Hey guys, I've talked to friends and family about this and a friend of mine suggested that I post here as you guys would probably have alot more solid advice about what to do. I'd really appreciate anything you guys could add or give me advice on. (Sorry if this is posted in the wrong spot)

I'm 24, she's 22.
We met three years ago online playing some game and just started talking, had a lot in common, ended up talking on the phone and then SPAM pretty much every day. I don't normally do LDRs, but she was special. She was very, very insecure at first, she tried to push me away about 10 times in the first few months saying I was too good for her (She had a lot rough relationships in the past, felt guilty about things she did). After we did the whole LDR thing for about 6 months, I flew to visit her: New Jersey -> California over christmas and new years. It was way better than I expected, it was better in person, no awkwardness nothing, it was great. So then I came back, I paid for her to come visit me, she came to my sister's wedding blah blah, I raised money to move out to where she lived in august of last year.

Things were great, I had some jealousy issues with her friends (Theyre all male, pretty much), so I guess I became really insecure instead of her because I was afraid of losing her. In october, she found out I had lied to her before to make her jealous which I had tried to cover up.. badly. So she lost trust in me and that compounded with my insecurity probably made her lose attraction too. She tried to work on it and forgave me for it but it was still there. Eventually she started getting distant in February/March and didn't want to hang out, we didn't have sex anymore, we just talked sometimes. Late march, she came over and asked me what I thought about us having a break to figure things out. I told her I didn't want that, because I loved her and we should work it out. She cried, said she'd try to work on it with me. The following week she totally distanced herself from me hard.

Then April 3rd, she said we needed to talk, she came over and said she was breaking up with me, that she loved me and cared about me alot but she wasn't in love with me anymore, didn't have romantic feelings for me. She started dating some friend of hers the day of the breakup. This was hers and my longest relationship. I pretty much broke down, I know thats really bad, but I did what I did. I called her a few times after trying to patch it up and that probably was a bad idea too. From some advice from my friend, I wrote her a letter, which she read and said "Thank you if you mean what you said in it" and then I ignored her. Two days later she texted me asking me how I was and if everything was okay. She came over to get some of her cat's stuff she left and we ended up hugging, she said she missed me and started crying but that we couldnt be together right now. She said she didn't love the guy she was dating and she didnt even know if she really liked him, but she did like him (conflicting but whatever). That was April 12th. So for the past week we've talked a few times, she doesn't want to get back together now, or if she ever will. Her new boyfriend doesnt like that we still talk. She wants to be friends with me, but she specifically says nothing more than friends and reiterates it everytime.

I still love her, she said she still loves me yesterday but not romantically. Is there any chance or way for me to get her back? Should I go back to ignoring her and hopefully it makes her miss me or will that just make her get closer to this new guy? Or should I be her friend and try to make her attracted to me again? I've read conflicting things on being your ex's friend that you're trying to get back and I could really use advice on this from you guys. I'm just a regular guy with zero PUA experience. Any advice you could give on what to do next would be awesome. Thanks.

Dude you broke down when she broke it off, you then wrote a love letter to her after she broke up with you and began dating another guy. She is never going to feel romantically towards you ever again! Move on, don't contact, erase her from your facebook and stop fucking calling and texting her. She moved on the very next day so either she had the guy waiting in the wings or your relationship meant almost nothing to her. Either way its over and it sounds like there is no going back.

I'm specifically asking for advice to get her back, not "move on". She's the one that contacted me after I wrote her the letter and consistently contacts me. I don't think all hope is lost here. She knows I moved across the country for her, and she keeps saying she misses our relationship, she just can't be with me. I need advice how to proceed, not a browbeating. If not contacting her will make her miss me then fine, but I'm not going to completely cut her off if theres no benefit towards me getting her back. This guy could easily be, and probably is a rebound considering she doesnt even know if she really even likes him.

