I was never a player, even in my younger years. In fact, I always looked down at that approach, thinking my nice guy, "marriage-material" shtick was going to take me far. I did not. Instead, I did not have a very fun 20s, at least not with women.

But I had a few girlfriends, and had enough to offer (ok looking, top education, good job, decent enough personality) that I didn't totally get in the way of myself. But my social anxiety and fear of rejection definitely held me back.

Fast forward a few years, and at the moment I least expect it I meet the woman of my dreams. Beautiful, smart, confident, sophisticated. She was and is the complete package. And how did I get her? I didn't even know I was being set up with her, so I got stoned before I went into the bar and ended up acting unlike how I would have acted had I known it was a set up. And it worked! A year later we were engaged, a year after that we were married, and 10 years later we have a nice life and two beautiful daughters.

But we also fell into a bad routine, and I paid less attention to her than I should have. I wasn't with other women (a few pros here and there) but just neglecting her. And of course, she went looking for something else and found it. And then I found out.

It was a messy scene, but there was no way I was going to throw my family away over a little sex. The lying and cheating hurt for sure, and damaged my already stunted self-confidence, but I decided early on I wasn't going to even threaten divorce.

We are now several weeks past all the messiness, and things at home are good. Our sex life has never been better. But I still feel a void inside, like there is something I still need to accomplish: I need to become a ladies man. I need it for myself, for my own self-confidence and ego, and I think I need it to make sure I never let my woman get to the point where she thinks she needs to go elsewhere. In other words, becoming a PUA would be good for me AND for my marriage. Or so I tell myself.

But again, I have no skills. Plenty of raw material, I think, but no skills. I am now 40, with a bit of cash, still look pretty good, in good shape, Ivy League education, funny, etc. I just need to learn how this all works, and practice, I guess. Unfortunately, these days the one thing I do not have lots of is time, but the wife knows I will be sowing my wild oats for a while until my head is back on straight, so I can buy some amount of time, but definitely not going out for drinks 4 times a week.

Anyway, I'm not sure why I am writing this, especially because I have not read any of the Bibles in this field, just enough to whet my interest. I guess I just needed to get it out. I don't expect a response, but words of encouragement and helpful advice are always appreciated.

Oh, I live in NNJ and work in NYC. If any experience posters have specific recommendations in those locations, that would be appreciated too. And on the off chance someone wants to take an inexperienced older dude under their young wing...

Good luck man!
i think we are on a parallel path here. If you're looking to get even with your wife, i would rethink the whole thing, but if it is to make her realise that you have other options to, going for the jealousy boost like me, then i wish you all the best man!

Thanks flirty. You nailed it. I am trying to be the man she obviously wants me to be. Not revenge, and not even to show her (explicitly) that I have other options, but to actually be the kind of person that does have many other options. I think the confidence from that has to shine through to all other areas of my life. And if I don't do it now -- before I get too old, while I have the hall pass from the wife's indiscretion -- then I don't know when I will do it.

No regrets, right?

53 Here Bro,

And taking this path to improve/save your marriage is a wise effort, sometimes futile, but wise never the less.

It seems by your description that you both have agreed to try to work things out. Good.

But it's not the routines, or any of that shit your looking for here, it's a lifestyle change.

I'm not saying changing who you are, but to change to your value, your 'core' net worth. Not your wallet's but you as a Man.

It's time to go back to man school.

I say this all the time but a big part of this is options, yours!

Dedicate yourself to the good you deserve and desire for yourself. Give yourself peace of mind. You deserve to be happy.

You've lost your self respect there should be an award for people who come to understand the concept of enough. Good enough. Successful enough. Thin enough. Rich enough. Socially responsible enough. When you have self respect, you have enough.

If you need pointers, let me know.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Thanks for the words of wisdom Heywood. It's nice to have such a supportive group of guys here.