Hey guys,

I have been into PUA for 1.5 years now. I have read a lot, approached several times, had mitigated results and still looking into improving my game. There are times where things could have worked out, but the logistics were against me. No big deal, at least I know I can have some success (to be honest, I would consider myself as a 5/6 - of course, I don't aim for 8+, but more in the 6/7 category).

Reading about game has really opened my eyes and I have improved my social skills. Sure, I still haven't managed to get a gal but I am working on it

So, after several failed approaches/dates, I have been thinking about what went wrong. I usually meet girls at friends' parties or meetups. I think that my problem has been that I have been coming too strong when there was no attraction. I am good at building comfort but I fall short on attraction. I am working on kino right now, but there's a theory I have come up with. From what I have experienced, when the girls doesn't show any IOI during the first encounter, then there's little hope to make her feel attracted to you (unless you are super good-looking). On the other hand, if she is into you, even if you make mistakes, she will be forgiving. If you follow all the PUA advice, then things should go smoothly

In a nutshell, my theory is that if she isn't attracted from the beginning, then it is hopeless. You can climb the Everest, cure cancer or become the President of the USA, nothing will change. Sure, you can build attraction by improving your appearance, inner and outer game, but if she doesn't fall for you in the beginning, then it's over. I have tried my luck with quite a number of girls I have met at parties or meetups (and with whom we had a fun time). For those that didn't show any IOIs, I either never got a reply to my sms or things ended after the first date. For those that showed IOIs at any given time, I have managed to secure several dates (logistics were against me and things didn't go any further).

I have read DeAngelo's book "attraction is not a choice" and have understood the whole concept. Yet, I have this impression that I should not waste my time with chicks that don't seem interested from the beginning. I should normally move to the next target.

I just wanted to get the opinion of the most experienced guys here. Do you agree/disagree? How did it work out for you?

Please bear in mind that I am a 5/6. I am realistic enough to know I will not create a "wow" impression with my looks but I have at least a charming personality. I try to even the odds with that but I know there are limits to what I can do.

I number-closed 2 HBs yesterday at a meetup (met them for the first time ever). One was nice and friendly (but she seemed to be like that with everyone). The other one played with her hair during the interaction (but then again, it means nothing at all - then again, she did ask if I want to join her and her friends for dinner but I was good and I declined).
Considering the lack of explicit interest (like it was the case with the 2-3 chicks whom I knew they liked me and with whom things could have worked), I am wondering whether I should meet these 2 new chicks. I could be a waste of time after all...

PS: FYI, I am not into ONS, I just want a relationship.

UPDATE: Ok, I googled the name of one of the chicks I met. Turns out she is the co-founder of the local branch of an international movement against street harassment. Is that a red flag or what? I am always cautious of active feminists...

Adopting the mindframe that 'everything is an IOI' would be beneficial for you.

Assume the girl is into you. You seem quite analytical which is a good thing for after the fact but I get the sense that you may be analyzing the sets while you are in them. Save the analysis for later and rather try to go with the natural flow and assume attraction. Hope that helps you.

This.

_________________
"My toughest opponent is always myself"
Musterion's Journal

Sure, I understand that a positive mind-frame makes more pleasant and attractive as a person.

On the other hand, I cannot count the number of times I got burned thinking a girl was into me. I want to avoid that from now on (moreover, it's kind of embarrassing - the city I live in is not huge and I keep meeting people with whom we have common friends). I will be labelled as a creep if this keeps going...
Also, I don't like getting my hopes up for nothing. That's the worst feeling ever and believe me, it hurts. I like to compare this to a starved dog to which you show a juicy piece of meat. It starts wagging its tail and acting all happy, but then you take the meat away. How would the poor dog feel? Well, I feel the same with gals...

My point is to have a more realistic approach and only game those chicks with whom I stand some chance. Things always went fine when there were IOIs, and things always went wrong when I tried to force things (when I say "force", I simply mean asking her out when there is no attraction). I am perfectly fine with the idea that I will not be attractive to many women. It's just that I don't want to waste my time anymore and only focus on what might actually work.

In conclusion, you can become more attractive with effort, but if she doesn't find you attractive from the start, then you need to move on IMO. No amount of game will make her change her mind. It's a lost cause. That's what my personal experience tells me at least.

Feel free to disagree though

If you don't feel enough attraction is there to ask them out, don't ask them out and build more attraction.

Right now you seem to be too concerned with what other people think of you, this I think is what's holding you back, even more so than not having the "everything is an IOI" mentality.
This defeatist attitude is gonna bring the results that you've been getting with it. There is no reason what-so-ever why someone who isn't initially attracted to you, can't become more attracted to you later on and even if after a little extra effort they don't, who gives a shit, you're in exactly the same position as you were before. If you do nothing however, you're always going to end up with nothing.

_________________
"My toughest opponent is always myself"
Musterion's Journal

I 100% agree with the last poster that you seem to be a bit concerned with what others think of you. Walk around with the non-cocky swag that you are already whole and complete.

Assuming that everything is an IOI is all about not giving a fuck what other people think of you because you already know that you have so much to offer and you get to pick and choose which women get to enjoy you sharing some of your VALUABLE time with them.

Turn the tables and look inward at all you have to offer, and it's a lot. Rather than seeking approval you need to know that you already have everything you need and a woman is so fortunate that you even decided to spend a few moments of your time to see if she's cool enough to hang with you. /inner game rant off.