I went on a date recently, f-closed and we decided to make plans to do the same the following weekend. She seemed just as keen to hang out again as she did prior to the first date however we didn’t confirm any plans, but it turned out she was busy and didn’t have enough time to hang out and stay at my place again. But she also told me she was seeing another guy that weekend. Anyway we decided to hang out the following weekend instead but the following week she tells me she’ll be busy again and she is going on another date with the same guy because apparently it’s the last chance he’ll have to see her for a few weeks. She asked if this bothered me, apologised and told me she still might have time to see me as well. (Seeing two guys in one day? That’s probably too open). I played it down and said maybe another time. And then she told me she was relieved I wasn’t mad but if I was ‘the makeup sex would be hot’.

Then she started chatting about sex while I became kind of annoyed because I realised if we had already agreed to hang out twice why would she then tell him the same thing? Regardless of whether or not he was going away, she agreed to hang out with me first but made plans to see him instead. So I chose to freeze her out despite her last message telling me to ‘dominate’ her.

It’s been almost a week now, but I’m surprised she hasn’t messaged me since she’s the one who usually initiates contact. What should I do now?

Find a new slut that's not so full of man juice.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

It's not oneitis, I have multiple options but preferably would like to continue banging this one too.

Then simply wait, or hit her up with a DTF? message.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

I think you have come to the point of being a bit too much involved. You care too much about fucking her. But you aint gonna fuck her if you stay mad and keep on freezing her out.

I would threat her the way she is threating you (and there is nothing wrong with that): as an option. So, play your options. send her a text if she is willing to go, but keep in mind that its only an option. If something better comes up, go for that. If not, take her. if she flakes, make sure you have a backup, perhaps a place to go to and pick up somebody else.

I know its not onitis (yet) but still, you care to much about continuing to fuck this one.

If you dont know what to send, i would start by wondering what happened with that good makeup sex.

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"Stop being a fucking vagina and escalate" - CaptainJackHarkness

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.
placebo - every me, every you

Yeah this is what I was thinking, although I'm not sure if (or how) I should make it obvious that she's only one of many options. She doesn't know I'm seeing other women so I think she finds it acceptable to be flakey. Should I show her that if she's going to waste my time and make plans with other guys despite having already agreed to a time to hang out with me that I can do the same? Should I have let her known that I was annoyed? I was a bit confused as hanging out with another guy despite already making plans to hang out with me at the same time I thought was a huge IOD but everything else I was getting prior to freezing her out were IOIs. I found it weird how she even suggested we hang out on the same day as this other guy.

Hey mate,

look, she is fucking other guys, she was pretty forward about it. You feel a bit used, especially because you were put aside that quickly. I can understand, really I do.

But I think the real question is: what is it that you really want?
Do you really want to make her clear that you think it is rude to change plans on the fly and put people aside that quickly? If that is your real motivation, by all means, tell her you think it is a bit rude and not done. then ask her for that hot makeup sex.

Or perhaps your ego ahs got a pinch because you feel like you have been played? And so you want to do something back to perhaps pinch her ego, to fix yours, and perhaps you secretely want her to be more attracted to you again, so she wouldn't put you aside anymore. So you would try any trick , no effort too much to show her that this entire situation doesn't effect you at all... i hope you see the paradox here.... and also think about this: you would go to so much trouble to make her clear that she is only another option for you. Do you think it would make any difference? Do you really think she will be effected by that?

i think its best is to learn from this. Don't let it effect you that much, and be clever with it. I know its easier said then done, but anything else isn't going to change squat. you know she is quite forward, you know that she would put you aside for something better, but on the other hand, she might also be a fuck. So it is how it is and you deal with it. How? by playing your options yourself.

cheers mate!

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"Stop being a fucking vagina and escalate" - CaptainJackHarkness

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.
placebo - every me, every you

Thanks for the response man. I don't care that she is seeing other guys, I have other options too but I think it would be a bit beta allowing her to think I don't mind being put aside after we've already made plans. I might do that.


What I found odd was that she continued being really forward and apart from putting me aside she was still showing IOIs. I wouldn't go to any trouble, my opinion is that if she wants to hang out again it's up to her otherwise I'm making no effort at all but I was wondering if she does make an effort if should let her know I have other options and won't be prepared to make plans with her if she feels it's okay to put me aside whenever a better option comes along. Does that make sense?

