So my gf of 5 years and I had been on a bit of a hiatus for the last couple of months. Everything was awesome, i f*#ked up, not afraid to admit it. Thought I wanted to move on when I actually didn't, she went to stay with a friend, within DAYS I realised what I had done, went crawling back to her to get her to come home... WORST. IDEA. EVER. May as well have walked up to her and said, "Please, take ALL the power in the situation, I don't want any of it!" She came back to me a few days later and said she needed "some time" to figure everything out. F*#kn rookie mistake...

Anyways, it's been a couple of months, I've seen a couple other girls which were all only temporary distractions from what I really wanted. But it stopped me from wanting to call or text her which was good. we've spoken a couple of times, last time we spoke I could tell she was happy to hear from me, said she misses me and our 2 dogs and whatnot, I did my best to shrug it off, hopefully I did. And this is what gave me a glimmer of hope after I was just coming to terms with the fact that it might actually be over. And now it gets interesting...

Next weekend I'm going away with some friends interstate to stay in the city, drink, party, game etc. And she's coming up to stay for the weekend and look after the dogs. Surely staying in the house that was once ours with everything in it that was once ours, on her own for the whole weekend is going to mess with her a little. I hope so anyways.

So here's my game plan I was hoping some ppl with more experience than myself could chime in; I'm going to come home looking pretty suave after an awesome weekend with friends and maybe getting some. Shouldn't be too hard to throw in some DHV stories from the weekend Eventually the topic of "us" will no doubt rear its ugly head at which point I'll be doing my best to not f*#k it up and say something stupid like "I still love you as much as the day you left". But I also have a gift for her. I know this probably fairly low on the list of things you should do to pique her interest but hear me out. It's a scrapbook filled with awesome photos from pretty much the day we met to the day she moved out. My reason for doing it is so I can tell her that I'm thinking about going overseas indefinitely (which is actually true, not just a lie) and that she'll always have this to remember all the good times we had. And that I've not fully decided about moving overseas but there's not a lot keeping me here right now. I know as soon as she starts looking through it she'll be in tears, but I worry that after the initial shock she'll think, "wow, this gift is a bit much". Hence the part about me maybe going away, kinda like a push-pull gift I guess.

So hopefully she'll go home and sit there in her room and flick through this scrapbook over and over until she can't take it any more... and makes that phone call.

Please tell me what you guys think, if the gift is a big mistake? Really need a second opinion on this one cheers guys

Why did you break up ?

the gift is fine, just don't call it gift, just tell her i got something for you.
the last part you wrote is a sign, please tell me to stay i really don't wanna leave you, don't say it.
change the sentences.
instead say:
i want to go overseas, and you have always to remember the good times we had.
she need to understand she already lost you, not she might lose you.
cause it's feel like she lost you, but you still here which gives a hope.
pay attention, i used the word want instead of your's - think, it's make you decision more solid.

We broke up because I am part of the "selfish generation" that forgot what a relationship was all about. I was a dreamer and she was more of a realist, which in its right should be the perfect balance, but instead I started seeing her as an obstacle, something that was getting in the way of what I really wanted. Didn't take me long to realise that I was being ridiculous and the things I thought I wanted were all materialistic conquests which I thought would be the key to happiness. How wrong was I.

Sorry to get all deep on ya there..
Excellent advice Vlads. Thank you.

I slipped through this bit. I was the same person. I had a girlfriend. I felt like I want more. Not necessary girls but do more, achieve more. So I left my country. Left her behind. We didn't break up immediately though (although in retrospective we should have).

Now do you want to go ? If yes then go. It doesn't matter that she cries to get you back or whatever (mine did) because that's what you WANT. But don't use this as a tactic to get her back.

You said that there is not much holding you back. I assume she is one of the main reasons for you to stay. This is bad. You won't be happy where you are (you aren't now if you are thinking about moving) and she will get bored and leave.
From my personal experience just to get some perspective of the pluses and minuses of leaving and starting over:

- you will be on your own. For a while
+ this means you will be forced to make new connections, make friends, pick up hobbies, be more independent. I think this is the best way to grow as a person and find what makes you happy.
- you'll lose her. This is certain. Long distance doesn't work most of the time.
+ you'll find a new girl. You'll be a lot more confident. You will know what you want. This is a very good base for a proper relationship.
- you might not make it out there. You might not be happy etc, miss your friends, family and such.
+ again this is good. you can always return and if you do you will not have that itch which tells you "but what if I did this" You might even get back together. You both will be a lot more mature to make this work.

