I have this huge mental issue where I can't handle regret. Whenever I mess up with a girl, I keep thinking about what ifs. Like what if I wasn't a pussy and kissed her, what if I did x differently, blah blah blah. It really drains my energy and occupies my mind sometimes to the point where I lose sleep as lame as it sounds.

I think it may come from a one-itis problem. A reoccurring pattern seems to be...

-I meet a girl I'm really into
-I try to game her
-Doesn't work
-I keep trying
-Still doesn't work, girl is totally not into me now
-My mind gets flooded with regret and thoughts of what if
-Depressed for hours, days or in one case WEEKS
-Move on

But I never end up getting the girl. Not even a kiss or a date. I might be investing too much time and energy into the girl before she deserves that level of investment. She'd usually always be on my mind, which not only probably makes me nervous, uncomfortable and unattractive around her but also sets me up for super disappointment when it doesn't work out.

My problem is definitely lack of experience and bad environment. I'm out of school and live with the parents. I go out with the boys sometimes but usually it's an activity like eating at a restaurant that doesn't give me a chance to meet girls. I also have zero close female friends.

I really don't know what to do about this. I tried talking to parents, friends but nothing seems to help. I might actually get professional help if it gets worse. I guess what I can do for now is to find ways to meet girls more often, or make some female friends. What do you guys think?

Anything at all?

Tell us more about your life. Do you work out? Have hobbies? Interests? Do you pursue your interests and passions (other than seduction)?

I would seriously recommend some Rhodiola Rosea if you're having emotional issues with not being able to let things go, which is rooted in anxiety and depression. Just remember to buy a high-quality brand, start with low doses and cycle on and off it (i.e. 5 days on, 2 days off for 2-3 weeks)

It's an adaptogenic herb, you'll need to do more research on it, but at the very least you should know it helps you drop your feelings of anxiety and obsessiveness. Gives you energy, motivation and helps you to realize how to love yourself, which translates to mega confidence with women.

You also need to make a conscious effort to put yourself out there. Join meetup and starting going to stuff today. Learn not to be outcome-dependent when talking to people. You don't care if they sleep with you or become your friend or not (or whatever it is you're trying to get from them). Just work on expanding your social circle and networking. Stop going out with your "buddies" as much. They are likely holding you back from meeting women or branching out socially. You need to change things around in your life a bit to affect positive change. a tight social circle that doesn't spend a lot of time with women can be jealous and may even deliberately try to keep you from being successful and doing anything that would upset the balance of the group (like you getting a girlfriend). At the very least, they suck up your time and going out opportunities for you to meet others and you're still depressed, so why not ditch them for a bit and see what happens?

Go into fine detail about how you game a girl. From start to finish.

How do you open? Do you push for same night lays or phone numbers/Day 2 dates? Where do you meet women?

The big mistake you're making is falling in love BEFORE you fuck the girl. You're probably spending a lot of time imagining your future together, how happy she'll make you, and how her love will fill some void in your life (I've definitely been there). Stop that. The truth is, you do NOT know a girl before you've had sex. Once sex is introduced, a whole bunch of chemicals start flooding your brains and you become different people. I was best friends with my first girlfriend for years before we got together. We were very close and told each other everything. But things changed DRASTICALLY once we had sex, and it ultimately fell apart because we just weren't a good match... despite us having everything in common and not relating to anyone else nearly as well as we related to each other.

Don't even consider the idea of you having a future with the girl until at least 3-6 months after having sex. Before that, you're just high on a massive cocktail of chemicals that evolved to get you to mate. You don't really meet the girl until your brain stops releasing those chemicals. (FYI, your brain is still firing pair-bonding chemicals for about 3 years after you first have sex, in order to keep you together to care for the kid. So it's probably not a good idea to get married before the three year mark, and I think the divorce rate lends a lot of credibility to this theory.)

Here's a healthier pattern that I eventually stumbled upon after years of heartbreak.

-I meet a girl that seems cool
-I use my skillset to the best of my ability (recall what Yoda says about trying)
-Doesn't work
-I alter my strategy a bit
-Still doesn't work
-Get pissed off and commit myself to spending the next six months developing myself to the point where I won't even give a damn what she thinks of me

If you leverage the pain, you can use it to propell you to new heights that the average hot girl will never have the motivation to acheive. Use it to your advantage.

To be honest, at this point, I have come to like heartbreak. Nowadays, if I lose a girl that I like, it doesn't even upset me that much because I know what a huge transformation I will achieve in the next few months. This has happened so often I've jokingly dubbed it "fury mode".

