I've noticed this very cute girl at a Starbucks I frequent a few times a week. For the past month or so I've seen her there; I usually bring my laptop to work. She has rung me up at the register a few times, always very nice, but nothing over the top. I did notice that she would hold my gaze for just a little longer than normal and give me a warm smile. When I would sit down and she would be walking by, I would catch her looking at me, then looking away. Sometimes I see her sitting there, on her laptop, after she gets done working or on her off day.

Today, I finally decided to talk to her. She wasn't working, so she had her hair up. I just walked over to her and said, "you look a lot different without your hat on. Your hair looks nice up." She gave me a warm smile and said thanks, a lot of ppl tell me that. I introduced myself and she introduced herself. I asked if I could sit down; sure. We chatted for a couple minutes about college, then I got right to it: "I see you in her all the time, you seem like a nice girl, would you like to go out some time." Leading up to this, she was giving me pretty good vibes, smiling at me like she wanted me to ask. But, she said, "I'm not really available right now." Obviously, I was disappointed, but I didn't let her see it. I just said, "good for him. Was nice to meet you." She said the same, and I left.

Even though I got turned down, I have to say, I feel great about what I did. The interaction went (almost) how I thought it would. Does it sound like I made any mistakes? I feel way better than I did a few weeks ago when I was going to approach her, but backed down at the last minute and left…feeling regret on my ride home.

Now, do I keep going to this Starbucks and risk running into her? My gut says, yes, no big deal, don't let it affect anything. What do you guys think?

If she's spending more time in Starbucks than with her boyfriend then you stand a chance, if she's not very sure about the relationship "I'm not really available right now" you stand a chance too - she's not really available right now means she could be available later. You're doing well.

You did f***** great man!

You showed up as a man, you approached her, you complimented her and you asked her out. What more could you do?

She might not be available right now, but believe me, she'll remember you!

Just do what you need to do and don't focus too much on the result. You did everything you were supposed to, and next time you might meet a girl who is available! Good job

- Andreas

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bad advice on the 2nd post though. The 'right now' line is used by women to try and keep ppl hooked when she has no intention of actually doing anything.

However, great job and well played, this is how you want to do it just go up to people with the aim to perfect ur technique and not to get laid and you'll do fine

You did fairly well and that's fantastic that you feel great about doing the approach, great job and well done for doing it.

It's okay to talk about subjects like college to some extent, but keep in mind topics such as college and work are kind of boring, and you will bore her if that's all you have to talk about.

To me, in this case, the "I'm not available" response seems appropriate. Though she actually might not be available, based on what you've written, the conversation was not really that unique or interesting, so you simply didn't give her enough backing reason to go on a date with you. All she has to decide with is the emotions you brought to the interaction.

The subconscious line of thought she probably had was, "If he is not being very free or expressive of himself here, what's the first date going to be like? I'm going to have to say no for now."

Your next steps should be to become more expressive and let loose a bit more.

The good news is that you can always try again with her, if you would like. But before you try again, be sure to just treat her like you treat your good friends, where everything is fairly carefree, unrestricted and fun. When you know that your interaction(s) have been fun and that she is comfortable with you, just see if she wants to hang out, like it's nothing special, just as you do with your friends, and you'll most likely have success.

Good job! A lot of men would never even dare to talk, and you just opened her!

1. "I'm not really available right now."
This means nothing. Did she tell you that she has a bf, or you just assume this? It is just a shit test. If you scared by this, then you failed the test. If you don't dare to go to Starbucks again, you failed the test. Girls often say this, because they just don't know how to react in these situations. Don't let them fool you with this lame excuse.

2. Next steps
You definitely should go back to Starbucks. Not because of her, but because of yourself. If you want to go, then you go. Don't let someone hold you back from this.

The next time you see her, you keep on gaming her. No need to mention the bf or something. If you feel that is a bit uncomfortable, then you could say "hi i think you are funny. Let's be friends!'

