Wow, I didn't realize how tough the relationship management can be. I figured if I lay a girl and do a good job - girl would fall in love. They did before and became super attached to me. But I didn't want to be with them, always looking to the side.

This is not "how do I get her back" post. This is "here what happen-tell me where I f'd up" post. I want to learn for the FUTURE relationships.

I am not a relationship guy. But it has finally happen. I started dating this tall, blonde med student(my target audience). We have been friends for 3 years and one drunk night(4 months ago) we decided to start dating. I knew her as a very lay back girl, and I always used her as pivot. She saw me as great friend, but a player type of guy back then. So she was surprised to see me being mature for LTR(I did change). She just came out abusing relationship with a BF that cheated on her(gave her an STD) and then dumped her. She was excited to be with someone as mature and directed as me.

October, November and December were like a honey moon. We hangout just about every night, exchanged cute txts while away. We didn't live in the same house, but we would stay in each others house every other day. She loaded pictures of us all over Facebook, marked herself "in relationships".

For Thx-giving, I went with her to her parents home and stayed there a week. Became really good friends with them.

For X-Mas, I bought two plane tickets to see my family. First several days everything was great, she even started planning moving in together. However days 6-15 slowly became a hell. She would complain about my occasional vulgarity and tardiness(guilty, sometimes). But I always tried to find a compromise with her. I curb my language and improve my timelines. But I also asked her to take it easy and not to judge me so much. I wasn't used to her being so bitchy about small things. She is the type of person who prefers keep everything to herself and just cry in the bed about it. She was telling me that she wants to be with me, but there are whole bunch of small things make a big obstacle for her.
But I tried to be understanding and treated her with love and care - it was not helping.

It got pretty bad that on the morning of New Years Eve. She asked me what I want to do for NYE(go to the city or stay home) - she wanted to stay home, I told her that we are staying home because I want to start a New Year with her. She started crying and said "The more you say this - the more I want to push you away". That was a instant red flag, I didn't know what to do. Only thing that came to my mind is to leave her alone. I got in the car and joined my friends NYE celebrations. I was furious that after all the love and affection, I was being treated this way. Around 9 pm, she texted me saying that she wants me to join her at home for cooked meal. I told her that I already have plans made and will not bend to her every mood shift.

Once we got back in my home town, I backed out. In couple days, my gf txted me asking to meet.

Her: Do you want to meet up today or tomorrow?
Me: Do you think its a good idea after everything that happen?

Her: Is that what you want?(implying a break up)
1/2/14 7:23 PM
Me: I'm afraid your actions left me no choice once I thought long and hard about everything that happened. But something tells me that it was you who wanted for this to end
1/2/14 7:27 PM
Her: I understand. I will contact you later when emotions have settled down to see if we would like to revive the good that was between us.
Me:Ok
1/2/14 7:36 PM
Me: I really wanted to be together, but I understood that you are not yet emotionally mature for serious relationships.
1/2/14 7:44 PM
Her: Ok. I will still get in touch with you later. And we can go from there.
1/3/14 10:17 PM

Next day she told me that she missed me and came over with wine. We talked about what happened, she said in retrospect she felt "chocked" up and captured in my family home. This was her reason for acting the way she did.

So we came out with the plan of seeing each other less. I backed away from her. Received a call from her the following day asking me to come on her friend's dinner with her. I was busy (true), and asked for raincheck. The following day, she called me again and asked what I am doing tonight. I told her that I am going out with my friends. She got offended and told me that we need to talk.

The next day she came over and said our relationship are not working, we not compatible and we should break up. When I asked for the reason, she said it the fact that I am vulgar and she has a lot of school work. She couldn't explain anything else. The reasons seem like a cop-out to me, but there is nothing I could do but let her go.

The following day, I deleted my relationship status on FB. She followed the suit. I also untag myself from all the cute pics together. She send me a FB message asking me why I had to untag myself, asking "was our time together that bad?" I called her and noticed that she was crying, and told her that I still miss her and those pictures were hurting me (mistake, I know).

I haven't spoke with her for a month now. She is deep into the school. I am deep into the party and self improvement. I posted several pics with other girls on my FB (reactive, I know). I am looking to get over this by fucking as many girls as I can to clear my head.