Instead of being depressed, get a gym membership and start a brutal weight-training program. Instead of sitting around thinking about her, go out seven nights a week and approach like your life depended on it. Chances are, in 6-12 months she'll be DEEPLY regretting not getting with you, and at that point, you probably won't be into HER. This has happened to me countless times.

Stop with the regrets. You did the best you could do at the time, and unless you have a DeLorean, there isn't much you can do about it now. If you're serious about learning game, learn to embrace the failures. Successes are a short-term ego boost and nothing more. It's the times you fuck up that make you grow and become that much more potent.

So go out and fuck up. Then pick your self back up and go fuck up some more. After a while, you'll build an emotional callous, which in turn will make you naturally non-reactive, and you'll start achieving massive success.

If you really want to get this stuff handled, forget your friends. They're not going to be able to help you. Sure, hang out with them and have fun, but realize that that is a completely separate thing from picking up girls. Trust me, I've tried getting friends into this stuff... almost never works. So find a couple wings in your area and go out. The only way you'll make a change is by actively working at it with like-minded individuals (you can definitely do it alone if you need to, but having a wing can provide much-needed motivation when you lose steam). It doesn't even matter if the wing is skilled. Just find someone to go out to bars/clubs/wherever with. Remember, while all the pickup theory is awesome and very reformative, it's supplemental. The real change happens when you go out.

Since someone asked about my life I'll highlight every shitty detail about it. Skip three paragraphs if you don't want the details. I've been out of college for a year. I live with my parents in a small city that's at least a twenty minute drive from almost all my friends and I currently play online poker for a living so that naturally brings social isolation.

My life is pretty dull. Unless I have plans which are rare I usually just play poker, guitar, video games and work out. Everyday it's the same boring routine that leaves me going to bed lonely and miserable. Most of my friends are casual friends. I have very few close friends and live far away from them which is probably why I'm rarely invited out. One of them told me that me being in a socially isolated environment allows my mind to wander, to over think things and develop negative thought patterns such as feelings of inferiority. Although I kind of agree I think these feelings of inferiority stem more from me always having to be the one to initiate texting/SPAM/facebook chatting people as if no one cares that I exist, as well as being a social outcast most of my life.

I clearly need to make enough money so that I can move out and live in a socially rich environment. Before that happens I need to network and either make new friends or improve my relationships with current ones. I don't think I'm socially retarded. Maybe a little selfish and awkward at times but that's all there is to my personality flaws IMO.

When it comes to girls I think my biggest problem is lack of experience and bad environment. I don't cold approach, so I only really meet girls at parties or through friends. I remember two times this year where I had some initial success. But both times I fucked up before I fucked her and she went from interested to zero interest. I think the problem both times was that I was too emotionally invested. They were constantly on my mind and although I was aware of my one-itis I just couldn't stop thinking about them! That desperation and neediness probably showed itself and drove them away. I'm just getting over the last one! And I know how funny that sounds. Getting over someone you haven't fucked (or even kissed in the second case).

Blue your idea of leveraging the pain for self-improvement is a good one. That's what I did after my ex broke up with me a year and a half ago. I decided to hit the gym hard and cut a shit ton of fat. Today I'm very fit and above average looking probably thanks to that decision. But I still feel like shit everyday and struggle with loneliness. When I'm at the gym, playing poker/guitar or out with people the negative feelings of regret, inferiority and loneliness don't appear as much. When I'm playing video games or browsing the internet I feel hugely inferior and alone.

So I guess a good short-term solution to the negativity is to cut down on those two things and keep busy. But in terms of actually helping myself get laid, I should probably learn to cold approach. The problem is there's few 18-25 girls in my city. I almost never see 18-25 girls sitting at the bar by themselves waiting to get hit on. They always seem to be with their friends. There's lots of hotties at the gym but I heard gym game is a big no no since it's a closed environment that you'll be in several times a week. Clubs make me feel self-conscious and weird. Parks? Bookstores? Malls?

Time to go out and fuck up!

That's going to be the case 99% of the time regardless of which city you're in. Hot (or even average) girls are not going to be alone at bars and clubs. Most guys who even have the courage to approach think they have to wait for an opportune moment when the girl is alone. So even if she comes to the club alone (rare), she isn't going to be alone for long.

If you're going to have success, you have to just bite the bullet and go outside your comfort zone. You gotta approach groups. It sucks in the beginning, but there's no way around it. If you don't approach groups, you're really only left with the really disgusting girls that no one wants. And a lot of guys are so desperate, that a girl would have to be REALLY gross for no guys to go for it.

