So my girlfriend and I have been through a rough patch, but we recently just got through it a few days ago. Through the rough patch, she messaged her ex boyfriend from her hometown. He was her first love. She still has feelings for him or thinks about him from time to time. Apparently the boyfriend wants to get back with her but she is only trying to keep him as a friend or at least in her life (understandable with your first love). As of recent she has cut off all ties with him because it is straining her ego and she doesn't like how he isn't willing to be apart of her life somehow and she is tired of the rejection. She has told him that she has a boyfriend and she is willing to be friends. But guess he doesn't want that.



What should I make of this? I feel like I can trust her, she has been good to me so far. Of course, i can't get too comfortable, always improving myself and whatnot . Should I not give this a second thought? She has only recently told me she loved me after I told her I loved her.

~Assertive

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Has she always been truthful with you? I'd monitor the situation closely, but as of right now I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.

She hasn't proven me wrong so far. She's a good girl, but she's still a girl, and girls go with their emotions most of the time. I think I will monitor it but I think the rough patch was the cause of the rekindling of the flame. We are through that, should be happy trails for now.

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Girls always look at past relationships with rose-tinted glasses (even abused women remember "the good times" with their abusers).

You could run Strawman if she brings him up a lot. Next time she mentions him, get her phone out and say "Hey I should give him a call now and tell him how much you keep talking about him". She'll get the message.

Keep her on her toes and don't take shit from her. Palm her off on her girlfriends when you're going through rough patches and you can hang with the boys to get space from her too, to clear your head.

At the moment it seems harmless. She just wants emotional support from an unthreatening needy wet blanket.

I guess you're right. Nice example with the abused women, reminded me that girls tend to overlook the negative, even in an abusive relationship.

I think that's a good idea. Just let the girlfriend help her out during the rough patch. As of now, we are past it, but helpful for the future.

And it does seem harmless, but I think she hasn't been completely over him. She did mention that she thinks about him from time to time. So I guess I should just let that run it's course. It also seems that the guy isn't really needy. The guy doesn't want to be in her life unless they can be more than friends. I can see how that really messes with her mind. Any thoughts Hunter_Foxe? I think this too, has to run its course.


Reminds of the time I broke up with my first girlfriend. I broke up with her and cut all ties with her. Sometimes I met up with and hooked up with her but reassured her that we wouldn't get back together. She kept being emotional after we stopped hooking up, even refriended me on Facebook. Took her about a year though to fully get over me. We haven't talked since.

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Invest less with every mention of her ex-boyfriend. If he comes up in conversation, without you even bringing him up, that's a red flag.

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Is this a joke? Monitor the situation? Be understanding of a first love?

I hate to sound like the asshole here, but I'm going to be the asshole here. This isn't about her feelings or his feelings. A breakup is just what it is, a breakup. Your girlfriend should not be trying to be friends with an ex-boyfriend if he still has feelings for her and she has feelings for him.

Pawning her off on her friends isn't a good thing because they may not lead her into a direction that you want her to go.

I don't know your girlfriend, but I do know the scenario
1. The feelings are still there even if she says they are not
2. He's calculating...waiting for you to make the smallest mistake
3. She's going to put herself in a situation where she will say nothing happened but you won't know the truth

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