Was just wondering if someone can give me some advice, had a gf for a few months now. Going well she loves me etc...

I'm away for the week end and she has some friends stay over (boys), shes texting me at the time saying shes missing me etc... and loves me etc...

but this morning a photo went up on facebook of one of these boys with his top off in her bed. shes known these boys all through school etc...

Anyway, I messaged her saying that im confused, and she mentioned saying, about the photo? I am since to reply, to three of her messages by text and fb.

I feel as though she has in a way disrespected me, may just be a friendly thing as shes known them for years, she was pretty much a virgin when we first
started going out. But her friend topless in her bed? Was thinking, if it was a girl in underwear on my bed she wouldn't be happy. Thoughts?

Dump her. That's not girlfriend behaviour.

She probably fucked one or two of them in fairness. That or she only had one of them over. Either way, why the hell is your girlfriend having sleeping parties with just guys?! That's kinda fucked man!

^^^ This. If it was your buddy or brother telling you this story what would your advice be to them?

Yeah that is what I was thinking, well it is her bday, and they are friends from home, shes at college with me. So..... they came up for her bday. On one hand shes known them for years, and i dont thinkshe fancies them as they arnt anything special. However, its the point really.

Do yuo think i should talk to her about it? Shes messaged me a few times, shes a really good girl and shes always honest about things. She may just not know about being in a relationship as it is her firt, it may seem innocent to her.

Talk to her about it? or just be an ass to her? or forget about it?

"Be an ass to her"?

Wow, AFC statement of the century. Your girlfriend was sleeping with some other dude(s) when you were away and you think you're an ass for being annoyed? Holy shit.

Do what you want dude. Regardless of being in a relationship for the first time or not it's common sense that you don't do that shit. There's no excuse for it. If she had a friend over, fair enough but sharing a bed with him where he's sleeping in it naked? Fuck that and she knows it wasn't cool and was wrong why else would she be acting the way she is messaging you and apologising and shit?

She did wrong, wasn't being your girlfriend when you were away and flat out did shit that no girlfriend would ever do or should do. Freeze her out, "be an ass" to her if that's what's honestly going through your head about it. Don't reward or forgive her. If you want to move on set the frame for the remainder of your relationship and punish her for what she's done. She needs to know that doesn't sit well with you. Under no circumstances should you entertain her side of the discussion on the topic and do not let her flip it. If she tries to say shit about it just NC her immediately.

i don't understand, you see a photo of one guy, lay alone on her bad without her, you get jealousy attack?
well, then you sent her "i'm confused", and she automatically address it to the photo, strange isn't?
well if i got it right, she just planned it, she just want to make you jealous, and you took the bait.
you see that's why women friend zone guys for this things, do you think she stupid? if she was slept with them, do you think she would risk to publish evidence on Facebook? it just doesn't happens.
even if she took a photo of her and another guy on her bed, which i doubt it would happen, need to be very stupid to make you jealous this way cause she risks you, even then you could text her: "now you made me jealous, also you invited to leave me for him"

So what would you recommend? she asked me again if I was ignoring her, I said no iv just been busy etc..

She said oh i thougght it was because of this photo....

next?

talk to her ask her straight why he was lying topless with her, if you think she is lying(which can happen 90%) dump her because its too much.

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ok, if you didn't mention the photo, and she did mention it, everything is perfect.
ask her what photo? play like you didn't see
if she doesn't tell you from some reason, she might be expecting you to look on facebook, also i assume she is the one uploaded it right?
so anyway if she tell you or not, wait a bit, then send her but don't say you saw it.
ask her, if she is having fun in your absence?
and tell her that you can stay a little longer if she want so.
don't say you saw the photo, she will get it.
keep everything cool as usual.
try to hang out and get some photos with chicks but not too private better in a group but still the girl needs to be near you, you can even improve it by asking the girl lean a bit towards you and put a hand on your shoulder, and upload it.
watch for the reaction.
but anyway don't make a big deal of it, if she makes play cool, you don't know the girl.
the key idea, is to clarify that she isn't the only girl in the world if you want you can replace her anytime.

if you didn't get it some chicks to photo in your absence, when you come back do it with female friends of your, if you don't have, give her push pull, focus on push.

good luck,
~Vlad

This is stupid dude.

You would do this if you weren't in a relationship and simply trying to get into her pants and have a solid frame.

OP, you're in a relationship with this chick. That's a totally different ball park to chasing after a girl or gaming her.

You punish her for doing wrong in your relationship, not turn a blind eye to it to come across as "cool." You need to condition her to NOT do these things otherwise she will repeat it over and over and it will sully your relationship.

Punish her for doing wrong, let her know what she did was wrong and you don't accept that kind of behaviour from your girlfriends. She's yours now. You don't have to play silly games that you would otherwise play while trying to generate attraction.

Also there's a significant difference between being "jealous", displaying jealousy and straight up being pissed with something your girlfriend shouldn't have done in the first place. Just because she did something that wasn't cool and it annoys you does not equate to you being jealous. What she did raises some serious questions, not whether or not you're jealous.

I can tell you for sure that if you don't set the ground rules now she will walk all over you and repeat this behaviour.

Vlad, OP, do yourself a favour and look into behavioural science. You will learn a lot about human conditioning, behaviours and how you can influence and manipulate others.

thanks for your opinion.
i glad you see any difference in being in relationship and not, but the game continues always, relationship is just a word, that defines something humans created and no more, its doesn't change anything, you still can lose, and unless you got kids, you are playing.
yea, you can tell her openly that you don't like it and you can show her what happens if she does things like this, although saying making boundaries, it doesn't involving emotions.
thanks for the offer i prefer NLP.

