Im very emotional, and when i get intimate with some one, getting close to them, i open up as much as possible, to a degree where i feel like we are soulmates.

My girlfriend broke up a month ago, i was holding her back, since she loved going out and i wouldn't admit to myself that she was that type of person who go drinking 1-2 a week. We were together a year, where i convinced myself that i could change her, or maybe i just denied who she really was.

we have broken up before, where she wanted me back after 1 month, at that point i started enjoying the single life, but missed her so we got back together...

This time i still feel completely miserable, i think it might be caused by the way we broke up, she left my house yelling, it was snowy outside, but i took my shoes on and started running after her, i ran for 0,5 mile as fast as i could, the direction i thought she had went, but i couldn't see her, so i went home again.
i called and texted her, "don't do it like this, we should break-up probably", then i wrote that she just should take her time, and she answered and agreed, but i was miserable and a week later i couldn't take that i didn't know if she was out kissing others, and wether or not we would come back together. i wrote her again, and she was icecold, i told her she was breaking my heart, but she didn't care, she showed a new side of herself.

I know that we are not supposed to be together, but it is hard, on the day we broke up she actually said she wanted us to grow old together with kids etc. we often have talked about this stuff, so we both felt like we were meant to be together...

my friends have met her in the city out drinking, where she have said that she was happy, which was really difficult since i am not. I have kissed other girls which she has found out, but she doesn't seem to care.
I feel like i am in her reality where i want to get back with her, i do want this, but at the same time i don't...

I wish she could write me, that she wants me back, so i could feel like i have value again. I guess that is really the problem, that she acts like i am nobody, that everything we shared meant nothing. And it really makes me miserable, i dont know how to handle it.. So please tell me how i can get my value back, i know it has something to do with me alone

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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

She showed the new side of her because she saw that you were not ready to walk away from her no matter how bad she behaved. When people see this behaviour coming from you, they show you the nastiest part of their personality. I had this happen to me towards the end of my first relationship, and I know how shitty it feels to go through it bro...

You pretty much guessed everything for yourself, the solution does have to come from you alone, and you really shouldnt be thinking about getting back with her, especially not after the nasty side of her came out...

What you should probably do is work on yourself and implement change. I really want to help you, so I am going to tell you exactly what I did after I ended my 1 year relationship 5 months ago.

I didnt pretend that nothing had happened, I actually mourned the loss. For 3 whole days, I was really really sad, and almost felt like crying the whole time. But from the fourth day onwards, I started implementing changes. I completely committed myself to thai boxing training 4-5 times a week. I expanded my social circle a lot, and made 10 good friends in barely 2 weeks. I was going out 3-4 nights a week, basically whenever I had the time to. I was also doing a lot of small things like teaching myself a new language (I love languages), reading a lot of fantasy novels (I love that too), so basically doing everything I had previously intended to do. I was trying to become the standard, and be the man I want to be. I dont know how to describe this, but I was feeling 10 times more energetic, and much more present in the moment, and even more charismatic. 1 month after the break up, I discovered that I am very happy that it happened, becomes I had never been so self-actualised in my life. Some of the things that helped me were "The Power of Now", and watching "Tyler Durden's" videos. He talks a lot about creating your own ecosystem of positive emotions, without relying on other peoples' validations, and seeing yourself through your own eyes... I am going to post a link which I think you will find very useful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06UnHtD1ZbY

I hope this helps, good luck!

Thanks a lot! it helps just to get reminded that someone have been in the same situation!

I actually, have watched that video at least 50 times, definitely helps a lot also!
This is not the first time we broke up, but last time i was calmed and i had gotten my self together after 1 month, today is also a month since we broke up, but this time i am not near as calm and centered as last time...

I have tried to distract my self with friends and by going out, but it doesn't seem to help... I feel like it is always under the surface, even though i am with friends, it keeps bumping into my head, and it really gets me depressed..

Maybe the trick is just to keep hanging out with my friends (doing workouts as well) until it eventually not will bump into my head all the time??

I have also just been sick which i believe was a horrible timing, and made me more depressed and unable to go out and such.

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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

I've destroyed so many relationships by being a needy bitch and getting too attached, "baring my soul" to them etc. Save that stuff for later in life I believe. I've pushed a lot of people away and fucked up in the most AFC ways imaginable, so I have been in your shoes trust me.

Do you have a tendency to wait for the next person to come along and then stick with them? It starts out great, with all sorts of ridiculous promises (being together forever, moving in, kids, marriage etc.)?

I had hopeless romantic tendencies for a long time, and while I don't think you should ever become too hard, you do need to toughen up.

When you meet a gorgeous girl, don't settle! Don't breathe a sigh of relief and think "That's that then." Go out and get another! That can be difficult to do, and may even seem ethically questionable (it isn't unless you have agreed exclusivity and had the relevant talk.) But it will stop you being needy and better yet, you can choose who you agree to exclusivity with if that's your thing! Being able to do that is an empowering feeling that will boost your confidence, never just settle and latch on like a limpet to the next girl you close.

You can learn to remove neediness and insecurity, starting with controlling it. My current girlfriend and I are sort of on a break while she travels around France. Two years ago, I would have been insane with jealousy and freaking out over any guy she mentions, but I honestly don't care, I said "what happens in france, stays in france" and she said she loves me and that I do not need to worry, but I wouldn't anyway.

I still have a long way to go, but I have in the past, begged and even emotionally blackmailed a girl to stay with me, I was THAT pathetic. Focus on becoming a better man and go NC with this girl. If I can improve this much, so can you.

