GF of 1 year. She is emotional, quite needy, used to have/might still have some confidence issues.
I used to have a great frame of a male, she was chasing and all the good stuff you get out of that.
We see eachother only during the weekend days because I live in another town during the week.
I myself lately turned a bit AFC ever since we got into a huge fight and I treated her bad over the phone, over distance.
I was at another town, visiting a friend and we were at an apartment. Heard gf over the phone and she asked if there were girls, she acted jealous and started being very obnoxious which at a point I could not bear and told her to fk off, hang up the phone shortly after. She was studying for an exam that was very stressful for her. I realise it was unmanly to show such aggression towards a person you care, mistakes happen.
She was really hurt. We talked over the phone a night after and at first she wanted to break up with me. I said I wanted to be with her and will fight like she once did for me. She didn't want to see me at first, was still affected. We got together again, slowly regaining the thing we had. This happened few months back.
Since then, I've been better to her probably due to feeling some kind of guilt.
She started going out more with friends and I think I made myself too available. Because whenever I get back into town during the weekend, I have no work whatsoever and all I do is meet with people and her. That probably turns her off, too.
I think she is generally happy with me but I'm losing it and need a piece of manly advice.

This weekend, we went out to a disco separated, she was at a birthday party she didn't know if she could make it to. Didn't have anyone to go there with and took a guy from her class (no jealousy, they're friends, that doesn't bother me) but she never asked me.
While she was there, she came up to me few times. I went to her 2-3 times, too. She saw some girls with us.
I was quite drunk but she showed very bad signs. Like she didn't enjoy me being around her. Since then, it's only me who calls. She acted jealous yesterday because I was going out but doesn't initiate contact. Acts distant, doesn't talk much, throws shit-tests constantly.
I know I'll lose her if I keep going like this. I'm already sarging other girls and it's going good, but I won't cheat yet. I do it just to feel better and lift off the tension in me. I kind of feel a need for female attention, I like it.
I love her and I don't want to lose her, I hope it's not too late.

You guys need to sit down and talk about these issues. What I notice here is:

1) She can't stand if you have female company
2) You can't stand her constant jealousy

If this can not be solved then the relationship will break. You must talk about it as soon as possible before you guys hurt each other even more.

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

Do you think jealousy is the problem? She yesterday asked me who I'm going out with. I told her she doesn't know some guys and she got sad and said "ok let's hear eachother later". I'm confused because I know she's jealous (but I doubt she will admit it). That's her insecurity but is it the right thing to force her to talk it? She'll get defensive.
I'm having the insecurity that she's getting bored with me and I might be too available for her recently - her losing interest. And if I sit to talk it out, we might break up.
Btw, I read your guide. It has great points.

edit: you might have a point because when we're alone together, she constantly wants to cuddle and cannot get enough. shows some neediness etc.

I still understand that me acting like a bitch is no excuse and that losing her will probably be my fault.

I don't know whether I'm giving too much or too less.

Not an easy take. I know that my girlfriend would not get defensive in a situation like this, but you know your girlfriend better than I do so I can't know for sure.

Still you will need to get her talk about her feelings in some ways, and tell her your feelings too. Communication is essential to make the relationship work in the long run.

I think what I would do in this case is to first tell her my feelings to try open her up a little bit. Something like this:

"I think that we're growing a bit distant lately because of these fights we've had and I want to talk things over before it's too late. I want you to be honest with me about your feelings as I will be too. I want this to work, and I know I can be an asshole but I can also be confused easily with all these mixed signals"

I'm not entirely sure about this though because if your girl is as insecure as you present her then communicating with her is really hard... You need to get her to open up and change her behaviour without putting much blame on her because then all hell will break loose. I messaged another experienced forum member to check by. I recommend you wait before jumping into decisions. I will also think about this and see back later. Meanwhile, you can think about ways that open up your girlfriend emotionally because, as I've said, it's your girlfriend, not mine, so you know her better.

Peace,

In$tinct

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

Isn't being overly sensitive a No-No? Asking why is she being distant? Isn't that making her more likely to say something along the lines "Things aren't the same as before, the spark is almost gone" or something.
I'm afraid of being too emotonal, it might backfire because I recently opened up and we talk about feelings and how to fix stuff when something goes wrong.
Right now, I feel that she has the control

She is insecure but I feel like I've been pushing her lately, being AFC, needy etc. and that turns her off.
She gets less responsive.

Is keeping my cool, ignoring her from time to time, busting shit-tests, acting like nothing happened, being interesting, making myself less available to her and manning up going to bring her up to me or make her even more distant. That's what I've been wondering.

How is the sex? Has there been an issue about this lately?

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

Actually, we had some bacterial infection we had to take care of. No sex for around a month, was hard. Got past it.
We didn't have sex the week just passed, period was over but she wanted to wax, felt really bad about it.
I made a problem about it and acted needy because she is so uptight on waxing. She doesn't feel comfortable.
I hope me coming back home tomorrow and having a great sex will fix it.
Rarely do we have a bad sex, she has multiple orgasms every time.
I know sex is a big factor in attraction, I try to fuck her the best I can and that's a thing I always try to take care of.

It's also weird that she did not want to actually show she's in a relationship with me on facebook. The second biggest fight we've had recently and separated 2 days (we realised how much we miss eachother and what we can lose and got back together), I removed mine and she did the same. But I moved mine back in, she didn't. I mentioned it as we were laying on her bed before this weekend but I saw she didn't move it back. I hid mine, aswell.
I know way I'm obsessing over it right now is wrong.


Recently, after we slept together, she told me she had dreamed that I have another girlfriend she found about in her sleep and we had to separate in her dream. She acted a bit jealous after she woke up and told me that.
This might be something she fears.