Wasn't trying to beat you down. To get her back you have to move on...she has. Cut contact, go out with friends and meet new women. Try to stop thinking about her and everything you could have done differently through the course of the relationship. Moving on seems counterproductive but I have been her as many others have as well and its the only way. Good Luck

Thanks for the advice, just not really interested in forgetting about her completely or dating other women. I moved all the way out here because I was pretty committed to our relationship or I wouldn't have bothered. I appreciate it though. Any other input?

well my advice is you got to walk away from this... It's the best move you have.

She obviously needs some space from you and no amount of texting, chasing or calling is gonna help your cause, in fact it'll just do the opposite.

Imagine being in her shoes, looking at you. You are communicating one thing only 'please take me back, please be with me' for her it's totally unattractive. It's needy, week and it'll make her run further from you.

Now if you acknowledge this and move on then and only then she might reach out to you in say 2 or 3 months time, just out of curiosity at first. So it doesn't mean she wants to hook up with you again.. that'll might only happen if you communicate to her some independence and happiness that you are getting on fine without her.

I'm in the sort of same dilemma but it was a 2 year relationship. I did a lot for some slut and basically was captain save a hoe, which from what you wrote is what you were too. The first thing you need to do is go no contact, no talking to her on anything and delete her from all social media. Second you need to get mad and really analyze things you did a lot for this woman and she repaid you by fucking around with another guy, dumping you and seeing the guy the NEXT DAY. If you don't think that they had messed around while you guys were in a relationship your delusional. Start thinking about the bad times, I'm betting recently there were a lot more bad times then good. You'll drive yourself crazy only thinking about the good times. To summarize it you dated a weak woman, weak women do these things after they've been treated too good because eventually they get tired of it. Find yourself a stronger woman, remember what you learned from this relationship and move on.

I just got out of a three year relationship as well. It was hard. I broke down in front of her as well. It was really hard for me to see her pack up and leave. I still love her. In fact I would get back with her, but there's something about getting back together after a relationship ends. It will never be the same. But if you are stuck on her and want to get back with her the best move for you to do is to focus on you. You have a great opportunity right now sir. You can do whatever you want to develop as a person. You can become a badass motherfucker while she's dating some guy that she doesn't even like! Personal development is sexy to women. If you can show her indirectly that you're developing your own character, for you, then she will be attracted to you. But I say this with a big warning. You have to give it time. Time is the only thing that will make your absence appreciated.

1. Limit/eliminate conversations with her and her friends, but keep the bridges alive like Facebook or Instagram etc.
A. Don't post shit out of spite, post them because they are for your own personal development (it comes full circle for your inner-game)

2. You really have to do the difficult thing here and it's to grow for yourself. It is easier to do things for other people because you love them, but it is important to love yourself enough to grow for yourself not for someone who doesn't appreciate your presence.
A. Things to do for yourself: get fit, find new hobbies, learn a foreign language, learn to play a new instrument, catch up with old friends, make new friends, focus on school/work, reach out to your community, reach out to your family, go hiking, reconnect with the ground you stand on, read, journal, there is a huge list of things you can do for you.
B. By growing as a person, your previous issues of insecurity will be eliminated and you won't run into these similar issues every again. Remember she broke up with you because she wasn't being fulfilled and your insecurities only added to the issues at hand. Imagine a world where you were not insecure.
C. Personal development is mutually exclusive with her and her friends. Do not invite them, if anything do it by yourself or with your best friend that is not tied to her, or has clear loyalties to safeguard your emotions and your trust.
D. In the world that you actually grow as a person, you will most likely attract a better quality woman, who wouldn't do this to you. If you're a badass motherfucker, you will attract a badass motherfucker.

3. Time. Everyone you have talked to has most likely told you that time is key. Time really is key. If someone does not appreciate your presence, make them appreciate your absence and the only way you can accomplish this is by giving it time. Most people end up going back to the person they broke up with, but don't bank on this notion but just know that statistically speaking the odds are in your favor. If you really did elevate her living experience, then she will come back to you. In order for you to love her to your fullest you have to love yourself enough to give yourself time to develop as a person first and fix the issues of insecurity and grow as a person.

Hope this finds you well. You're a badass and keep winning.