Lessons Learned:
1. I would rather get blow out 100 times in the bar, then get blown out once in 4 months relationship. It sucks, like that old school Mario game where there is no SAVE button. You have to start from the bottom, sucka!
2. I invested TOOOOO MUCH into this(paid all taps, dinners, flew her to my parents, purchase tickets to Caribbean island for this springbreak), that is why I felt such an attachment. Money meant nothing to me as I visualize our future together. However, when things were going sour - I began working hard to save it at all means. What I should have done is MADE HER TO PAY FOR SOME OF IT. That way she would also felt like there is her direct investment into our "enterprise", and not just cut out and ran at the sight of the first disagreement.

MY SUSPICIONS: She still has our cute pictures together posted on her Facebook. The whole relationship was published by her widely on the Facebook. I start suspecting that she got with me as a way to show her ex and friends that she can sustain a relationship. However, once things with me began looking serious (ie, meeting my parents, talks about moving in together), she realize that she have gone too far and now it is time to make my life a hell and get me to react negatively towards her and find an excuse to end our relationship while saying that she still wants to be friends.
Am I being too crazy about this ^^^theory?

Overall, I do want to be with her(Like we were in our three months long honeymoon). But I do think that she needs to work on her emotional stability, IF she ever decide to come back ON MY TERMS.

AND BTW tomorrow is Valentines Day, so help me God. I am planning on ignoring it and continue radio silence until she will establish communications first. If she won't - fuck it. I will just enjoy my single life again.

Deep in the party and self improvement haha That made me laugh.

Look man, you did your best and by all means it looks like you were a good dude to her. Sure there is a lot of regret following a breakup but you have to understand that relationships have life-spans. Not every one is going to last or be "successful". In fact, I think this was a great experience for you.

Think about it, you know have a much better understanding of what type of person you like to date. You now have a much better list of pro and cons to work with when selecting the next girl. Look at every relationships like a prerequisite to the next, better relationship. The mistake a lot of people make is that they continue dating people the same way with the same traits, so they end up making little to no progress as they jump from crazy girl to crazy girl/guy. Just because you had a good 3 months doesnt mean it was meant to last any longer you know what i mean? I've had summer flings with girls and it was a great 3 months...but past that we didnt get along. That shit just happens you know?

And yes, you were right in your assumption that all of her "reasons" were just garbage, bullshit excuses. This is after you were toeing the "next step" line by spending so much time with her family, and she with yours. She got cold feet. I think that's totally fine. You can only accept it and move on...don't let her dictate your progress. I understand the good times and all the public affection, but if its not going good after 3 months, it won't after 4 or 5.

Time to get your self improvement on! Whether its dating to find somebody special, or to just smash profusely, start anew and continue to get experience. The next time you find a girl thats worse putting some effort in to, it'll be that much more rewarding...and easy.

Good luck man.

I like you blog, Bro! I didn't expect someone to make such a coherent response.

What do you think about my theory about why she stayed in the relationship with me?(ie just to show her friends and ex). Am I being totally sociopath by thinking that everyone around me are sociopaths?

She still has our pictures up on her profile(kissing at Rockefeller center, etc.) for everyone to see. Its just strange and suspicious to me.

Once again I am asking this as a way to get a hindsight, so I can be more self-aware in my next relationship.

Yes, she's probably doing it publicly on purpose. Why? Because women prioritize shit like that more than men do. Women like getting flowers in the office as a surprise because A. everybody congratulates her and she proudly displays that she gets laid, and B. You put in the effort to do this.

Its not always in that order, obviously. But in this case, it seems she's milking it.

Some girls require a commitment to public/social media displays of affection. Some do not. For the future, you should probably decide which type you want. Personally, I don't need my love life on display so I generally opt for a girl that isnt too fussed about stuff like that. But that's me not being able to deal with the social media BS.

Good luck man

Wow, kind of forgot about this thread.

KBird,

Thank for reply, bro. You seem to be pretty seasoned in relationships, so hook me up.

Instead highlighting my own text and telling me that its all "beta/shit test/AFC", type up how would you act in my past situation. I can take criticism as long as it is constructive.

Obviously, that I moved on and now I am back to multiples. But I want to learn on this experience for the time when someone comes around that I want to actually keep.

THX