Hey Unfair Advantage,

another guy with a lovely name, I just love this place

First off - a big thank you to you, and I also have to recognize you and every guy who steps up and
actually asks a question - not just pasively reads or surfs the topic. It takes guts to even reach
out and ask for help.

Ok, on to your question.

You've asked interesting couple of question.

First one is, what do you do when you want to break up with a girl and get out of the
relationship but you fear breaking up with your girlfriend?

Second you've asked, what do you do when you feel so much guilt about not being
able to give a woman a relationship after a one night stand?

And the third one is, what to do if you feel you don't have much going on in your life?

So let's take a closer look at the first one: What do you do when you want to get out
of the relationship but you're afraid of the breakup?

I think there is a point in every guy's life when he feels he should *upgrade* his seducing
skills and ability, and have fun a little bit. Explore what's out there, what are different women
like and generally smell some other roses.

Now, if a guy is single, he can go out and start doing that immediately - if he get's the courage
to do it of course.

But if the guy is in a relationship, the risk of losing that security of having someone in your life,
and the fear of exposing yourself in the dating world is sometimes too big. So usually a guy
won't do anything - he'll stay in a relationship because that's the "sensible" thing to do.

However, during the last several years while I was studying confidence and trying to figure
out what confidence really was - I came to a conclusion that you can put confidence in
basically one sentece - to stay true to yourself.

In other words, if you're in a relatinoship, and you really feel you want to get out and meet more
women and have more fun - and you feel that that is the right thing to do for you - then if you
don't do this, you are basically BETRAYING a part of yourself.

And you think it doesn't matter? It does. You will know and you will hurt yourself in the long run.

There is NO WAY that you can go AGAINST yourself and have it work out at the end.

I had a student who was in a similar situation like you. He was in a relationship, he wanted to get
out and explore the world a bit - but he was afraid of hurting the other person.

Well, couple of years later, his girl got pregnant with him - and he still wanted to explore other women.

What ended up happening is he didn't just messed up his life - or her life - he messed up the baby's
life as well, because he wasn't clear on what he wanted.

So my advice to you is listen to yourself. Stay true to yourself about what you REALLY want and
when you do, act with COURAGE.

You see, courage is accepting tough decisions even if some sort of loss or hurt is involved - because
you believe it is the right thing to do.

Hope this make sense to you.

As to your second question about girls being "emotionally shattered" because you dont want to date
them after that one night - well, that is a big, HUGE, arrogant statement from your part.

This is the most sexist statement you can ever make, because with it you're implying that women are
somehow below you, or that you have an unfair advantage over them - whadda you know, good ol'
subconscious is in action here.

Anyhow, women will NOT be emotionally shattered because you don't call them the next day - IF you're
not praying on insecure women and lie to them about your two future kids and a house with a white
fence - but you are open about your intentions - and most importantly, don't think that there's something
wrong with your intentions.

Because the way you structured your question, what I hear is "YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE SEX WITH A
GIRL AND THEN LEAVE HER THE NEXT DAY."

I'm hearing guilt from your part.

Maybe you were raised in a certain household where certain beliefs were instilled in you. In that case,
you need to review your beliefs and see them for what they are - and make them work for you.

I would totally recommend my book, The Natural's Way which you can find on amazon or my amazing
website (shameless promotion insert here) and help yourself with the chapter 4: BELIEFS.

I had a situation in my life, where I had a one night stand with the girl, and when I texted her the next
day - she responded with "Hey you don't get what a one night stand is?"

She basically told me in my face that she was the kind of girl who has one night stands and thats what
she wants to do at this point in her life.

So...check your beliefs.

And for your third question about not feeling you have much going on in life...well, BUILD your life so that you DO have much going on in it.

What I mean by this is ask yourself, what do I really want to do? Do I want to travel the world? Do I
want to have fun? Do I want to become massive success?

You are not a TREE. You are a man who can get up and get what he wants in his life. You live in a
free world and your options are virtually unlimited.

So if you don't have much going on in your life, it's probably because you never did anything to have it.

Now, some don't do much with their life because they don't feel they are WORTH as much. Some don't
do anything in their life because they are LAZY. And some don't do much in their life because they don't
feel ABLE to do anything.

In your case, I would guess that you don't think you're WORTH as much. And I'm not taking shots at you, but
just based on what you said about yourself, I would say that your sense of how much
you are worth inside, your deep belief that you keep only to yourself about your worth, is probably a bit
low.

So a good question to ask yourself is this:

1. What do I WANT for myself in life?
2. Do I feel I DESERVE and have PERMISSION to have that?

Try asking yourself these two questions, and notice what comes up for you.

If the answer to the second question is a NO, then say these words "I deserve to have that in my life. I
give myself permission to have that in my life."

And notice how you feel.

I hope I was able to help you clarify what's really true for your life, and if I did, that you'll
take what I said seriously, and use this stuff in your life.

Also, if you're interested in learning more about confidence, you can check out the community
I made specifically for building your confidence in life and around women.

Link's in the signature.

As for other guys, got questions about your life? Phantom has answers.

Ask and you shall receive an answer.

