Hey firstly my girlfriend has aspergers. ( fears confrontations, needs to have a plan and stick to it, feels awkward in social situations, can be confused) She arranged to go out with a girl from work and a topless male waiter, this topless male waiter is her friends ex. Her friend has told her current boyfriend hes not allowed out. (red flag i feel like this girl is persuading my gf) I didn't want to go out, until she told me that there going around this guys house, and there will be his mates there too (2-4) single guys. I rang her and said I want to come out she said okay but in a weird way so I said just be honest, she said she would rather me not be there.

Instantly this made me upset and paranoid wen I told her this she said i didn't trust her I finally got her to realize how wrong what she is doing she agreed she wouldn't do it to me. But she still went out knowing what she was doing to me.

I left the house n haven't been back for 2 days she has texted me telling me she's sorry and left answer phone messages. I now with her autistic ways she finds it hard to see the big picture but she did see it and still choose single men that she doesn't now over me.

I feel this situation is not completely black and white, i now she has social issues with her aspergers, but she even knowing that it was wrong, still went and hurt me, i need to come to terms with it (as i think im still in shock that she chose them over me.) and I will give her time to explain, but i need to make my mind up If i can forgive her, as every body makes mistakes one way or another.

I feel like she could of easily picked up the phone, and changed her plans to, my boyfriend is coming, or we can meet you out in town at XX hours, to me this is very easy to do, and i would do it for her, but yet again i would never get my self into a situation like this, and i think quote normal people unquote wouldn't do this to there partner, she may feel completely innocent, and see nothing wrong, but i did explain and she did get it, but she still do it, is she scared of upsetting her friend, and thinks she can deal with the confrontation off me, easier than letting her friend down, I don't now i cant read her thoughts i can only speculate.

Should I forgive her? Thanks for your time

0 advice? ?

Relax. You both sound young. You're dating somebody who is autistic and might not handle all situations perfectly. Forgive her and work on your oversensitivity.

If you were married and older, I would give a different response.

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She sent me a letter explaining how sorry she is, and feels really bad about it, and it will never happen again.

her last paragraph says:

Please understand why i have sent you this letter- i think it would be better to get this situation resolved what ever the outcome might be. I love you but can't be with you if you don't trust me. its' not healthy for me and its not healthy for you either. I only have both of our best interests at heart here.

Personally i feel like, she made the trust issue, and now if i can't get over it she ' can't ' be with me.

Am i over analyzing this?

You ask a question in a forum.
Nobody replies, so you bump the thread.
Somebody replies and you completely ignore their response and ask another question related to the first.

It sounds like both of you struggle with social skills. Would you be upset if I refused to forgive you? Try putting yourself in her shoes and understand her reasoning for doing what she did. It might not be right but it sounds like she was just navigating the situation the best she could given her current challenges.

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well that's true. Thank you for your responses, i just feel like going a bit mental, yes you are right we and young, and she does struggle with situations.

But i never thought she would choose single guys and her friend over me, in any situation ever.

that's what hurts the most i have 2 choices really don't I

Forgive her and tell her if anything like this happens again im leaving her.

Leave her a and have a gamble that ill find some one better.

It's just nice to hear other peoples out ward look on the situation because i now love can u twist you up.

thanks any for taking your time to read my RL problem and have an input into it.

1. You guys are young. When people are young they like to go out with friends and party, regardless of whether they have autism or not. When I was younger every time I was in a relationship I wanted more time to go out and have fun without a ball and chain, that's just how it is. Your gf is probably feeling similar. It's natural, and you have to get over it. Tell her it's fine to hang out with her friends but her hanging out with a bunch of single guys at their house is unacceptable, and make it clear that you will leave her if she ever does something like this again. Period.

2. Just cause she hung out with them doesn't mean she "chose" them over you. No need to make this more dramatic than it really is. She was having a good time with new people.

3. Stop thinking of leaving her as a "gamble". Man up and tell yourself that you deserve what you want. And that this is unacceptable. Get over the fear of being single. That's your biggest challenge right now dude.

Thsnks for your reply.
I went round and told her I love her and forgive her. She said she cant do it any more and left me.

Sorry to hear. I honestly don't blame her. For you, it's a good learning experience and an opportunity to learn and grow. Go out there and meet new girls. Not sure how old you are but if I were you, I would focus less on getting in a relationship and spend more time dating lots of different girls. You'll learn a lot more from it and be able to settle down when you're older.

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