Basically i've been with her for a month. Exchanged i love yous and all that stuff. At first i could say and do no wrong but as i've become more relaxed with her she's beginning to change her behavior. Take last night for example, we were texting a bit before bed and i told a joke at her expense, lightheartedly. She didn't respond at all, which is a first, even when i played it off and said "anyway goodnight, see you soon xx" Now i will be seeing her today and i'm wondering if i should casually say "what happened last night, you didn't text me back?" I more or less want to confront her and let her know i'm not someone she can ignore without consequence and that i don't apologize for having a laugh. I also feel like in the beginning i created a strong Alpha frame, which came naturally but as time passed i've let it slip and now i'm paying for it.

Is this a good approach or is there better?

Bro let's back up...You've been with her only a month and you've said the "L" word?!? Strike 1

You responded after you sent a joke text which means you texted her back to back...Strike 2

If you confront her about being ignored then it puts her in the Alpha frame because you're coming off as a needy biatch= Strike 3

Just chill out, she's reevaluating things or maybe some shit is going on with her. If you chase her then you're beta.

Solution-Go to starbucks and get you're conversation on. Meet other chicks or go out with your boys and have fun. When she sees that she is not consuming your time then she will want back in. If not then life goes on

Now you gotta make the best of it, improvise, adapt to the environment, Darwin, shit happens, I Ching, whatever man, you gotta roll with it.

" I more or less want to confront her and let her know i'm not someone she can ignore without consequence and that i don't apologize for having a laugh"

How do you feel when somebody admonishes/points a finger at you?

"Confront," "ignore"," "consequences," "not apologizing"...you've already clung onto this very antagonistic dialogue, your energy is coming out of a very negative place and likely you'll be even farther from getting what you want by the end of your meeting today. In fact I guarantee you will be, if not today she'll hold onto it in her mind and it'll come out at some later point whereby both of you will pay dearly for it.

So you're frustrated and angry because your need for connection, and possibly security wasn't met by not receiving a response from her. How else could you ask her to help you fill that need? "When I didn't hear from you last night I felt a bit sad because I wanted to connect with you." and tell her what you need to feel that connection again without using any blaming language (e.g. finger pointing).

Maybe she fell asleep, maybe she was engaged in another call at the time, maybe she just felt she'd had enough contact w you for the day and needed her personal space we're all entitled to. You assuming she ignored you is an evaluation of her behavior - you are acting as though you are in her head and you know that she actually ignoring you when in reality you don't know if this is true or not. And now you're about to act on her as though this were true and be all punitive "Oh how dare she ignore me I'll show her!"

Come at her with demands, or come at her with compassion and a way for you to have your needs met.

I feel pretty stupid after reading the responses. You guys are right, I'll back up and chill out.

This isn't about feeling "stupid" or self-downing, which only leads to depression if continued. It's about recognizing that you need to take care of YOU before you become REACTIVE.

Maybe it means going for a walk, checking into how you are feeling in your body and just observing (mindfulness, see Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" for more on this), talking to a friend you can use as a soundboard only (tell the person you only want them as a sound board not to blindly take your side - its crucial you are choosy of who you disclose to because we all have biases and some friends may try to sway you towards what they think you should do), take a bath, engage in deep breathing exercises (4 square method, etc).

So you came here got perspectives that created a shift in you, that's good. But the idea is to be self-regulating after a point so move towards that and you'll find your relationships w people including yourself to be far more enriching, and life serving.

Thanks for this mate, i appreciate it. It's exactly what i needed to hear.

And to think I never even sent you me $110/session bill lol

No worries. Keep empowering yourself in new ways, you won't ever 'fail'.