Phantom

Hi Phantom... These are my newbie questions:

1) How should I react when a girl is in my bed already (I did not FC yet) and start to teasing me? I mean I notice that she was playing with me, obviously I did not force anything, she refuses to take her bra when I tried, so I continued kissing her for a while, tried again after a couple of minutes and again...then after like 15 minutes she told me that she needed to go home...she told me "I love to tease you" after that and I felt like a total idiot.

2)The same girl started acting like this: I met a friend of age and she grab my arm when I talked to her ... then this girl said " I didnt like that, bla bla and I didnt know if you are deserving to go out with me today bla bla. I told her she is being childish and she said she was just kidding. But she already did this 3 times with different topics and obviously she is not kidding and is trying to manipulate me. How should I act with this kind of girl? I managed to FC her but after a while she dumped me and I felt that It was because I was weak with her.

3) How should I react when I have a disappointing sexual performance? This happened 1 time with me ( with a different girl) and I felt like I lost all the control of the interaction with the girl after that. Should I apology? Pretend nothing happened? She did not criticized me or looked upset but I think that I lost my confidence with this girl because after that I felt like she started to dominate the relationship and I am anxious about the next time we will make sex.

Sorry about the english and thanks.

Hi Phantom

I've kinda psycho analyzed myself over all these years and found one main deep issue that seems to relate to everything - my lack of self -esteem

Most of my issues are related to low self esteem – not feeling that I am worth enough …this is probably due to years of being put down and told 'Im “selfish, greedy, untrustworthy, not a good person etc” from the person I looked up to the most – my father. This cannot be changed and my fathers attitude towards me cannot be changed either...so whatever the reason..I dont care...I want to move on and fix the issue.

- Self-esteem issues – if I am unable to value myself or love myself how can I expect another to?
- Insecurity issues - not believing I am good enough – always expecting people to think the worst of me
- Neediness – not believing I am good enough and needing another individual to feel whole/complete
- Awkward body language and stance – due to not believing I am worth the space I am taking up, feel like I need an excuse to be there
- When in a group , feel as If I don’t belong , that I’m lucky to have the opportunity for people to want to spend time around a person like me
- Always thinking others are of a higher value as a person then me, this comes out in the way I talk , the way I act and my need to please
- Not knowing who I truly am or my identity – always needing to find out who I am from others
- Always over thinking every interaction with another person– positive or negative

It is quite apparent that almost all of my issues stem from my severe lack of self esteem.

Ignoring why it happened and why it shouldn't have etc…..no crying over spilled milk…..I want to fix my self esteem issues.

What is the best way to go about this?

Hi Phantom,
Firstly, you're awesome. I have gone through these posts and I must say that there is credibility in whatever knowledge you're giving to us. Your posts have made me feel much more confident about myself. Thank You.

I have a few questions though, I'd be glad if you'd assist me too.

1) Whenever I go out,anywhere, college or parties, I always go with this feeling like I'm the boss and like just generate some positive vibes in myself. But, people tell me that I think way too much of myself and that I'm cocky and sometimes rude as well who is egoistic. Basically, how do I control this?

2) To be honest, I haven't had much success with women. I'm still a virgin but I am not shy or anything or I don't feel like I can't go and talk to a girl. I have had a pretty good social life. But, I am never able to understand why am I not able to engage in an emotional connection with any girl? I mean, I am not able to assess myself. I believe I am attractive, and that I am the prize when it comes to the girl. The only reason I wanna learn pick up is not only to have success with women, but also develop a strong personality and lifestyle.

3) Okay, I have been talking to this girl(HB8) and I don't wanna fuck this up. She's good to talk to and there's more to her that meets the eye. I wanna basically build a flirtatious vibe everytime I talk to her. Sometimes, the talk is too deep and I'm being nice to her, and I have this instant feeling that am I getting friendzoned? Now, we flirt sometimes so I believe that kinda shit is not there, but how do I always engage the flirtatious vibe, a sexual tension so that she would want me more?

Thanks Phantom,

Sonic

Hey Phantom, I'm still kind of new to the forum and still little unsure how to help myself, so...

I'd like to ask: How can a man truly succeed in life, with being social, work, and especially with women, if he doesn't believe in himself? How can he start to do the opposite which is BELIEVE, and say positive things to himself, rather then negative all the time?

For me as a person...every.single.day I am just so damn hard on myself. I punish myself emotionally for not being a success with women, for not being the social Alpha Male, and that also ends up affecting my grades in school...since I literally spend too much time torturing myself. It's like...I try to read the information here but it just doesn't *click*. I read it and go:

"The very fact I'm even reading about this stuff...and NOT having already known it my whole life and especially throughout high school...makes me a real loser =/" or "Other guys already do this with other women...guess there's just no room for me to improve at all =/" and that's how I feel. It's like an endless circle I put myself in.

I wish I could be like some of the awesome guys on here, have a bad day one day and then the next just be totally fine or even better. But I KNOW if I had some real, hard earned success with girls I'm interested in, it'd **really** make me happy and (finally) confident in myself...and it depresses me how I'm not there...

Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this...