how could I have screened better? how could I have known this would happen?

I get your point. When you meet you go through basic stuff. Which was your longest relationship, when was your last boyfriend etc.

Saying this I've actually had a girl who lived with her ex still. I never had a chance with her, she went back to her ex. We lasted a couple months. However I was not unhappy because I knew this could happen so I didn't really care.

The girl for example I am with now spoke to her ex in the beginning. She even showed me the messages which were harmful. I just told her I don't need to know this and I would prefer she didn't but it's up to her. This issue never came up again.

You've done what you can. You told her you don't like the idea. Her meeting him shows how much she cares about you. Accept this. You don't have to move on but I would not take this thing seriously anymore.

I have been through this a few times...both times I decided I should give space and pumped the brakes. I started texting less, hanging out less etc. Basically started playing childish games so I could be more ready when they inevitably (at least in my mind) went back to their exes. I think this is the wrong approach, put this out of your mind and just live in the moment and continue on. If she goes back just wish her the best, if she offers friendship (if she goes back she will) tell her that friendship doesn't work for you but you hope she is happy and then never initiate contact with her again.

yeah well, friendship is bullshit, I have contact with other ex-girlfriends they write me once every 3 months or so, can live without it.

I'm pretty pissed off now, but don't want to rush any decisions, hope she doesnt interpret that I'm afraid to argue or get into negative discussions

It's easier for me to type this and hard for you to do, but you just have to let it go. Keep doing what your doing and act like its not a big deal. If anything I would tell her to meet him ( no bullshit) tell her if he is crying into the phone then he must be a swell guy and you can see why she wants to be friends with him. Don't act jealous or needy etc.

meeting him would be pretty uncomfortable for both of us. The thing is if I act like nothing happened then I would be like afraid to tell what is bothering me, if I open up then I would be needy. I'm trying to be logical and keep myself busy with other things at the moment.

I can just say what I would be doing. I am 31 and had my share of relationships and experience.

For me this is about being jealous or not.

The real question is, if she is in love with you or not. If she is, seeing the ex boyfriend won't matter at all. No matter how much he texts or calls.

Often times you can tell if a girl is in love with you or not. My ex met with an old flame to watch extremly boring TV shit in the middle of the night after going out for drinks. They were like best friends. I was jealous like hell but I did not make a deal out of it. And from talking to her it was clear that she was in love with me and not interested in anybody else. I mean I could tell from the way she and I acted together in bed that she was in love with me.

If she wants to cheat or get back with her ex, this will happen either way.

So I would try not to act jealous in any way, even if I felt jealous. If she is in love with you, there is nothing to worry about. Forbidden things are interesting. Needy ex boyfriends are not.

we had a talk where she explained that she doesn't have any feelings for him since a long time, they met, he tried to convince her that everything would be better but it was too late for her.
I guess that should be enough for me, thanks for your tips

Trust what she's saying when she says she doesn't have feelings for him anymore. Relationships are built on trust.

Combining that with being a secure, confident, alpha male with a wealth of other options, this really shouldn't bother you.

If she fucks him, get pissed off and dump her.

Otherwise, chill.

_________________
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

It sounds like a shitshow conducted by your gf, but in my experience, you have three options. First, you pretend nothing is going on, and she keeps seeing him, and will likely monkey branch back to him eventually. Or you could raise the issue and most likely it will lead to fighting and the relationship breaking down even sooner. The final option, in my view the only one with which you'll be able to hold on to this relationship, is to be prepared to walk away. Tell her you're not ok with her seeing her ex. If she doesn't agree to stop, break up. Calmly and without any drama whatsoever. Tell her it's beyond your boundaries and you two will not work out. Then walk away. If you show any hesitation at any point in this, your chances of staying with her will go to zero. However, if she's in to you at all, and she thinks that you really are leaving her over this, and not as an ultimatum, but an actual breakup, if my own experience is any indicator, there's a good chance she'll ditch the crying ex and run to you asking you to come back. However, if she doesn't, the worst thing you could do is try to get back together with her, or keep any contact whatsoever. To do this, you have to evaluate whether her seeing her ex is something you're willing to walk away over, and if so, you have to go through with it.
Cheers.

