FR17 - Best 'online' date I've ever had

Location: Silicon Valley and then San Francisco Financial District
Objective: Go on the stupid date and give the online thing one last chance
Outcome: Made a ton of friends, worked a room, ended up looking like an MPUA by getting a squad of AFCs talking to girls for a change

Met this HB8 in a park in her city in the south bay so we could go for a walk before deciding what to do next. I was expecting her to be a really serious workaholic, but she smiled when I met her and she was really cool. She's Canadian you see.

So we walked around and I negged her about a few things (like her inability to find me in the park at first) and I DHVd about my hobbies and shit. Sat in the swings and messed around swinging while we talked. I threw in what I think is called a false disqualifier, "I can't seem to synchronise my swing with you, you have a funny frequency going. We're just not compatible."

We decided to go for something to eat, she drove me to my car. Her car was a mess, negs abounded. I insisted on taking my car to the restaurant, just to emphasise that I was in control and also to get a big neg in about her own car.

I picked the restaurant. She seemed quite interested over dinner, she was leaning in and I made sure to lean back and stay relaxed. We went Dutch on the bill.

We bounced up the street, her phone died (negged her about that) so she had to borrow mine (negged her about that). I insisted on us going into a bookstore, in the door I started looking at books I was interested in and let her walk on (I noticed her noticing this). Informal walks around bookstores are great, plenty of conversation threads can be started up here.

I drove her back to her car and we agreed that I'd meet her in a few hours in my city (SF) where she was going out with some of her friends.

So I met them in this upscale lounge where they were going to a Champagne Party meetup type of thing. Her friends were all guys, all AFCs, all making plenty of excuses why they wouldn't approach any girls, standing looking around but not talking, etc. I opened sets on their behalf, pulled them in and left them to it and went back to my date. She was amazed at these guys actually talking to girls. I looked back at the room and admired my handiwork, so many conversations going on all thanks to me!

[Sidebar, some of the guys blew it with a young 4 set. He was talking about a U2 concert that he went to some years ago and asked if she was at it. She said she was too young. He asked how young, she said "about -2!" God it was funny!]

I stood with an arm around her and got onto the subject of how good a kisser she is. She evaded the question because she didn't want to do anything in front of her friends who were in the room, which is fair enough so I didn't push it. She asked me how she compared to what I expected her to be, I got her to answer the question first. She said I looked a bit serious and nerdy in the photos on my profile (good information, I'll fix that forthwith) but she was impressed by how well dressed and how fun I was. I told her what an improvement she was over what I was expecting, and I complimented her on being so sociable. (I think she'd earned a compliment by now.)

She ended up sitting on my knee, complaining about a sore shoulder blade (I did the obvious and rubbed it for her). Later we sat together in another room and I sat my hand on her leg under her coat, she said "You're a very touchy feely person aren't you?" And she got up to help one of the guys to look for the others, although I don't think she was objecting to me touching her.

So we went for something to eat afterwards, we were all pretty wiped so it was a bit subdued. They gave me a ride back to my place on the way, she held her hand out to shake it and I kissed her on the mouth. Total time with her: 8 hours, well into the S zone.

I'll call her tomorrow, but within the 48 hour time bridge. Good connection there. She's a lot of fun and I do like her, but if we end up in the LJBF zone then it'll be no bad thing because she's a great business contact and a total social butterfly. This morning she added me as a friend on Facebook, which I'll take as an IOI.

Maybe there's hope for online dating after all.

A lot of my HB friends are girls I met doing online dating, and although we're not relationship compatible but we have enough in common to be friends. Besides, it's good to have some Hot Babe friends around. It gives you DHV material for later, and you don't have to be seen alone at places. They also make for natural pivots.

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Trouble ahead?

She's been ill for the last few days, badly ill. Bedridden in fact. Bad cold. Ugh!

So I've slacked off on the contacts just to give her time to recover. I negged her a little by text earlier in the week:

Speedbird: Any progress?
HB8: Not really but not getting worse
[24 hour time bridge]
Speedbird: Didja get any work done this week?
HB8: Why asking me on a weekend

I called after getting that one and it went to voicemail after 3.5 rings, which I always find ominous, but then she called me. It was a bad time to talk so I gave her an hour, was about to call her and then she called me. We chatted for about an hour about different stuff. I had to break at one point to go to the bathroom (hey, I was bursting and it's better than her listening to me pissing) and then called her back.

Soon her head started hurting pretty bad as some drugs wore off and she started sounding a bit delirious, talking in terms of what to do if I end up dating someone who wants to go on birth control, and then into the realms of how two people should be on the same page at the start of a relationship and a lot of people think they're on the same page at the start but they aren't, and I wasn't sure what she was trying to say.

Speedbird: "Er, you're getting at something there and I'm not quite sure what."

She started mentioning her headache a bit more, I asked if it was really bad, and wound up the conversation before her failing health drove her to give me the LJBF speech.

Now today I saw an email from her, which was a bit ominous again (I thought 'Oh shit here comes the "you're a really nice guy BUT" speech') but lo and behold it was a general message she sent out to her friends with some useful information. I didn't reply, maybe leave a 48 hour time bridge between the phone call and sending her a text. I didn't contact her today, although in fairness I was too busy.

I didn't go sarging last night or on Friday night, the weather sucked and I wasn't in the mood. Pity I didn't have time for any mall game today (Sunday) too. Lack of sarging can lead to one-itis. I might have to go out on Thursday night to stay fresh. Or maybe drop by the mall on Tuesday evening.

Went to a party with her and her friends a few nights ago in which I was pretty sociable and got a great DHV in by doing some great salsa moves on the dance floor with another girl. Her guy friends all seem to say positive stuff about me.

We've gone out a few times now. She called the other day in a panic about how she's not ready for physical intimacy just yet and wants to slow it down a little. She spilled the beans on her schedule for having children, which is a bit shorter than mine, and also let me know about some medical conditions she has, one of which makes her susceptible to weight gain. (She's not fat now, but not slim either and is slightly on the outside of what I consider attractive.) She wanted to know what I was looking for. I told her I liked her and want to get to know her better.

We went out again last night, I had totally backed off and she was kinoing me instead of me kinoing her.

She has lowered her S&R value in my estimation, and I'd be telling lies if I said I was physically attracted to her anymore. She's a great business contact though, and I do like her personality. I'm just not physically drawn to her. I'd like to stay in her social circle though - she knows a lot of people and I could help her AFC guy friends to meet women.

I think I'm going to LJBF her. I feel bad about letting her down, I've been on the receiving end of so many LJBF speeches that I find it hard to bring myself to inflict it on someone else.

So what went wrong in this? I think I was slightly off in my calibration - i.e. going kino a little early before more comfort was built.

I've composed the LJBF email but I can't bring myself to send it. I think I'm afraid of 2 things:

1 - Hurting her in case she's gotten her hopes up.

2 - Me regretting the decision afterwards and ending up pining for her.

I think 2 is the dominant feeling right now. What do you think?

Come on guys, I need help here!

Why do you have to send her an e-mail for, Just down play it like you have been. You dont what her to feel fully rejected by you

What do you mean 'play it like you have been?' What do I do next?

Update: happy ending.

I LJBFed her by email and she replied saying that she felt exactly the same way. Likes me as a person, but the romantic chemistry isn't there - a 100% mutual feeling.

Looks like I've made a new friend!