I think staying with a woman like this is inexcusable. Then you call her "baby", a term of endearment, in a letter of admonishment.

But if you want to stay with her, you should say to her face. "What you did was wrong. I can't be with you anymore." Then walk away.

If you are worth it to her, she will apologize and promise not to ever do anything like that again. If you are not worth it to her, she'll tell you goodbye and watch you walk away.

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I just can't believe it when this shit happens to guys.

Seriously? You would accept this? Don't let her ever guilt you into thinking it's okay or fine even if it's a gay friend. It's all down respect and having another guy sharing a bed with her shows zero respect for you in this relationship.

When I get into a relationship I lay down the rules before agreeing to being with them. I warn them straight up I won't accept any of that bullshit -- been there, went through it and won't be fooled again. I tell them if they act up like that i'm walking away, no dramatics, nothing. I'd just walk away as if I never met them and feel better off. If a chick actually tried to convince me to be okay with her sharing a bed with a guy I would flat out say no and not argue it, listen to her reasoning or anything. Just a straight up "No" and if she went ahead with it I would just break up with her.

This ties in with ladder theory aswell, it shows her she's not as high up on your list(ladder) as you are on hers and you are ready to replace her, which puts her into anxiety mode to try and raise her level on your list. Putting your foot down, standing for what you believe in and not being afraid to hold true to it only does you good in a relationship once it's not something fucked up and controlling(Like telling her she can't hang out with anyone).

Honestly, bro, dump her. When chicks do this shit they have no respect for your relationship. If she hasn't already, she's going to be fucking someone. If you don't respect your relationship, you don't respect your partner which means you're going to be more inclined to mess around with someone else.

Finally! I was losing hope in some of you.

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You sound like a cuck(Submissive guy that is controlled by his woman in every aspect of his life, tends to her every need and puts her ahead of her. Won't ever break up with the girl even if she's having a gangbang right on front of him making him watch)!

Don't ever text that rubbish to a chick ever again. It's weak. It's not even AFC. It's just weak and pathetic.

You have a problem with something she's doing and it's a valid problem that not many people would accept unless they just didn't give a fuck or were cucks. You bring it up in the lightest manner possible and then message her almost apologetically begging her not to upset you. That's all I see in your messages to her. And why even message her when it comes to this?

Grab your balls off the floor, call her up and say "Listen, i'm not standing for that shit anymore. If you do it again i'm walking away. It's not okay. It's disrespectful and I don't want to be with a woman who is going to do that." If she tries arguing it just say "I'm not arguing about this. That's where I stand. You do it and we're over." Don't shout or curse. Be calm about it, stern voice, say your piece and stick to your guns. Don't entertain an argument about it. It's where you stand and nothing is going to change that so don't waste time on it.

Honestly, you need to lay down the law before you're officially together. What happens with me is the girl asks me to be her boyfriend. When they ask and i'm interested i'll tell them flat up I have rules, I won't accept X, Y or Z behaviours or whatever because i'm not going to be in a relationship where a girl does things that make me uncomfortable. Then I tell them they can take it or leave it. I've never had a girl say no to me after that and it sets a precedent for the future of your relationship. You've established dominance, established your leadership qualities and indicated to her that she has to keep you happy in order to stay with you.

Don't call her baby when you're disciplining her. It softens the effect.

Unless you have a CCTV spy camera in her bedroom, you don't "know for a fact" that she didn't sleep with him. You're just believing what you want to believe. Play it safe, don't go mental.

If a girl I'm seeing exclusively starts acting up; eg. Getting too physical with other guys and giving them IOIs etc. I just soft next in a nice way. Eg. "If you want to go back to casual dating, I honestly don't mind. Just let me know either way". This leaves the door open for FB situation.

Not sure if this is the right advice for this guy. He is the one that is emotional over the situation. He's not ready for casual dating with this specific woman. He will be upset the moment he hears about her with another guy and it will mess up his ego.

