I broke up with my 3y GF a month ago cos she said she was not sure of what she wanted and was talking with another guy. I contacted her and we stayed friends (my mistake) some weeks ago. She shows iois when we talk and I am sensing that she might be trying to keep me as a back-up plan.

I feel that I could move on and forget about her easily if I met up with her and ask the direct question: "Things are happening right now in my life and I think I would like to hear from you this: Are you sure that we have done the best thing amd this is what you want?".

With her reply, I could have the strength to never look back as there is no chance of getting back, and at the same time, she becomes clearly the only reason why the past fantastic relationship is past. After this I would never contact her again, and leaving her with the guilt would make her make a move if she is really in love with me, and given the chance I would recover all my power back by deciding what I want.

I know that this might be bad in the short run as I am giving her back the power to decide but in the long run if she feels something for me it will make her think that its all her fault and that she must pursue, and then I might not want to go back with her.

That's a horrible idea.

Show some self respect Bro. unfortunately you are being taken for a fool. It's unfair the way she is treating you. So why the fuck would you want to kiss HER ass?

You sound like a really nice, caring guy, you don't deserve to be treated this way. There are so many hotter better girls out there. You'll be a little heart-broken for a few weeks but you will get over it.

Just think of all his unborn future children drying up on her chin as you were typing this up!

She deserves NOTHING!

Don't try to tell her the kind of man she will be missing! SHOW HER! Walk the fuck down the road, leave her standing in her own shit!

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

I totally agree, but don't you think that she doesn't deserve thinking that it's not all her fault and that I am there as a back-up plan? If she has to be direct and say that she doesn't want anything and then I just answer "Ok": 1) I can forget her easily knowing there is not a come back which is what she deserves 2) She now is not sure that I am there if she needs me, and will never talk to her again.

I am sorry if I am very persistent with this problem.. I know I made mistakes as this is my first girlfriend and it lasted almost 4 years.. But I want to learn from this.

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option!!

Do you want her back?
Do you just want to fuck her again?

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Right now I am plan b I understand, I would like to make it clear for her that I will no longer be there if she really wants this..

How could I get her bavk or fuck her again?

You reserve yourself to the fact that you likely won't get her back, and truly not care.

Only communicate in a sexual manner.

Talk dirty to her, make it clear exactly what you would do to her if you got together.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

I have these doubts..

If I communicate to her aren't I showing interest? which would make me become more of a back-up plan for her, as she knows she got me controlled. If she doesnt take well my initiative of sex she might just win more power over me.

Wouldn't it affect me more emotionally than her if we got to fuck? As she is the one that is not "sure" and I am sure.

And wouldn't it create more attraction if after her relationship-slaughtering answer I became no contact forever until she misses me or not? in that case I would have done best too.

Only chance you have is by severing the current attachment (moving on) and her reflecting on herself. Either way its win win by moving on. You'll likely even realize she's not what you want.

Why do you want her back? She's fucking this other guy. You've already fucked her a thousand times. You know who you need to fuck? The girl you admired while you were with your girlfriend. I know there's one. You met her and thought, "If I didn't have a gf, I'd fuck her..." What's SHE doing?

You've been tossed out into the cold and you want to be someplace warm. She's the only option you see with your limited vision, but there's nothing for you there. Explore and see what's out there.

Stop talking to her. Start working out, meeting new people, being more aggressive at work. When your life has improved (and it will), wait for her to text you. When she begs for you to come back, take a screenshot, blow it up, and have it framed on your bedroom wall.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Completely true, I am on that path and have been since we broke up, have been going to the gym grown a beard a new incredible job party with new people and i am a much more interesting fun and funnier person. I told her yesterday that there are things happening in my life and I want to be 100% free in my mind so I would like her to tell me directly and harshly that she doesn't want anything with me, which she did. I am really happy and ready to move on, she then asked me id i wanted to continue as friends, as she still cares a lot for me and would feel really bad if I didnt want to be her friend.

Since we broke she has not tried to contact me to see how things were going or worry about me. I told her that it doesnt make sense being friends as I have beem the only one contacting her. She continues to push me to answer YES or NO, if I want to be her friend or not.

If I say yes im seen as a back-up pussy that she doesnt deserve and I cant be friends with a girl i like.
If I say no, which is probably what she would like as it takes respomsability away from her and makes me the only one that can initiate contact, I loose as i can seem angry or frustrated because of her loss.

I have only told her that I have done enough in all sense and that i cant hold any responsability, im not gonna decide for her.
I think the best option between yes or no is a silence, maybe if pressures a vague "We will see how it goes.."

What?

TL; DR.

An alcoholic can go on and on about how much he doesn't crave the drink, but all that matters is the days he accrues from abstaining from the shit. Same with you. This chick's an addiction. "You're right, I just need to..." No. Start counting the days you don't talk to her until you forget about her.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"