Yeah, none of that stuff is relevant. I was thinking about whether her sexual interest has dropped or not. Because when women lose attraction in you, the clear sign is that they don't want to spend as much time together or they don't want to have as much sex as before.

As far as I can see it doesn't seem like she's losing attraction. It still seems like to me that she feels she's not being understood enough and that's the reason behind all the drama. You know women like to throw around their little hints all over the place for you to find them and do something about it. You never addressed this issue and she feels insecure about it. She doesn't know what to think because you are also confused.

If you don't want to expose yourself so much, fine. But you still need to understand what's going on inside her head if you want this drama to stop.

Invite her out privately. Like on a date. Do something fun. I'm not talking about night club partying or some cheesy dinner or movie date. Something more exciting. I don't know what you guys like doing but I guess if you've been together for a year now you have some ideas about what she'd like. Spend some real quality time with your girl, and when you go home, have mindblowing sex. Girls appreciate this kind of stuff very much. Watch how she reacts to it. Make sure you too tell her how much fun you've had with her. These are the kinds of things that keep the spark up that you now think is fading.

If the drama stops then it will be no problem anymore, but if it doesn't then I really don't know how you would get around talking about it because that clearly means it's some deeper issue.

Edit: I see you added some points to your latest post. Her dream is pretty irrelevant, at least I don't consider dreams important. Girls love to drama about them but I just casually ignore this BS.

That facebook thing is just immature. Personally, I have it on my facebook that we're in a relationship with my girl but I know plenty of people who don't and I really think this is just the worst thing to fight about. It's useless. As long as she is willing to hold your hand when you're walking on the streets there is no point for a debate here.

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

first, i don't understand why you let her investigating you, about who you are going out with and if there are girls? - yes there are girls just friends, and end of the topic.
second, there is nothing to discuss jealous or not, she isn't your mother or father, you can hear her opinion
tell her your and end of the topic, it's isn't insecurity, it's a binding tactic, don't under estimate girls.
you keep discussing it with her, and she will weak you.
third, you told her to fuck off and hanged out the phone, you shouldn't crawl back cause she was hurt, that was your reaction, being sorry and start apologize for the way you feel is same as to say "i bend my Personality for you", "please educate me again", and she understood it she took advantage of this opportunity, which she probably was waiting pretty long, and she told you she want to break, you bent again and from now and on she understood, and from this point and on she tries to tame you that's all, and when it's happens you will lose her.
and by the way it's working, you are the only one that calling and you mind set on chase, you need to game her back, yea game her, cause right now she is playing.

i disagree with In$tinct, the stage of talking ended at the moment you apologized and started to please her minds, untill then you could do it, now her neediness decreasing rapidly with each time you try to please her.
the reason she ignores you is to see if you break down and will you please her even more, untill you become needy of her and she ill drop you out.

good luck
~Vlad

Well, well. Vlads is a bit harsh here but might also be onto something that I haven't noticed or been thinking about as a possibility.

What do you think, OP? Can that be she is always just bitching about things for you to always take apologies and crawl back to her? That would change things...
Can be troubling indeed. I was focusing quite a lot on OP being an asshole to his girlfriend and overlooked this.

I have a class so I go now, hopefully, neo will arrive till I get back and give a third opinion to make the situation even more confusing

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

hahaha , if neo gives third different opinion i drop out.

Hah thanks for telling me about this thread Instinct...it's pretty interesting.

I agree with both Instinct and V

My quick take...I'm confused. Op is sending mixed signals.... his gf is too. Some of your exchanges sound like you're overcompensating by acting like a Dick but then you go and please her. Can this be saved by communicating? Possibly... but then again I dont know your gf. If she is just insecure talking could save it. If she has lost attraction for you, she could see it as weak. I dont know how old are you?

I don't know whether she is insecure, still hurt or just not into you as much. Is this long distance?

Vlads might be right. She's taking advantage of me hurting her.
Me hurting her might have been a mistake, but a greater mistake is to chase her after that to, I guess, make myself feel better about it and make up for it.
She is a bit conservative and her words were "Nobody has ever talked to me like that in my entire life" - I don't know if that's immature on her side because I've been hurt many times in life and I just ignore it now or she's just very emotional.

Our communication yesterday - I called her around 2pm, she said she was eating and going to wax after. Wanted to call me an hour later. I said I'd be busy but I'd call her later.
Around 3pm, I sent her "You getting my baby ready yet?", she answers. Told her to kiss it from me when she's alone- says "hihi, ok".
Around 5pm, messages me "Baby, call me. I really want to hear you. :* :* :* "
Called me but I sent her a message saying I can't talk right now, called her at around 7. She sounded nice on the phone.
Asked me if I wanted to go with her and some of her friends to a club but I haven't given her an answer yet. Plan is to call her after I get back and finish my work I have to do before that.
Sent me a picture of her in a bath robe this morning.

To neo- We're apart during the week because she's not in Uni yet.

What I extracted from you guys and what I plan on doing-
1. I'll think of something to do and then fuck her brains out
2. Be less available
3. I'm not sure on this one - Do I discuss about how she feels when there's girls around me?
4. Since she's taking advantage and wants to tame me because (probably) knows I don't want her to feel bad, I'll stop correcting unless it's something I have to.

fine by me, to your question you can discuss how she feels about you with other girls, when you feel she fully with you again, means she is sincere with you, when no games occur between you.
after sex also fine, if you sure both of your minds calm and you feel chemistry between you both.
by the way i don't like this: "baby please call me *kisses",why she can't? she is playing games again? it's good you didn't and she called you, watch out this embedded commands.

good luck
~Vlad

She tried to like 20 mins later but I turned it off and sent her a message I saying I still can't talk yet.