Forget about being cool. Forget about getting laid. Don't worry about being weird; I know a lot of weird people, and they are far more interesting than the "cool" people. Your mission over the next three months is to build a callous. Forget about outcomes. If you approach, the night was a success. If you didn't, it was a failure. Progressive desensitization is your goal.

If you haven't already, check out these youtube channels. They have a ton of free, in-depth material on a wide variety of pickup topics, and they are pretty damn inspirational on top of it all. Seriously, when I was coming up in 2005, most of the expensive PUA products didn't even have this kind of quality. Back then, you basically had to read a bunch of ebooks and guess what it was supposed to look like, then go out and try it a million times until you figured out what they meant. These videos have a lot of in-field footage, which is VERY valuable. The most valuable thing about it is it shows you just how boring this stuff looks. It's not ultra-smooth James Bond shit. Most of the time, it's just goofy self-amusement. I spent like 3 months using "do you like salad?" as my opener. Don't overthink it, just look for ways to entertain yourself while talking to others, and always be leaning just outside your comfort zone. Do that on a consistent basis, read a little pickup theory, and the rest will come.

https://www.youtube.com/user/rsdfreetour
https://www.youtube.com/user/RSDTyler
https://www.youtube.com/user/RSDjulien

Here's the deal. If you go out and completely fuck up a set and embarrass yourself, the group may laugh at you for a few minutes (and the vast majority of sets won't go anywhere near that badly... I've only had a handful and I was VERY socially awkward when I started). Then you'll be immediately forgotten and never thought of again. And you'll forget them just as quickly (I've had some brutal sets... I cannot remember what a single one even looked like). Meanwhile, if you DON'T approach, you're never going to improve, and you will go without. As a result, you'll resent the success you see in others, and you'll become increasingly bitter, and you'll just slowly decay. Maybe if you're lucky, some 6 with stumble into your life, get pregnant, and lock you into a loveless marriage (which won't stop her from fucking other guys behind your back). Then after a few decades of that, you'll die... miserable, bitter, and resentful.

Now tell me, which scenario is scarier?

This shit is serious. Look around. How many people do you see that are living truly happy lives? Look at their faces. They're defeated, and they're bitter because all their dreams are dead. These people are not the exception, they are the norm. And this is going to be you, count on it.

Unless you put your foot down RIGHT FUCKING NOW and fight it, kicking and screaming. No matter what you do, you're building momentum. You've been building negative momentum just about all your life, and that momentum will only grow stronger the longer you wait. Cut it off IMMEDIATELY. It's a cancer that will only grow the longer it's left untreated. It WILL be painful in the beginning, but it has to be done. But you know what, your first few weeks of working out, you're sore as FUCK. But looking back, do you regret that pain for even a single second?

As I said, I've had some brutal sets. I don't regret a single one (in fact, the only regrets I have are the sets I was too afraid to approach). The bad ones have forced the improvements that have allowed me my success. In fact, I look back fondly on those bad sets. A lot of them were really damn funny, and they make for WAY more entertaining stories than the hot girls I've slept with. In fact, just a couple weeks ago, I had a girl in my face, screaming that I was ugly and that I looked like Shaggy from Scooby Doo. 99% of guys would have crumbled, but I just found it hilarious. I held my frame, laughed, and said, "that's awesome! I love Shaggy! That's my shit!". A few minutes later, her friend came up, apologized, and said, "sorry for my friend, she's on edge because she's fasting. We don't think you're ugly, in fact, I think you're cute". Am I cute? Highly debatable. But I maintained my frame and didn't let others dictate my happiness, and that is HUGE for generating attraction.

Think about it. That scenario is probably the worst outcome most people imagine. That's the scenario that people have in their heads that stops them from approaching. But you know what? That was one of the funniest, most awesome sets I've ever had, and I didn't get so much as a handshake. Even thinking about it now, I have a huge smile across my face . I receive FAR more joy from that memory than 90% of the make-outs and phone numbers I've gotten. You dictate your reality. No one has power over your happiness unless you give it to them. So go out, make a fool of yourself, then come post the field report here and share a laugh with the forum. Trust me, these will be some of your most prized memories later in life. It's these memories that will allow you to look back on your life with a smile on your face. It's these memories that will allow you to be content on your death bed. Please, do not deprive yourself of these experiences. It would be such a waste.

This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. Go live it, aggressively. You'll have plenty of time to avoid negative feelings from approaching when you're old and can no longer get it up.

Bro its simple.

Learn to love yourself and your life. 'If you cannot love yourself, why should others?'

you start enjoying life and others will enjoy it with you.