More BS on both counts. She's lying. If she had no feelings for him she wouldn't be jeopardizing her new relationship by staying in touch with him. Feelings for someone you've been with for many years don't just evaporate overnight, or even over a few months, if they were there near the break up.

Now here's a funny little story (may be true, may be fake) that epitomizes the pseudo-"alpha" attitude held by many beta PUAs, brought to you by bb.com misc:

"I was a party with my girlfriend and she was playing beer pong with this guy. I was pretty drunk and just sitting down, he made a bet that if she lost against him she would have to play the next round topless.

Next thing she loses- because she is bad - and ends up literally taking her boobs out for everyone to see. Then the guy, presumably to try his luck, bet her that if she lost against she would have to suck his d-ck. My girlfriend turns to me and says "I know I can win this time! What do you say?"

I thought she was joking, so I just casually replied "Yea,whatever"

Then she loses again, and this ahole says something like "Hey, a bet's a bet." and my girlfriend responds with some bullcrap like "Well I am a woman of my word." Within the space of fifteen seconds she's literally on her knees, topless, sucking this guy off. There was nothing I could do about it.

Because of that I just turned away and pretended to see nothing / try to not look like a little bich. Then after a couple of minutes I hear him saying "Go, show him. Let him see" and my girlfriend taps me on the shoulder, opens her mouth full of his sperm, then closes it again and swallows in front of me.

What the **** just happened!?!?!?!? "

If you try to ignore and pretend nothing is going on to try to look "alpha", you're a chump, and you'll get humiliated. A real "alpha" knows how to set boundaries and standards, and hold his partners to them. Burying your head in the sand like an ostrich is NOT alpha. There are many unacceptable behaviors in women (as well as men) which stop short of physical cheating, that no self respecting man or woman should be ok with.
Alphas take initiative. They assert themselves, and their boundaries. If this isn't accepted by their partner, they leave them and find a suitable replacement.

If you want a barstool skank, by all means, ignore the red flags, but if you're looking for anything more serious than a fling, man up and hold people to your standards, and if they don't make the cut, leave, or you'll be crying ex on the phone after she dumps you for another boy toy.

Move on.....

If she LOVES you, she'd tell the world!

Just for the record, IMO, the best way to handle the ex-bf calling just don't look jealous. Personally, I'd start texting an g.f. all the time until it stopped.

MOST FUCKED UP STORY I'VE EVER READ.

DAMN....SORRY

That is a crazy story haha

That's not what I mean by being 'alpha' - in hindsight I should have left it at 'secure'. If she crosses the line then by all means call her out on it; but I don't believe staying in contact with her ex counts as crossing the line. I'm still in touch with a lot of my exes and regard them as friends, and I wouldn't expect a girl to try and get me to cut them off for her. But I guess what you class as a 'red flag' really comes down to what you find as acceptable as an individual, doesn't it?

Also, this isn't some girl he wants to hook up with, it's a girl who he's in a relationship with. If she says she isn't interested in her ex, then why shouldn't he believe her?

_________________
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

It really depends on the circumstances and level of involvement. If I was to say, want to marry a girl, I wouldn't want any exes in her life. On the other hand I've dated a girl that was constantly out partying, and I didn't even ask any questions/ or even care (you can guess how serious that one was). For all I know she could have been seeing her exes daily.
The problem with exes is that even if it appears all old feelings are "gone", Its my opinion that if someone still wants to see their ex, expecially after the end of a long relationship, and even when you're in a new one, EVEN when you're the one that ended the previous relationship, there's still feelings left at least on some level. I'm speaking from not only what I've seen, but personal experience. Even if there's *no* feelings left, the presece of exes will be a destabilizing factor in a relationship. They'll always be considered "back up options", and any time your relationship gets rocky, you'll see her drift to her exes.
For a long term relationship, it'll result in all kinds of shitshows, but thats basically how it works.