You are dealing with an absolute WHORE and you trying to still give her the benefit of the doubt by writing this is her whore logic rubbing off on you like its normal behavior.
Its not.
Saying she misses you? Those are horrible head games.
Do the same thing and see how the little skank reacts.

No dude, relationships and gaming are totally different. The only thing you carry over to a relationship is your frame. You should have different values and expectations in a girlfriend as opposed to someone you just fuck.

You need to set the tone for a relationship so it can work for you. As a #1 rule when getting into a relationship you should state your interests, expectations and what you will and will not stand for in behaviour from your girlfriend. You tell her up front "This is what I want in a relationship" when it gets to that point. You give her the choice to stay with you under those terms or she can move on.

Trust me, i've had a lot of girlfriends and i've been with a lot of women. I know the difference between a relationship and gaming a girl and it is never the same. A woman can't respect you if you don't exercise control over your relationship and show little to no interest in what she does while in a relationship with you. Don't confuse what I say with being controlling or overly protective. You need common sense when you take "control" and have realistic understandings of what is "fair" behaviour and what is not. When she does wrong you punish her there and then. Don't dwell on it(nag) and keep going on, just one stern "Don't do it."

For example; a previous girlfriend I had was sweet, very loyal and innocent. She wasn't very up to par with social interactions and how she should interact with others. I caught up with her one of the nights(after she was begging me to see her) and caught her hanging out of another couple, hugging, kissing them on the cheek and acting a tool. I exerted control, took her away from them, put on a stern face and told her she can't do that while with me. She was shocked, upset, confused and apologetic. She never did it again and we never had any problems. In doing this I immediately established dominance over the situation, stood my ground and proved to her that I wouldn't settle for such behaviour. Every man should be doing this otherwise they risk being walked over and being seen as weak and AFC.

Establish control early into your relationship early. Set the frame for the relationship and you won't have any problems. If you act like a chump, turn a blind eye to stupid shit they do they will only see you as weak. The thing you're forgetting is when you're gaming a girl you're still gauging each others interest and trying to fight for the attraction and attention of one another. Jealousy at this phase is a tool for determining a level of interest. At this point, as a man, you want to keep her guessing to ramp up her attraction levels towards you. When you're in a relationship you already know you're both attracted and do not need to play the jealousy card. If someone in a relationship does this they're acting inappropriately and being immature and it's up to you to correct that behaviour, not reward it.

I've had to read this thread 3 times because I was sure from the replies I missed something.

So the facts:

Girl had some guy friends over, and a picture on fb popped up of one of them in her bed (she wasn't next to him) without his shirt on.

See, this thread is an example of why you shouldn't come for relationship advice on a pu forum sometimes. You have guys who don't have female friends or if they did, they've had one itis for her for years, assuming every guy in vicinity of your girl is fucking her and they don't understand how friendships work. Reminds me of a couple weeks ago when I went out and this guy in pickup was talking to me at the bar. These 2 girls were with their 3 guy friends having fun, no flirting or touching and then after bar closed the group walked out together. The pu guy told me "Damn, those guys are gonna fuck those chicks." I told him, "no, they're friends leaving the bar together...getting a cab, walking to the same dorm together or whatever." My pt is, guys+girls doesn't always mean the orgy that pickup guys assume.

All you know is a guy was topless in her bed. You didn't say what he was doing in the picture and she wasn't rubbing up on him in it. Firstly, most people go to a party to have fun, not hook up. I've been to parties with friends male and female, a dude takes off his shirt for a joke or a bet or whatever and someone snaps a picture of him in the bedroom texting someone. The desperate guys who don't go out to have FUN see the picture on fb and assume the guy must have fucked 10 girls that night because they never really hang out with people or have fun. And, a guy topless is not equal to a girl in her underwear. At college parties I'd see guys with their shirts off for whatever reason, maybe it was too hot, maybe they spilled something, maybe their trying to show off their chest. What do you think? She had a few old guy friends over from the past, fucked one or 2, or 3 or all of them, and then someone snapped a pic of the guy with his pants ON, and she wasn't even in it?

If you have a problem with a guy sitting, laying down, or posing for a pic in her bed (I don't know what he was doing) tell her. Silly in my book because I'd only have a problem if she were in a slutty pose or something next to him but whatever, they are your boundaries.

What did she do wrong?

Have guy friends over you knew about?
Let a guy take off his shirt at her place?
Have a guy friend, sit, stand, lay, pass out or whatever in her bed?

There are some big leaps in logic here.

And a word on boundaries:

Don't set them. Let people do what they enjoy doing. If your girl likes flirting with guys, let her and find a girl who doesn't. If your girl likes having guy friends, let her and find another girl. Choose the girl who's on the same level as you mentally instead of setting rules. All setting rules leads to is holding someone back from doing something they like so it builds resent and sometimes lying.

Neo, he said these guys were staying over and one of the guys was in her bed topless, a picture of this was posted in the morning. This would suggest he was sleeping in her bed that night. What were they doing? Sharing it? What girl gives up her bed for a guy and what guy takes a bed over a chick unless he's going to be sharing it with her? He also didn't give the impression he knew them but his girlfriend knew them.

My impression of this isn't that it was a harmless party where they were just having a laugh but these guys were actually staying the night and one of them was sharing a bed with his girlfriend. If you're fine with a guy sharing a bed with your girlfriend then that's a different story but most guys won't be okay with that, least of all if the guy is sleeping naked or half naked beside her.