It's a valid point but clowning the bully - not alpha - instigates shock. Because bully pokes PUA who ignores continuously, he builds up expectation that result will be the same. By AMOGing the bully, you essentially belittle him e.g. you remind me of my younger cousin who looks up to me. Then change topic and continue talk. Bully tries to interject, rinse and repeat e.g. we used to play Pokemon, what a fun thing it was! and he reacts even more amazingly which DLVs until he loses social value to the group. Unless of course the group hates you then Im afraid tell the bully that everyone knows he's trying to compensate for a small dick. He'll never look at it the same way again. Note - I messed up the quoting.

[/quote]I am still surprised everyone here is trying to tell the OP to clown the Alpha back...what do you think will happen in the end? The alpha either backs down OR they start trying to compete with the OP that much harder. If a kid talks shit about you do you talk shit back to the little kid? No, that will only egg him on and you guys won't be going anywhere for awhile.[/quote]

I agree with this. First off competing with him will not work in your favor as he has all the momentum in the group, and like someone else said everyone wants to align with this guy in the work place it doesn't matter how smart your comeback is.

Second, trying to find a way to react to his comments is playing his game and he's a douche you don't have to do that, you're better than that, right?

Be a man and squash the problem at it's source, talk to him about it.

THIS is what I was looking for!! It CLICKS for me and the situation. THIS will be my solution. Thanks for the answer

The 3 post above me, you're all right. The line about "you remind me of my lil cousin always looking up to me" is very cool. Despite his higher social value its light, funny, and just the perfct response in every way. He DOES have higher social value over all because this job his career. For me its just a job. I don't put the people from the job on a pedastal and in all honesty don't care about fitting in. Its low on my priority. Where as high school I did care and did fit in strong. I just dont wanna be a verbal, ball busting joking punching bag goof that has to TAKE all alphas shit. At the job I got a few guys I talk to that keep me entertained and that I some what confide in.

However the 2 post above me are RIGHT. The alpha that clowns on me like you said does have higher social value. He talks to everyone...so everyone bonding with him is natural.

*********UPDATE: THE BIGGEST thing Ive recently noticed is when ever I see him I would give a cheesy, put on fake smile, and hed smile back. I'll see him 2 hours later and do the same thing. Because he makes eye contact and I feel like a slave to social customs such harmlessly smiling when you see someone you know. Last week I realized I did it so much....so much of the harmless, everythings all good fake put on smile, that the alpha now expects it ALL THE TIME. He has been doing it FIRST NOW WHICH in response I gave him back the fake smile only for him to patronize andmake fun of me later when he had a chance. I've come to the conclusion that smiling at guys when there is nothing funny is a beta trait. My smile was me trying to make myself ok in his book so he respects me....but it backfired. I was in his reality....changing my inner man for him. Hoping for his validation. Now I just suddenly stopped smiling. Last time at work I was eating in the break room and he popped in and gave me an exaggerated head nod and a big patrionizing smile. I just barely aknowledged him and while he smiled just looked at him with a blank face. Held my grill. I think I made him feel akward and he didn't even talk to me. Like he forgot tomake fun of me. Next time in reference to his smile i miht ask "what happened"

Are you an introvert or extrovert?

Some of what you're saying about "wearing a mask" and being "a slave to social customs" sounds like you being an introvert trying to play an extrovert's game. Although I could be projecting as that's the issue I'm dealing with at the moment.

One aspect of introverts is that they/we hate to be confronted publicly. One on one conversations are better. Even jokey things can get to us. Example for me:

I was talking through my job with some people from outside the department, one of whom was a girl I rather liked. I was out for a few minutes, and the warehouse supervisor has sat in my chair. I tap on the back of the chair to indicate it's time for him to move, and he plays up to the crowd, saying "was that excuse me can I have my chair back"?

I felt uncomfortable with the situation. I didn't want to respond because it's not in my nature to be responsive in front of so many people. I could have displayed my discomfort and let the people around know that I'm just not comfortable with that kind of thing. Instead I fell into his frame and said something like "that's my way of saying give me my fucking chair back".

So I actually tried to act like more of a jerk than I was, because I felt that was the expectation. And the girl I quite liked said something like "some things never change", as she had observed me behaving in similar ways before (again, not really me).

Point being, I sold out and ended up with someone I cared about thinking worse of me because she thought I was someone I'm basically not. So I would say that playing up to other people's expectations is the bigger danger. What do you really want here? Is it to be left alone in peace? Then maintain your peaceful state and make this a game that other people are playing. In trying to impress the crowd, you may have the opposite effect on someone you actually care about, someone who might actually appreciate who you are if you're willing to be that person.

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Don't smile if it's fake...only hurts yourself. Keep it up.

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You were a jerk to the guy when you tapped the chair. No wonder he came back hard at you. A simple "Hey X, do you mind if I get my chair back" or "X, do you want me to pull another chair for you? I need to sit down" would be ok.

OP, you're making this shit super complicated and probably being weird at work. A guy jokes on your eyebrows. Ok, big deal. Be a leader at work. Laugh it off.

If reclaiming my personal space without engaging in pleasantries is being a jerk then I'm happy to be a jerk. A lot of people will borrow a person's chair but get up or apologise the moment the person comes back. To do otherwise is jerky in my opinion.

Anyway it's up to the OP to decide if my advice is helpful, if not he should leave it.

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If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

Things have changed. Miraculously something happened in me that changed my inner frame/reality. Now the "alpha" wont stop saying how cool I am and does me favors and shit. This situation is buried/dead. Thanks for the tips everyone.

That's good to hear man!

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Clowning works for me but as others say, including learned colleague here Mr Assertive, point blank ignoring his ass works well IF you approach from a I control my own reality mindset NOT a change of topic mindset.

you said this has been solved what did you do?

I just snapped out of it. My mind got tired of social customs and I just felt free. For what ever reason my confidence sky rocketed and I just felt like the man!....I felt like the hottest guy in the world. My inner confidence just changed things around me. I felt energy shifting in my favor. Everyone talking to me, girls looking at me and working being more enjoyable and because of the genuine joy I felt in my heart I was able to respond naturally to any alpha and everything just stopped. If you seen the movie Yes man it was something similar. My programming changed. Since my inner reality changed everything around me changed for the better. Now if the guy formerly known as annoying dick head jokes on my man braws I'm so joyful and confident in how great I am inside that my response is just smooth, and im giving positive vibes while brushing him off. Its not so much the words as it is the energy I feed him, how it means nothing and how I respond.

Being internally controlled is the way to go . Good job man.

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I would've said something along the lines of what the supervisor said. You were being a jerk, and you are being disingenuous by saying you're happy to be a jerk after you just told a story about DLV for being a jerk.

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