Please help as I am now a complete and total emotional mess and cant think straight.

The situation: She is breaking up with me because she doesn't want to hurt me.

Back Story: We have been dating for a whole year and a couple of days after I found a box of sex toys and porn in her car addressed to a guy that she used to live with. When I confronted her about it she claimed that it was a practical joke but yet she joking remarks about comparing me to him. After that we ended up having makeup sex in hind sight was a really bad Idea as what happened during sex is what triggered the collapse. At some point during intercourse (this is from her own words) we went from having sex with love and the turned into punishment which leads me to believe that had gotten a little too rough on when we were going at it. The next day we talked about it and I apologized if I had hurt in any way as i have told her many times that I would never hurt her intentionally. She explained that became scared that if she did something wrong that i would hurt her again. with further detail she told me that she had reverted back to her 15yold mind set when she was dating a guy who would hurt her whenever she did something wrong. I proceed to tell her that I would never do such a thing and that I would make sure that if i did hurt her that I would make that I would take steps so that it would never happen. She continuously reiterates what if it happens again she wouldn't be able to mentally handle our relationship and that she noticed that it hurt me seeing her cautious and scared and decided that it was better for the both of us. Basically I had no choice but to accept this. She also stated that she still loves me.

Current: We are still living together and in an awkward situation we still act like nothing happened but we know that it's breaking apart and have talked about it several times since then it has now been a whole 4 days since all this happened and we are trying to figure out where to go from here at this point. Any and all Help appreciated. I honestly want to try fix this relationship before our feelings for each other turn cold and I don't know how much time I have left.

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You lose a lot of money chasing women but you won't lose women chasing money.

the practical joke thing might be bullshit;
this is most likely gold plated bullshit and there is most likely another reason

I know that there is a possibility of that but the issue is that her feelings seem legit

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You lose a lot of money chasing women but you won't lose women chasing money.

not to give you even more doubt, but they can easily fake that. That is possible.

I mean why should she try to separate from you because of she is afraid of you, but still loves you? I mean if girl loves you (or some other kind of bullshit), she is attracted to you, loves your cock, why would she be afraid of you? That seems like it is typical 'avoiding responsibility of breakup' thing. I am not implying anything. Don't get paranoid, but careful. We need deeper insight about what is happening.

Didn't she get distant / avoiding intimacy recently, before it happened?

She mention that she was physically abused by a guy she was dating when she was 15 and the she has ended up going back to that mindset of being scared of me that if she did something wrong that I would punish her somehow. after it happened she started being cautious and becoming a little distant but before that we were always together when we could when we weren't at work that is. when I told her that I felt her becoming distant that's when she decided that it would be better to break up because she didn't want to see me suffering from the fact that she is scared of me. I don't know but either way I'm slowly beginning to cope with the idea of being single again.

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You lose a lot of money chasing women but you won't lose women chasing money.

I understand, you have stated most of this before, well sexual abuse could give some meaning and that might be a reason, could be true, could be not.

Her break-up reason still sounds like gold plated bullshit for me, I would not believe such a thing in my case.

My question about deeper insight was relating to your relationship in general, wasn't there really anything recently apart from her wanting to break up?

The dude should never have treated her like that. Whatever her excuse is, gold plated bullshit or not, she's obviously trying not to hurt him and wants out. If she was abused by a previous partner, he needs to believe her 100%. They need to talk a lot more. She still loves him so they may have a chance but is she IN LOVE with him? He needs to ask her that and she may say no. She's desperately trying to make the break up as less mean as possible so you have to give her that. At least she isn't being a God awful bitch about it.

yeah right

This is simple.

There are relationships that can be saved, and those that can't. Stop pussyfooting around the subject and bring it up to her. Tell her you're sorry if she has past issues and your behavior reverted her. Tell her that you're not comfortable being in a relationship with someone who is not ready and you feel like that is the case with her. Tell her she is ready when things that could case her issues don't, and when she can see things coming and tell you to stop before they happen. Tell her you're happy to help her recover and get back to solid ground again if you can, but that you have no experience in such things, nor do you know how you can help. Treat this like it's a serious problem, she's fucked up by a past experience. If she's going to play this card, treat her like it's a serious condition. Be a friend to her, nothing more.

It doesn't matter what the box of toys mean, or anything else. You are where you are. This relationship is not worth you worrying about. If she doesn't drop the bullshit act and try to invest in the relationship, then it's dead and you're wasting your time anyways. You can always be friends with her and help her if the problem is real, but fucking her or being a boyfriend isn't going to help either one of you if she truly isn't ready for one again because of whatever happened.

Well its basically whittled down to us being FWB for now. We decided to break it off and will be going our separate ways once the lease on our apartment ends in December I will be moving closer to school and working on helping her find a new place to call home. For now we have decided to keep the status quo she does what she wants and I do what I want with the the ground rules that we set in place.

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You lose a lot of money chasing women but you won't lose women chasing money.

That's not going to work...

Create some space between you both and allow her to miss you a bit.

Let her see that you are living your life and doing things for you. You cant change a womans mind with logic. Become a person that lives his life and show her you are having fun and living a full life regardless.

STOP THE TALKING!

And you are buying into her drama WAY too much.. watch out when becoming overly apologetic as it starts to come off as very needy.

Women have a way of making it sound like you done something so bad when in fact all you did was bang her a bit hard and fast and she read something wrong.

YOU are making it a big deal for her by making a big deal for YOU.

Be ready to walk away and you will hold the power.

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When you apply intelligence, anything can be achieved