date others? I'm not sure whether you're clear about whether you were actually in a relationship here or not.

It's not wonderful, but it happens... Make your position clear to her and give her some space.

Thanks for the answers.

I doubt that there is a really important guy in her life. A friend of her even told me she's not "fucking around with everyone".

Also an update; yesterday we talked and she said that I was the one that didn't show real interest in her. It's only partly true, I didn't want to scare her with my feelings cause I felt I need to give her space and she said that too. I send her an sms saying that I always cared for her and I still do. She replied saying the same thing, that she didn't count on my feelings, so she went her own way. I hate that cause it makes me regret, but then again, she kept saying she needs space... drives me crazy. So told her, let's go the fuckin coffee or movie and just say yes or no. If you say yes we go and NO postponing. She said yes, sure. We agreed on wednesday next week. I decided I'm gonna tell her everything I feel about her. I got nothing to lose here guys. If I leave like that, I don't have her anyway. I'm gonna get everything out and I either melt her heart or scare her off. Fuck it... Just don't know if I should text her in that time... I always have this problem, I don't know if I should try to show her how much I care or be cool and play reverse psychology.

_________________
Stay cool.

I had something similar bud, except all the singing shit. I was out of a 5 yr relationship for about a year but I never claim to 'need time.' This girl was super sexy and cool and maybe some months to a year out of a long relationship of her own. We would drink, party, smash, go out for food, family get togethers the whole nine. She started acting SUPER flaky and awkward the last two weeks we talked. Even told me some shit of like her ex trying to contact her and knowing what to say to get to her. So, we went cold on each other and it's been like that since. Would def fuck her again, but take no further. Crazy ass hoe. Very cool girl but I'm sure she went sprinting back to her ex because she was severly self-conscious and I have a tendency to drive away girls who have no self-worth.

On to the next one my dude

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You were trying to make her your girlfriend when she just wanted to be fuck buddies. Why? Fuck buddy is ideal situation. None of the commitment or jealousy. All of the sex. A fraction of the time invested. Where are the negatives?

She just got out of a relationship dude. She's gonna want to go and have some fun and fuck a bunch of other guys. You let the whole "possession" thing get to you and it scared her off. Go meet a bunch of other girls and I'll bet you as soon as you forget about her, as long as you fucked her good, she'll come back around.

Good luck

We just couldn't be fuck friends because we liked each other so much. Why would she act like this then? Why she said today she went the other way cause she didn't cound on my feelings? Why was she calling me every night, why the puppy eyes... It can't be that simple.

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Stay cool.

It is that simple. You cared about the relationship more than she did. You scared her off. That's the way it works.

Next time... Just keep fucking the girl and let the whole "girlfriend" thing happen as it may. You tried to force something she wasn't ready for because SHE didn't come up with the idea. She needs to ALWAYS feel like she's chasing you other wise she's gonna get bored.

It's like if you tell someone with really nasty hair to get a hair cut. They won't get it cut until they make they decision to get it cut. If you tell a girl to be your girlfriend, she's not gonna want to do it until its her decision to do it.

I qoute her reply from today: "At the start you didn't show signs that you care for me(want to be with me). So I relaxed too much in my own way (translating from my language), because I didn't count on the feelings from your side".

It's kind of the opposite of what you're saying...

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Stay cool.

At the beginning of the relationship you didn't show that you care... that's why she fucked you. That's why she kept fucking you. Because you were something for her to "chase" after. Then, you became this emotional, love struck, pussy and you scared her off. She had you locked down without really having to even work for it. You start showing her all these feelings and you're saying to her "Okay! My dick is yours! You win!" when you want it to be the other way around.

From now on.... when you want a girl to be your girlfriend.... you just keep fucking her until she brings it up. You don't get all lovey dovey on her. You've gotta be the same guy who she originally fucked. You already screwed up so you might as well stop talking to her for now. Don't waste anymore of your time.

Well, ok. You're probably true, but I hate pretending. I hate it when I have to pretend that I'm something that I'm not, that I don't care when I do. But I guess that's just the way it is...

_________________
Stay cool.

I understand. I was just like you at one point. I actually had something very similar happen.

But you do have to "pretend you don't care" about her until she earns it. The key to making a girl your girlfriend (and not having her cheat on you) is really making her work for that title. The only way to really do that is to keep fucking her but fuck other girls at the same time. Make her feel like she is the one who took your dick off the market.

Hopefully this helps.

Yeah, I get it. Thanks man.

I know now for sure that it's completely over. I talked with her again yesterday... Don't even want to go through everything we talked about. I know she didn't want to hurt me, but she fuckin' did. And altough she's not a heartless bitch, she just doesn't seem to care. All the way she was thinking just about her own situation and her own feelings and now I'm left with nothing but a stick up my ass. I've got a fuckin one-itis again, think about her every day, it's really annoying... I pretend to do just fine, but I'm not happy inside. Isn't the brain just so stupid? It's not the first time I have one-itis, I've had it before, I know exactly how I felt before and I know I'm just making up this ideal of her being so fuckin awesome. I know that in some time I'll be "wtf was I thinking", but we are not the masters of our brain, he just throws out there whatever he fuckin' feels like. I don't want to spend a singel thought on her, because she doesn't deserve it. She doesn't think about me either and I need to respect myself and stop torturing myself. I need a smack in the face to wake up and start enjoying life again.

_________________
Stay cool.

You can condition yourself to control thoughts and in turn your emotions/reactions. Read the book 'Fuck It,' by John something or other. Helps you put your truly meaningless issues into perspective and allow you to accept life and enjoy it!

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Is it this one?

http://www.amazon.co.uk/F-k-Ultimate-Sp ... 1848500130

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Stay cool.