So my situation is that my new girlfriend (only been dating 5 weeks) had a discussion 1-2 weeks ago about how it could be a problem going out to bars/clubs with friends & excluding each other. She agreed that it could be an issue & I thought that she was agreeing that she wouldn't be that way.

Well, this weekend her friends from college are coming into town, she made plans to go out with them & to exclude me for the whole weekend. I felt that she went against something that we already agreed on & the fact that she didn't invite me to go with her, meet her people, & even after the club I wasn't invited to come over, this didn't seem right. I asked her why I wasn't invited & she says "because it's only going to be ladies" & a guy friend in which she isn't sure if he is gay or not. She told me that I seem to be both controlling & insecure because I didn't like this. I ended up giving her an ultimatum that if she went against how I felt about the situation, I couldn't continue on with the relationship. She cried & told me how much she really liked me & I expressed the same feelings to her.

After the conversation, we continued to talk on the phone for about 3 hrs as usual or until she started to fall asleep & it ended in a calm manner. Keep in mind that I never showed that I was angry about this situation & made that clear to her.

I guess my questions are:

1. Is this normal to feel that it's wrong for a woman to be out clubbing & excluding me or saying that I can't go with her & her friends?

2. Does this really make me all that insecure / controlling?

3. I still care about her & think that maybe I shouldn't end it this soon. How should I go about calling her to apologize & getting her back (or should I even bother)?

Would appreciate the advice on this issue. Thanks...

Hello mate!

I feel for you, this is not an easy situation to be in.

So why I write you is because I was the last 10 years in different relationships,
so to this degree I have experience of that time.

There is the concept that you should think about is: do you have the feeling she likes you? do you have the feeling she is in love with you? If she didn't have feelings for you, would she be crying because of your ultimatum? So you probably will think, she does have feelings for me. From my point of view this is very probably the case.

Now if she has feelings for you and she is going out with her best friends, is there anything to be worried about? If you had feelings for a girl, you go out without her, is there anything at all she would have to worry about?

At some point you have to let go and trust that she is really into you. Then she won't do anything stupid. And, if she is not into you, better find out now then later.


1. Is this normal to feel that it's wrong for a woman to be out clubbing & excluding me or saying that I can't go with her & her friends?
It is normal to feel jealous, to be afraid that you loose a girl you have feelings for. IT IS NOT normal to think it is wrong for a woman going out without you (especially not as probably other guys are exluded too as it is a grils night out).

2. Does this really make me all that insecure / controlling?
confident guys don't think like that, to this degree yes

3. I still care about her & think that maybe I shouldn't end it this soon. How should I go about calling her to apologize & getting her back (or should I even bother)?
ASAP. you need to apologize, say this was a big MISTAKE on your side and IT ONLY HAPPEND BECAUSE YOU CARE SO MUCH FOR HER. most girls won't take you back, but there is hope

I appreciate your reply steve, but what makes you think that "most girls wouldn't take a guy back" in this case? I don't think that she would feel this way about it. I think that she would most-likely take me back due to the fact that she really liked/likes me. I was very calm & didn't come off as angry when I spoke to her about the situation. We went on to talk for 3 hrs (approximately) after talking about the issue with our normal conversations. Why do you feel that she wouldn't forgive me on this issue? Thanks again...

My statement was vague. She almost certainly has feelings for you, so there is good hope. A lot of girls could see this like a red flag, we are seeing each other for a few weeks and this guy tells me what to do. Going out with girls is perceived as normal and this guy tells me he is "excluded".

With an apology and saying it was a mistake and it was a mistake because you honestly care for her, I guess with this it can very well work.

That is very controlling, and reeks of insecurity.

You've been dating five weeks, just let her go out and have fun, if she is going to cheat, then she will cheat regardless of how you act. It's going to be a bad sign for her if you're acting like this after five weeks and that ultimatum reeks of insecurity and powerlessness.

Imagine what her friends will say when she inevitably tells them of your reaction?

Going out with her friends is normal.

You shouldn't have any issues with this. If she's going to cheat on you, then consider that trustworthy feedback that you need to fix either of two things: (1) your bedroom skills; or (2) the vibe you give off around her.

When girls take out special meals for you after ladies' night outs and sleepover to ride your cock, you're doing great. Based on several experiences, the ideal scenario is when the girl is so excited to finish the night out or sneaks out early to bang with you and brings you a hot, expensive meal takeout. You'll know. She'll keep on texting or calling you while she's with her friends.

To check if she cheated on you, eat her pussy. If it tastes like semen, strawberry flavored condom or it's newly washed, then that's all of the clue(s) you'll ever need.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

You are being insecure and you are pushing her away.

It shouldn't bother you especially ONLY after 5 weeks.

I bet if you didn't react this way what would have happened is she would go out get drunk and call you to go meet her or she'll just come meet you.

Totally over reacted there dude.

Learn from it and don't repeat the same mistake

...

You can't expect the two of you to hang out every night, alone, together. This is not only a chance for you to do something fun with your guy friends, but also an opportunity for her to prove herself to you. If she's faithful, hey! You get to continue the relationship! If she's not, well, you just saved yourself a ton of money in the long run. You will also be more particular about the next girl, which will only help you reel in a girl better poised to be with you.

Win-win.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Since you have quoted that paragraph and marked in bold that clause, I've realized that some guys might get the execution wrong. The gist is to eat the girl's pussy first for several minutes before you even insert your penis in the vagina. This way, your cheat test will be more reliable.

Incidentally, I fuck for several rounds. In between rounds when my dick goes limp, I eat pussy until I get hard again. In most instances, I get to taste my own cum.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html