3.Your mindset
Your mindset should be: i am a great person and I gave her the opportunity to get to know me. She wants to know me, but she is a bit shy/unsecure/doesn't want you to think she goes out with every guy that asks her. That's ok. I just give her more time and help her get comfortable with me

Thanks for all the input guys. Can't even tell you how much better I feel about myself after approaching her. Not at all banking on starting anything with this particular girl (though I obviously want to), but I feel much more confident to keep going up to girls I find attractive when I'm out. Numbers game, right?

You deserve a coconut for being such a brave, little soldier to approach her.

Hey man keep going there act unaffected by her turning you down it wasn't a 100% turn down. And I'm not really available right now doesn't neccesraly mean she has a bf in my experience if she had a bf she would have told you she had a bf. Maybe she's not available because of college,work list goes on and she just doesn't have time to date. Good job with the approach don't write her off like another poster said you bet your ass she'll remember you.

Good luck.

shit I didn't realize how old this post was. I got it the email of the weeks hottest posts. My bad!

By actually approaching her you are far ahead of most guys smitten by a coffee shop babe! Good for you.
A couple of things and these are not criticisms just thoughts i had for my own game as i read this since i have been in this situation as well. I would avoid the word "nice" at all costs. I believe it is the single most unsexy word in the english language. Dont even bring it into the mix. I would say she seems fun or cool instead. Saying she seems fun sends the message that fun is important to you and you rate people on how fun they are which will make her assume you must be fun. It may also make her feel like she needs to qualify to you how fun she can be which can defintly work to your advantage. Also i would have left a pause before the hair compliment. If you just said she looked different without her hat and then kinda looked at her without saying anything she would then start to wonder if you thought it was good or bad. Wait for a non verbal reaction and then release the tension by saying you like it.
Also i would have playfully questioned her "unavailability". This likely could have been a test. Women like to feel competed for. She said she is not available right now. You could say; "so you dont really see a future with this guy?" ask for her number so you can let her know when something fun or cool is going on.
Also a rule of thumb: Never ask a girl out, invite her to something you are already doing anyway. It is a subtle but powerful difference!!!!

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First off you went to Starbucks, first mistake. Second you didn't build enough attraction. I agree with the guys on here that you are awesome for even doing the approach but as a seasoned PUA I can tell this just will not work in the future. I mean there is anomalies I have heard of guys of n-closing grocery store attendants but still I don't think it is the best route. For one you would have nothing to report on and two you would have no state built up to get it going.


Basically you approached a random one-off and I never rely on these as valid approaches. The valid approaches I rely on are when out sarging (approaching lots of girls in hopes for an outcome) and realize I am always weak trying to pull off a random one-off.


My method for getting girls is simple I hit up the Bars, Clubs, Water Park, Holiday events, etc. I meet so many women there and the environment is so stimulating the women never have time for a boring "I'm really not available right now." They say they are a lesbian which I have flipped, they say they have a BF which I have flipped, they say just about anything which can be flipped cuz if the BF is not present and you are out it is pretty easy to see they are available. But when you are in a store it is harder because you have less wiggle room. All these socially accepted behaviors which sucks.

So did you do anything wrong? Well no. But this is a numbers game and you should focus on the venues like I mentioned and approaching as many girls as you can and you produce guaranteed results! I approach sometimes 10 girls a night and walk home after a make out, 3-4 numbers, a date set up, and usually a girl trying to hookup with me. Girls just ain't out to have fun at Starbucks. I would rather hear how some approaches at a Water Park went as I was thinking about it last Summer but nobody reported on it last Summer. So guess who will be reporting on the Water Park Day Game approaches this year? Yes that's me. I will be having a lot of fun and I invite you to think outside the box. Mystery Method says to maximize impact to visit Target Rich Locals (Bars, Water Park, Clubs, Outdoor Malls-Summer, Holiday Events) and not Target Poor Locals (Indoor Malls, Starbucks, Grocery Stores) yes you will find HB's there once in a blue moon but I almost never see them there personally and know it's no goldmine. But every time I hit up the Club or Bar in the Summer it is a friggin madhouse. So maximize your efforts by working smarter not harder. You will begin to learn what I mean by I meet enough women in my own adventures I no longer need to depend on girls at work, stores, gym or random one off locations that lower my value. Now I just go where the goldmines are and go to town. Very effective.