I guess you just have to keep hanging out with friends and doing your hobbies until it gets out of your head yes. My final advice is that whenever you are feeling sorry for yourself, decide to take action and do something instead of sitting and dwelling on it.

Yes sounds just like me! But on the other hand i like being a hopeless romantic (though i don't like the consequences) But i love the idea of me being meant to be with one girl, and i like talking about my future with this girl..

I guess it comes from me being from a good family with a tendency of staying together with one person (my grandparents, parents, sister and her boyfriend etc) Therefor my biggest dream is to have a good family of my own, sure it is to have a good job as well, but most important is the family... so i guess i have just been out trying to find a girl that can make my dream come true, which is probably stupid since i am only 19 years old...

I do, however, find it hard to shut that feeling down, and start believing that there are multiple girls out there and not just one who i will fit perfectly with, is really hard to convince my self of.

but i guess i should give up the desire to meet my one and only at the age of 19, i am just not sure how i do this, since i deep down like it..

Anyway, it sounds like you have come a long way, well done! how old are you now?? and how long had you been struggling before you got better at relationship?

More importantly, the relationship you are in now, is it as for filling as you earlier relationship, where you really were head-over-heals for the girl?

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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

I'm 24 years old, I was a virgin until close to the age of 20 and I had also never even kissed a girl until that point. I went through emotional hell and came close to depression over my hopeless ineptitude with women. I felt like a joke and a failure because everyone else seemed to have a gf. Women liked me, because I was blessed with good looks, but I was really beta and needy and got too attached, fantasied about futures with women who were in hindsight, appallingly bad for me. I took what I could get basically. I was a bit of a white knight and a Nice Guy, it makes me cringe thinking about it.

I read The Game when I was around 21, and since then I've slept with eighteen girls, not an impressive number, but then it isn't really important how many people you've slept with imo. But it makes me feel good looking at how far I have come, because I was just uber-bad. I have been with some truly beautiful girls, and I don't usually have dry spells for huge amounts of time.

When it comes to relationships, I am still wet behind the ears. I am getting better all the time and each one I have teaches me something new about myself, and I am managing my anxiety and insecurity brilliantly and that is what I am so proud of. Being in a relationship with someone used to make me anxious and it was almost a release when they inevitably broke down. I can offer good advice on what NOT to do in relationships as a result haha.

If monogamy is what you want, and it's what suits you, then that's absolutely fine as long as YOU are the one choosing who you are monogamous with, that was the biggest thing for me, dating multiple women taught me to not give a fuck what a girl thinks and to not modify my behaviour like I used to because I was scared of losing them.

I hesitate to call my recent experience a "relationship" as such because I am so wary of rushing into anything given my past experiences and weakness in my inner game, but I suppose it is. It's been genuinely brilliant, I was dating multiple women at the start, but she was the one I wanted to be with, she's from a good background, she's confident and she isn't needy. At first I actually wanted a needy girl because I felt like it would nullify my own insecurities. That is extremely unhealthy! It reeks of co-dependence.

But yeah, my current relationship has made me feel incredibly happy and though its currently on ice while she travels, I feel no discomfort or uncertainty about being together with her when she returns. Learning this PUA stuff has made me a better man, it has changed me profoundly to be a stronger and better person and I am living proof that it works.

Don't go looking for it, as crass as it sounds, your first objective is to seduce them You will meet some amazing women.

I can definitely relate to your post and can even see myself there. I also think that you shouldn't think of getting back with her etc, that kind of stuff will make your recovery process a lot longer and can even tear you apart. Instead I too agree that you should put the focus on yourself. Do sports, activities and things you like and have always wanted to try. Stay in good contact with friends and social circles and you will get even more friends which will lead to other positive things. Study and work hard.

I know it may sound a little harsh but the best way to get over a girl is to have plenty of sex with other hot girls. Human brain is wired that way, every time you have sex with another girl it will make your situation a little better, it's like rewriting stuff on a harddrive over some existing stuff. In my opinion there is no such thing as two people who were "meant" for each other and instead of that I believe there are multiple suitable partners for everyone.
This is what I did myself when my last relationship broke and even though I was with her for half a decade and had strong feelings I got over her relatively fast.

And for the next relationship I would give one advice for you. Your strongest weapon is the ability to walk away. Never in the future get yourself in a situation where you are too afraid or otherwise unwilling to break up no matter how badly you are treated. Sure, be forgiving and stuff like that but there needs to be some limits and you must always be able to take the necessary step if needed. She can and should be a nice incrediment to your life, you can even think that you are sharing lives, but she must never BE your life.

You sound a lot like me actually.... although i believe i have been good with girls since i was 17.. I agree with the whole number thing, i have slept with 6 girls, and i am totally fine with that number, i know i am good and i don't need a number to prove it.

I believe that non-monogamous attitude might help me, i felt like a jerk for making out with others, and that was when i hadn't even kissed my girlfriend for the first time. I will definitely try your attitude on the subject out.

I think what makes it worse (my situation), is that my ex lives 300 meters away from me, we go to same school and have so many friends in common. I don't know why, but earlier when we broke up, i felt like the bomb, and that was after only 3 weeks, now it has been 1,5 months and i still feel like shit... i hate it...

@pheonix about sleeping with others, i believe you are right, at least to some point. I don't believe it helps to sleep with ugly girls, because that would just think "i miss my beautiful girlfriend", but if i meet and fuck hot girls, i think it might help!

Thanks for the advices!

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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it