I kind of agree that this is a bit selfish. However who the fuck should care about you more than yourself ?

I might have completely missed with my assumptions about what you want though

Yeah you pretty much hit the nail on the head there. Would only be leaving because I'm not happy and can't get over her. This will probably no doubt become obvious to her in one way or another, therefore it would probably be better for me to just leave, regardless of whether she turns around and cries for me back or not.

I'm well past the stage of irrational thoughts about wondering whether I could ever one day be as happy with some one else, doesn't make it any easier to move on from that one that has your heart. I think I need to just cut all ties and go. Thanks for your perspective. Even with the minuses, they still work out to be pluses

Fucking pathetic! Begging and telling her to have all the power??

You need to get your manhood back(if you ever had it) ASAP!

read it again dick head thats not what I said

Jay

I think you need to read your own post a few times to really find the answers.

The fact is you are heart broken. A PUA would say you have "oneitis". Either way you are not in the right head space to be making any good decisions or moves at this stage. You are in a very needy state and you are trying to come up with ways to get her back.

In this phase of break up I have seen men do some really really really needy shit from writing poems and songs to creating full videos and putting banners on the back of airplanes declaring their love for the girl. I'm afraid your "scrap book" is just another one to join the list. You cant see it now because you are in the early stages of heart break but it's true. That scrap book should be just that ..SCRAPPED

I've been through this and made the same mistakes you made at the beginning. Things that I kicked myself over for a while but now look back and laugh.

The truth is when I read your post you are trying to come up with things that will change her MIND and not her EMOTIONS/HER ATTRACTION TOWARDS YOU.

The going away abroad is a good idea yes but only if done correctly. If you are not truly in the head space that you can let that girl get up, walk out and never see her again then you are in no fit state to change the situation. Everything you say and do will come across as needy.

Anybody who has gone through the heart break / oneitis stage will know that the first stage you go through is DENIAL. At first you believe so much that the relationship cant be over and all you need to do is change her mind that you end up making silly mistakes that you will regret.

I don't know if your relationship is salvageable but at this stage you MUST come across as completely willing to walk away.

If she is coming over I would have something to do after the interaction and say to her you only have an hour as you're going out with a few friends for dinner. Have fun things to talk about that you ahve just done and maybe about to do.

I'm telling you now from an outsiders point of view who is not in your head space DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP. This will bring back bad feelings and women are very emotional. If you want to mention you are going abroad then have a few brochures / print outs about it that she may ask about it herself when she sees it. You can just say "oh yeah I'm thinking of going abroad to do a bit of traveling soon" then have a fun story about a group you may meet up with to trek up to Machu Piccu in Peru or you're thinking of working abroad to see some of the world. But then just move straight on to something else.

If she brings up the relationship don't start getting too apologetic it comes off as very needy and does nothing to change their feelings. In a way I think my ex enjoyed it when I did this (NEVER AGAIN).

You have to make this time with her fun and not some sombre moment reliving the things you did in the past. Show her you are fun to be around and havent let this experience affect you too much.

Give her space and be willing to spend time apart. Let her wounds heel and she will be in a better place to talk about it. She may even start to chase YOU a little.

Remember NEEDYNESS IS A KILLER OF ALL RELATIONSHIPS!

Keep your power and be prepared to accept it is over.

Much Love
Leo-Jed

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you made her a scrapbook?

be more like this bul ->

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haha..I've seen men do all kinds of things like this it's perfectly natural in the head space he's in.

We do things like this because we feel the girl will look at it and it will melt her heart and make her remember how much we had and force her to rediscover those feelings.

In reality it comes of as needy and try hard.

Oneitis makes us do some f*cking needy shit dude haha

_________________
When you apply intelligence, anything can be achieved

Holy shit. I made her a f*#king scrapbook. *face palm*. Thank f*#k it's not the weekend yet.

Chronic oneitis symptom if ever I've had one. I know better but rational thought is not consistent at the moment lol. A book full of pictures is not going to win her back. You're right, I need to be willing to walk away. This interaction has to be about being fun and care-free, like im getting on with my life. But not just act like it. Do it.

Wow. Each time I read that first post, the more sad it seems. That shit was never going to work. HA!

Thank you leo-jed. Dude, where were you when I needed a slap in the face before I tried crawling back to her in the first place