Just want a few opinions on how to handle this now. I don't want to fall into a repeated cycle of sleeping together, flaking, and freezing her out. I'd like to date her regularly and not have to worry about my plans with other women being stuffed up.

I reinitiated contact with her online last week but we haven’t texted for over two weeks. I negged her more and she was showing IOI’s and mentioned she is keen to go on another date when she has time. She also asked why I wasn't using terms of endearment anymore and said she missed them. She told me she had been busy and her time hasn’t been as exciting as mine. And then I told her blowing me off caused me to miss out on another date and I was almost left with limited options but everything worked out awesome. I also told her I would be too busy to see her until next month. Then she apologised for almost messing up my weekend and told me she was glad I had an amazing time anyway and she was disappointed she has to wait. I’m freezing her out again because I don’t know what to say. I was going to call her out and say this:

“Meh, it worked out for me. Your time might/(would?) have been more exciting if you didn’t change plans. :P
But making plans with him after we decided to hang out that weekend was lame, if he couldn’t find time for you that was his problem, not mine. It meant he saw you again within a week and as a result we’re still yet to hang out a month later. Bit jealous that he’s probably fucked you more times than I have now. Telling me you’d find time for me and ‘can’t wait to see me/kiss/have sex again” and then finding time for multiple dates with someone else and putting me aside so you could see him made me think you blew me off and your words were empty. And you stopped messaging me after your date so you went to the back of the line and I lost interest until I read your profile again. If that bothers you hot make up sex might be a possibility but if you blow me off again I’ll lose interest. :P”

She also said my other options sounded nice anyway. So I was going to say “They were lame in comparison to spending time with you or a date with a sexy lady at her beach house. But I’m glad my weekend was better than any of those and any dates with both of you.”

Do you guys think that’s too insecure or needy? I think it shows that flaking is unacceptable, she missed out on having a good time and if she blows me off again I have other options and won’t give her another chance.

YES.

You're just like those guys that say, "What can I say that'll convey 'that'll show her'?" Silence is the best response. One of you is drowning here and it's not her.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

What did you think about the first example?

I don't think that is the case. I think it's more "What can I say that will be productive?" Silence in this instance isn't going to help. I don't want to fall into a repeated cycle of sleeping together, her flaking, and freezing her out. She wants to see me again and I'd like to date her regularly if I don't have to worry about my plans with other women being stuffed up. I don't want her to continue to think I'm cool with her flaking. Apart from being flakey she still seems keen and is genuinely busy, she bought up the topic of another date and 'hopes it happens.' I wasn't happy about being put aside for a better option, and I think she see's me as another option. Since we don't share a social circle or anything I thought making her aware I have other options might help. Maybe that's better left unsaid? But what did you think was wrong with the first example?

I saw a bit of relevant advice for somewhere else:

"You have to be a man with standards. Eventually she will care and that's when you start to show her that things she does upset you. If you built enough attraction that she takes you walking away as a loss in her life then definitely call her on it.

Being "cool" about everything only teaches her that you're COOL with everything. She will definitely take advantage and flake. She will go on a date with a guy she KNOWS will walk away if she messes up than with you because she knows "you'll be cool" about it.

You've already slept with her so you have all the rights to do this. Tell her simply "I don't associate myself with people that behave that way." This totally cuts her off of your fun reality and her heart will drop since she is no longer welcome into your clubhouse. (Best clubhouse in the city mind you)

So I think everyone needs to STOP being COOL about everything and show that she upsets you. Just don't turn into a spazoid."

If you other options why the fuck do you even care about her so much

Creating scenarios in your mind of what to tell her. I know it hurts the ego. But you have to let it go.

Basically for her - you're the last resort for an orgasm rather than using a vibrator.

So what you need to do is stop thinking about it and keep her as your last option. Things would be easier for you and prevent you from saying anything dumb and come off as needy.

Try this if it works - If you're making plans with her for the weekend on monday for example. Try giving her a booty call say maybe friday / saturday night and see if she wants to fuck. Say you're around her area so you could pick her up and destroy her for being a bad girl (use your domination talk here. Try to get things hot. DON'T TEXT. CALL !!

And please please don't tell her how your date was with other women.
She knows you're bluffing and will play you more.