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You need to keep it calm man. If you freak out and become needy it won't work out. It's better to show her you're willing to walk, and if she doesn't chase well man we all know what you have to do then.

Good. He needs a harsh lesson to turn his life around and escape the "women are scarce" mindset. All women are replaceable. Think of the hottest possible woman in the world. Your favourite actress or model. Imagine she is your live-in girlfriend. You soon discover she has morning breath every day, gets zits, farts, gets diarrhoea sometimes when she's dieting, burps and looks quite plain without makeup. She has a nssty attitude on her period. Just like any other woman. Thus, she is replaceable.

Then that's exactly why it's the wrong advice. Better advice would be to move on to another woman. Then he will realize that they are replaceable. Putting him in a situation where he ends up being hurt again is messed up. If you had a son, would you advise him to do something that will cause him further grief?

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Can you recommend how I would do this?
I like this angle, but I'm feeling really anxious here. You know the situation, I was on SPAM with her that night, so unless he crept back to her at 2am she didn't sleep with him.

I feel any anger lowers value. So my options are;

1. I found it really disrespectful what you did last night. I am really angry with you. I need some time to think. (at this point I cut off contact. If she starts to argue I say there is not going to be a debate, or this is not up for discussion.)

2. If you want we just be causal? I don't mind just let me know either way. (I think this is too needy, putting the ball in her court. I want to make it so needy. At the same time I am confident she is not aware how much she has hurt me over this. I still doubt that she is cheating.)

3. Is there anything I can say that doesn't result in a break up but maintains my value? I've been with a lot of women and she's not perfect, but she's better that the rest, we have plenty in common and I like being with her.

Another option;

In what world did you think it was acceptable that you would invite another man to your bed?! Look at from my perspective! You show no respect for this relationship. Why should I be with someone that does that??

Another option;

Wait for her contact and say, "I am really angry with you. I need some time to think." At this point cut off contact. This is the most true move.

What about, "Don't ever do that again. You understand me? Or this is over." I keep calm and we have a short conversation. She knows me

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Who writes texts like that? Come on dude, just show her how you feel short and sweet then cut it off. You are so afraid of losing her which is understandable. But really you are coming from a real scarcity mindset which is why you are wording these texts really strangely, like very formal. Do you talk like that to her?

How is that better advice? Moving onto another woman with all the baggage from a previous relationship? No! He needs to learn how to separate sex from love. Some women are only worth fucking, without the relationship. This girl is one of them. Hard partying girls who travel solo, go out drinking every weekend with or without you and do drugs do not make good girlfriends, but fucking them is awesome. He needs to learn how to fuck without getting so emotional about it and get better at recognising who is relationship material and who is just fuck material.

I've been through a terrible breakup with a woman a few years ago and I took the advice of going out with new women instead of putting a band-aid on a stab wound. That loss of the old one went away after the first new woman I had sex with. IMO, women that are in the pursuit of me treat me much better than the ones that have me. He should experience that and not want to go back to someone that has taken advantage of his trust, wasted his time, and possibly cheated on him. He will finally remember how he wants to be treated and never want to go back.

I'm pretty iffy on the Mode 1 theory in total, but I think you are inadvertently steering him into Mode 4 behavior.

But at the end of the day...we can just agree to disagree.

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Well, if that's the case, we're both wrong. If he is that emotionally fucked up by this one girl, he shouldn't fuck-buddy her OR fuck someone else. He should learn to be happy being himself by himself for himself without the need for a woman to validate him. Self-love is the path to enlightenment.

Dude. Just tell her you don't accept that action. Forget all the rest. Just say you don't accept it, you don't want your girlfriend doing it. End of. Seriously, it's not a complicated matter: You tell her no, don't argue your point or entertain her argument. She doesn't do it and if she does break up with her and move on.

Also, as everyone said it's as clear as day that you're afraid to lose this chick. You're obviously needy and sympathetic towards her. You probably let her do stupid shit all the time too just so you don't lose her. A woman can't respect a man like that.