ey guys,

Recently i've had a number of girls flaking on me. While there may be a valid reason behind it (the voice in my head can't help but say it's me) generally, I believe if a girl flakes and she really wants to see you she will try to organize a day to get together again but I reliaze men are supposed to do the work so I don't wait for that to happen.

A few little flake stories;

#1: Met a great girl a a friends 21st, built attraction to a very high level, texted the next day for a bit to build some comfort, then called her the next day to arrange a meet up for later in the week. We were scheduled to meet Thursday, she canceled the day before because she had an eye infection, which also made her cancel plans for a birthday party she was going to with one of my best buddies that weekend so i didn't doubt her in that instance.

Same girl, on Monday flaked on me. Eye infections aside, I messaged her Sunday night for a meet up, we had a brief but very emotionally spiked conversation that ended with; "Ps i bet you will do that cheeky smile you do when you read this message" her reply: "hehehe you will never know xx ill message you tomorrow" now she was waiting on a call from work around lunchtime to figure out if she had work afternoon (she is a shift worker), she lets me know she cant make it... i say hey thats no big deal. whats your schedule like the rest of this week? - to try and find out when i can meet her, she says it varies as it's shift work, i then come back with alright I'm pretty busy most weeks although Monday/Tuesday is my day off (more or less not worded that way though) and then i didn't get a reply.

Things i noticed with this - when we do chat, it's very light and flirty/fun, but not over explicit sexually. I know she's attracted to me. Then come time to try meet up, things become either stale, or I feel like she is going to flake. (Like what i said earlier, she could actually just've been called into work, but I'm wondering why she didn't try to initiate a reschedule (she said well have to raincheck) but didnt actually hint at when she was free when i asked about it.

Theres a few more stories (i have had 2 in the last week flake) - ive got an arrary of options, so im not pining up on one girl but i would like to iron this flaw in my game out so that i can get girls out on dates more effectively.

I am a strong believer of this as well. You can text and build digital rapport all you want, but in the end, what do you have to show for yourself right?

Having said that, I think you did all you could to take the situation in stride.

Also, assuming this girl is pretty young? Her lack of experience may have lead her in a defensive mode, expecting you to be more proactive (Honestly, I don't think this is the case if shes good looking. Most 19-21 years olds are addicted to attention).
I'd be interested to hear somebodys take on ways to prevent flakes...but sometimes its just not your week/month/day. I think you can chalk this one up as bad timing/circumstances on HER end.

I've had situations like this as well and sometimes you give it enough time in-between and she's kind of changed her mind. Who knows what happened? Maybe she broke it off with her man, maybe there was somebody she was dating, but he ended up being a douche. Could be anything, but anything is possible if the attraction is there, which you've indicated.

Next time, maybe ease the pressure of a "date" a little bit and just suggest a quick coffee. Often times I'll tell the person I'll be in the area for a few hours (to see an aunt, for example) and it would be cool to grab a coffee. Most of the time the girl is cool with an hour or two because she knows she can get out if it sucks. Same goes for you. Just have a clear OUT on this coffee date because its less threatening...and this may lead to a lower percentage of flakes, but who knows with these crazy women.

Good luck man

To that last bit, that's my thoughts to. The second time she flaked, I had work at 4 and proposed to meet at 2-2.30 so that it was a short window. I usually just suggest coffee/hang out in the sun if it's a nice day, if not just coffee. However ive come across something called the 'false choice' and im going to try that next time.

Sounds like you're pushing her into a high pressure situation. You're establishing you're interested in her in your messages and forwardness. She can see this as clear as the sun on a cloudless day. She gets nervous and flakes. She may like you but she's not ready to jump into something that's 100% if she commits to meeting up. Each time you push to meet up when there's pressure you're driving her attraction to you down. That's not to say give up or freeze her out but rearrange something a bit more casual and work towards having her come out with you for a few drinks for the night.

You need to tone down the meet up, make it more friendlier and about having fun, not about hooking up. That's too much pressure and intimidating for most people... Hell, even as a guy you'd get a bit nervous if a girl you liked wanted to meet up and mess around for the first time. You'd feel nervous but, being a guy, wouldn't flake.

I've had this problem myself and it sucked. I soon realised I was basically being impatient. The girl would throw me a bone, let me know she liked me and i'd run a mile with it right there and then. Obviously it scared the shit out of them and made them nervous so they flaked. I changed that, waited in between the first few rubbish messages to them and arranging to meet up.

Just be patient but persistent. If you're impatient and persistent you're not doing yourself any favours.

Couldn't have said it better myself. Also don't keep asking her while she keeps flaking, wait awhile before asking her out again so you don't become the guy that she keeps rejecting.

Thanks for the input, you've made me aware of something that I could be doing.. could you point out in this instance what im doing that is acting too pressurizing? I had only setup a coffee/hang out in the sun which to me doesn't seem like a 'hook up' scenario.. could you elaborate?

thanks