Hey guys, I'm running into a bit of trouble with my gf.

So before the semester was over everything was perfect. Attraction, humor, she was telling me how much she loved me, etc. Then we both went home for the break (she lives in Cali I live in Chicago) and it just seems like everything changed. I believe I'm equally responsible but I'm having trouble understanding what happened and how it can be remedied.

At first phone calls and texts were playful, fun, typical. But then it was like we were both drifting apart. During the summer we were talking a lot and had that fire you know? But as this break progressed it just seemed like she wasn't trying as hard. She just had a different tone, not that cute "I'm happy to talk to you" tone, but more of a "What's up, yada yada" feeling. Anyway it got to the point where it was just a monotone conversation, and it shouldn't have gotten me upset but I couldn't get it out of my mind. I started to distance myself as well, not answering phone calls or texts for awhile, talking with an equal lack of enthusiasm. I figured if she wasn't gonna try neither was I, but it really sucked. I know she isn't cheating or anything like that, but my gut instinct is that she feels like its me that doesn't care or love her anymore. Now it seems like we're trapped in this game of "who cares less" and I'm sick of it. I'm picking her up from the airport today and I was wondering what the best way to act would be. I feel like maybe once we start interacting things will change. I really want to express how much I care about her because I really do, but how do I go about it without losing face or giving up power? I feel trapped in this game and I'm tired of it. Relationship game I've read about says say I love you once for every three times she says it, kind of like a ratio or something. Also if she acts up then don't give her attention or rather "soft next" her as they say, only problem is what if she reacts with a lack of attention as well? Honestly I just want to know how we can be back to being the fun, loving, best friends that we were before we left for break. Any advice would be extremely appreciated, thanks.

Hi there,

this is a good question and I was hoping to get some responses to that. Did not happen. So basically i am bumping the thread instead of starting my own. In my case it is more the intimacy that is lacking from her side but your question is relevant to mine.

It seems that there are too much "what-not-to-do's" on this board instead of what-to and how-to do's. I have asked about finding the correct balance in another thread but it is a difficult topic. I wish there was some write up about that.

Try 'Framing'.
I had this issue very recently (over the last few days) and while it is in an extremely different context. One thing that helped is to ignore the part where she is being distant and you maintain being very happy. Not because your talking to her but because your just happy with life in general. Sooner or later she will have to tune into your wavelength to be able to maintain a conversation and the relationship.

While this can be very frustrating, it will help I hope.

Hi, thank you for an answer.

I will definitely try this, even if this does not help our relationship, it will definitely increase the quality of my time.