I met this girl through a mutual facebook friend in August. She actually found me.

Quick background: I moved from Pittsburgh back home in July. She lives in Pittsburgh but is from a town about an hour out. She had moved to pittsburgh to get away from a bad relationship in May. I just moved back to Pittsburgh in the first week of January.

Anyway it started out very slow but messages turned to texts, texts turned to calls, calls turned to facetime. By September we were texting and speaking just about every day morning to night. Things were going great, attraction was very high. I told her I would be moving back to Pitt but I wasn't sure when. She told me she would wait for me. I never believed her until time passed and I realized she was still around. She made it clear that she was looking for a relationship. I was hesitant and held back because LDR have never worked for me in the past.

Towards the end of September things started to get very sexual. There were a lot of pictures and lustful talk being passed back and forth and it was clear we were going to rip each others clothes off when we finally saw each other.

Fast forward to October. I made plans to see friends and we made plans to see each other. I drove up to Pittsburgh on a friday night and ended up skipping out on my friends and going to meet her. I met her at her place and we couldn't hold it together things got physical within an hour of being there. Afterwards we just enjoyed each others company. Long story short I stayed pretty much the whole weekend with her, there was tons of sex, and I ended up only staying with my friends on monday. It was great and we were both on the same page, She is what I wanted and I was what she wanted.

Honestly, the sex was mediocre only because she was extremely tight, I'm a bit bigger than average, and she hadn't had sex since the last guy when she moved in may. I made the mistake of mentioning to her that we needed more practice for it to be mind-blowing and she became offended. She thought it was better than the last guy. Anyway, we still spoke every day but we started fighting over everything (this is between the end of october-beginning of november). I mean stupid things caused fights. I said a lot of stupid things I regret. She still wanted a relationship and I told her I would want the same thing if I was nearby but I've had bad experiences with it in the past and prefer not to start something like that when I'm far away. I wanted to make plans to see her because I was sure seeing her in person would help but she would go home just about every weekend to see family and she works 40 hour weeks.

I approached her about being distant and she said she was sorry she had been pulling back because she didn't think I was in it but she would try harder because she didn't want to lose me. I told her I wanted her but I didn't want a LDR and whats worse is I was an asshole about it. I didn't think she was going anywhere and I took her for granted.

Fights persisted through the end of November into December and even though we were becoming distant we still spoke often. After a bit we stopped fighting and just started speaking less. I realized things were going south and I tried my best to keep talking to her and hash things out on the phone but she wouldn't let me. She didn't believe anything needed to be talked about...she felt like we should just let things "flow".

I knew I needed to see her in person to fix things. In the past she had bad history with christmas. It was just never a good time for her and her family so I decided to surprise her. I drove up to Pittsburgh on Christmas night and gave her a handwritten apology letter. The letter ended with if you still want us then meet me outside if not then just let me know and we can go our separate ways. Long story short she met me and I took her out on a date. The date ended with us me giving her a couple thoughtful gifts and then us rolling around in my hotel room. I tell her I'll be moving back in a week and that I want her. I asked her if she would have dinner with me the next day and she said yes.

The next day things are just like they used to be...at first. Then about halfway through the day she confesses that part of the reason she became distant is because she met another guy around thanksgiving and has been talking to him since. The guy apparently has family where she's from but lives in Las Vegas. She says she ultimately wants me but wants to take it slow and she can't be cruel about breaking it off with him because she's met his kid and whatnot. Then she tells me her and I hadn't been talking for a while and thats why it happened. She doesn't feel right about leading us both on and doesn't think we should have dinner. She has to talk to him because they had already made plans for them to see each other at the end of january. I tried to be cool about this because I didn't want any more problems but I felt betrayed as hell.

I go back home and she starts becoming distant again. When we did talk she's short and the conversations are pretty one-sided. You could tell she's distancing again. I ask her what the deal is and she says she's ignoring us both. Then a couple days later she tells me she hasn't told him to cancel the flight. That she has feelings for him and has to see him or else she'll always wonder what if. New years rolls around and things are good again for a day. I move back to Pitt two days later and she goes home like usual for the weekend.

The end of the weekend rolls around and I tell her School is starting and I can't do the back and forth with her anymore. She sticks to the same song...she has to see him or she'll wonder. We part ways. A couple days later we speak and we both don't want it to end like that. We start speaking again. She tells me she's been feeling depressed about some things going on in her life. I call her and ask her if she's home and I come over. We talk about things. She tells me the guy cancelled his flight due to a custody court hearing or something. We patch things up again and things are just like before. We can't keep our hands off each other and even though we don't have sex we end up redecorating her place a bit.

The next day (thursday) its the same story...things are great, just like they were before. We make plans to see each other monday when she comes back from home. Then Friday she starts becoming short and distant again, she dodges my call Saturday, Sunday I ask her if she's alright she says she is...end convo. Yesterday I ask if she's still up for hanging out later on. She says she won't be back until late. I ask her if she's having second thoughts about the last time we saw each other. No response. I tell her she's being a dick by ignoring me. She gives me an excuse and says she's home and she can talk now. I tell her I want to know what she wants because she's playing around and I don't want to play anymore. She says she can't lie she's gonna see the other guy in 3 weeks. Then she says she cares about me but she's not committed to either of us. She says she wants us to "hang out see where things go and not rush things."

Theres a whole lot of AFC and beta behavior here and I know it. I started off DHV very well and somehow let her get the best of me. I need some outside opinions on the situation and really just a total revamp of my strategy. I can't get this girl out of my head. I've been going out on dates and have been physical with other people but she's all I think about. Everything reminds me of her. I honestly care about her and may even love her. I don't want to lose her and I feel like I have the upper hand being so close but I'm not sure how to go about things. All help is appreciated. Thanks guys.

I'm seeing a lot of mixed signals on your end, lot of cognitive dissonance. What is it that you want from this rel? If you are not sure maybe it's a good time now to reflect.

I think at first I wasn't sure. Distance kept me from going all in. But being faced with losing her over the past couple months I'm 100% sure she's what I want. Getting to see her now is an uphill battle and I'm just not sure how to act when I do. I know I need to re-establish the attraction but I'm not sure how to go about getting her back fully.

Seriously though, there is another guy in the picture so she's keeping you on the bench in case so she has something to fall back on if it doesn't work out. Have some self respect and go get some other girls.